Why Toxic People don’t like your Personal Boundaries

Why Toxic People

don’t like your Personal Boundaries

By Maria Mar(c)

This post is a response to one of the questions asked in the Toxic Relationships Survey that I posted in Polldaddy.

You asked the following question:

Why do some people have such difficult time accepting and respecting boundaries that other people put in place? Why do they take it personally?

The Toxic Relationships Self-help Kit

The Toxic Relationships Self-help Kit

Like everything else that relates to humans, there is no generic answer to this question. Toxic People come in several varieties. This means that there are, at least, half a dozen answers to this question. I will discuss three here. For more information, you can check the Toxic Relationships Self-help Kit.

Comfort Dwellers

These people ―who can be toxic, or not― know and accept only what is comfortable and safe for them, which means that

  • It’s habitual,
  • It’s part of their inherited beliefs and worldview, or
  • It’s accepted by the mass trance, which is their only vision of reality.

If your personal limits go beyond any of these familiar parameters, the Comfort Dwellers will find them alien, unreasonable and yes, they make take it as a personal insult or rejection. At the very least, they will take your limits as a personal extravagance that you are asking them to endure.

Since Comfort Dwellers understand safety and comfort, present your personal boundaries as the parameters where you feel safe and comfortable and ask them to support you. If they are not toxic, they will. If they are toxic, their response will have to do with whether that particular boundary you raise activates their Toxic Field or not. If it does, they will discharge their poison. It’s up to you to not take it personally or distance yourself appropriately.

Terrified Tweeters

If you read the sample chapter in the Toxic Relationships Self-help Kit, you know that the Terrified Tweeters are people who are living in fear. To cover up or address this fear, they stay safely within the Walls of Expectations that they have inherited or built. This means that:

  • They haven’t questioned their inherited beliefs and are trapped in a normalcy script that they call “reality,”
  • They have not questioned their own personal myths about themselves because they have not given themselves enough attention,
  • They are terrified of looking beneath the lies and illusions of their dysfunctional family of origin to see the truth, or
  • They will do anything to avoid pain, which has lead to the betrayal of their True Self and their Personal Dream.

To some Terrified Tweeters, your personal boundaries feel like stabs in the heart. Why? Because they have not dared to set their own boundaries. Why? Because they have not dared to take the time to know themselves, love themselves or establish their unique experience. To other Terrified Tweeters, your boundaries seem selfish, rude or a rejection. These tweeters are trapped in social scripts and have betrayed their own uniqueness. Your insistence on being yourself triggers their Toxic Fields, and they feel compelled to discharge their toxic emotions.

Since Terrified Tweeters live in fear, anything that you can do to assure them that you love and accept them and that you are not asking them to do what you do will help alleviate their fear. Keep those boundaries clear, however. There may be a need to distance yourself in those activities or areas that trigger their Toxic Fields. The good news is that once your Personal Dream is manifested and your goals achieved, some Terrified Tweeters may in fact, seek you out to learn how to accomplish their own dreams with the least amount of pain. Others, however, will escalate their toxic discharge because you have now grown from a vague threat to a successful threat to their status quo.

Darth Vaders

Though the Darth Vaders also come in different varieties, they are either

  • Conscious of your personal rights and needs, but unwilling to honor them, or
  • So submerged in their own darkness or misery that they enjoy taunting you as a way of feeding their Shadows.

As far as toxic people come, the Darth Vaders are the least common variety and the easiest to detect. They are also the most deadly. What would you do if you saw a vampire? Make that boundary as impenetrable a shield as the cross is to vampires, and run as far as your legs take you!

Ultimately, your personal boundaries are there to serve you. As we are all one, however, in serving you, your personal boundaries should also help others. At the least, they should improve your relationship with those that can vibrate at your own frequency.

Raise your personal limits with love and respect to others. That is all you can do. Those who cannot accept them are trapped in their own limitations. If they take it personally, don’t make the same mistake. Don’t take their response personally. Release them to their personal choices and detach from their personal limits.

When you release people to their choices, miraculous things happen. Sometimes, that’s all that is needed for them to come around.

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Has this helped you? Let me know in your comments. If you receive this via email, click here to comment.

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To ask your question and share your opinions on toxic relationships, take 3 minutes to answer the survey at: http://surveys.polldaddy.com/s/65557601854217B2/

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Read more about the Toxic Relationships Self-help Kit at: http://www.catchthedreamexpress.com/toxicrelationships-self-help_kit.htm

Light and love,

Maria Mar

The Dream Alchemist

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_______________________

Maria Mar(c)

You can use this article in ezines, web pages and other online media as long as you include my name and copyright mark and the paragraph below, with functional link:

Maria Mar is the Dream Alchemist, an inspirational poet, speaker, coach, author and spiritual teacher who helps women create the life of their dreams. Visit her at: Catch the Dream Express!

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