Are you a slave to your limitations?

Are you a Slave
to your Limitations?

By Maria Mar(c)2010

Inside you there is a great leader, a wise expert and gorgeous diva. She is waiting for you to remove the limited beliefs and secret mantras that run through your mind, hiding her from your own view. Your true Act of Power is not to convince others or to show your power to the world. It is to find this power within you and embrace it. Once you do, you become a force of nature. Nothing can stop this force. Not “what they say.” Not any obstacle on your way. Nothing. The only one stopping your power is
YOU!

Maria Mar

The Dream Alchemist

Do you crown your limitations, becoming their loyal
slave?


Many of us are enslaved to our opinions, confusing what we think with who we are. This confusion leads us to defend our opinions as if they were the very essence of our identity. In this scenario, anyone who holds a different view
is perceived as a thread to our existence.

If you are crowning your learned beliefs, fear-based emotions or habitual expectations and interpretations, then they become the Queen or King of your psyche, and you assign yourself the role of slave. This may seem unlikely, but it is in fact, fairly common. It is easy to see it in others, but very hard to see it in ourselves, and harder yet to change it.

Here I share some signs that you are crowning your limitations and some practical Shifts of Perceptions that may help you
reclaim your crown and become the true master of your mind.

Sign No. 1: Resistance

When you hear new concepts of explanations that seem impossible or strange to you, your immediate response is to counter them with your beliefs and opinions, using these as a shield to repel the new thoughts.

Shift No. 1: The Art of Receptivity

When you resist, you cannot receive. Whenever you encounter a different perspective of life, make a choice that there may be a hidden gift in this apparent opposition. Listen attentively. Open yourself to RECEIVE this new information. ASK extensively to make sure you understand it. ALLOW it to sink for a while and give yourself time to consider, or even research it further. You have the ultimate power to accept it or not, or to take whatever seems good to you from the presentation and weave it into your life.

Sign No. 2 Attachment

When you share your beliefs or perceptions, do you present them as they way you ARE, or as the way you see things right now?

Examples:

• This is just the way I am
• In my culture, family or line of work, this is the way we see it.
• I’m a pragmatic and do not believe in that esoteric stuff.

Shift No. 2: Detachment

Attachment binds you to the past. When you identify with explanations, concepts or beliefs, no matter how good you think they are, you are creating attachment. This energy pattern binds you to the past or to the known and familiar, obstructing your growth or freedom. Detach from your thoughts, opinions and beliefs. They are NOT you. They are simply thoughts and interpretations that can change without you being less valuable or wholesome.

Sign No. 3: Feelings of inadequacy

When you have nothing to say or do not know what to say or do not know what others are talking about, you feel stupid; so you begin to talk about what you know and want to channel the conversation that way, to go back to your Comfort Zone.

Shift No. 3: Centering

You are not what you know, do or say. Your value as a human being ~even your value as a professional~ is not determined by what you know, do or say. There are intrinsic values in who you are that are much more essential and powerful than this external parameters. Shift into your intrinsic value, your Basic Goodness and your Unique Essence. From that place, you can enjoy curiosity and wonder for new knowledge without feeling insufficient.

Sign No. 4: Competitiveness

You position yourself from the start in a power place by quoting from great people, showing off your book-knowledge, dropping names or listing your qualifications. You keep the game in your court by making others compete with you. When someone contributes with a new knowledge or thought that you may not understand or know about, you immediately quote a new book or concept and bring the game to your field.

Shift No. 4: Collaboration

Competition creates stress because it triggers the flight or fight response and ignites the chemistry of adrenaline. For many men this may be like a sport, and they may enjoy the sparring because that’s the way the sympathetic systems (the Male Way or your Shiva Power) is wired. But for most women and for creative men, this modality creates stress and lowers their energy level. Yes, you are putting them in the defensive mood and this may give you an illusion of victory. But consider: do you really want people to remember you as a source of stress? Do you think that when your peers see you as a threat, a person who’s always one-upping others and someone who does not share the spotlight, they will be more willing to recommend, hire or include you in their projects? The answer is no. Try instead to shift into a collaborative stance. Share the spotlight. Commend their insights. Receive their wisdom. Become a source of support, inspiration and resources. This is a place of true power, as you are not coming from defensiveness or hunger for attention, but from your core strength and a place of collaboration.

Sign No. 5: Fear-based expectations

When you speak your truth, share your creativity or present your solutions, you feel exposed and vulnerable. To offset this feeling, you wrap your presentation in an envelope of excuses, justifications, quotes from authorities, statistics or pre-emptive attacks for those whom you expect will attack you.

Shift No. 5: The Art of Vulnerability

Any good writer or actor knows this: people don’t like perfect characters. They love characters that are vulnerable and flawed, but who are trying their best. Become a great character in your own life by allowing yourself to be vulnerable. However, do not play victim or offer yourself as bate. Allow your Unique Essence and genuine qualities to shine through that vulnerability without playing stupid. Release your negative expectations and fuel your positive expectations by inspiring others to their best while doing your best.

Sign No. 6: Control Addiction

You need to be in control. If a conversation goes into a direction that is new to you or in which you do not excel, you feel very uncomfortable and immediately act to bring it into a field that you can control. If what you present is not accepted, you feel that you are losing control and you feel compelled to keep trying to convince others or find other means of staying in control. If others gain the spotlight, you feel that they are taking control away from you and you attack them or feel rejected.

Shift No. 6: Surrender

Release the patriarchal definition of power as control. Control creates an exclusionary perception of power that does not allow power to be shared. If you have it, I lost it. Become a Power-sharer. Find ways in which you can tap into each person’s power to enhance them as you spotlight yours. When others are shining, acknowledge their brilliance. It takes one to know another. When you acknowledge others’ powers, you are showcasing yours.

Your interpretation colors your perception. Your perception creates your world by affecting how you respond to any situation, and hence, the results. Free yourself from the limitations in your perception, and the sky is the limit for you!

Tool:

Break Free from what Holds you Back

This package contains the guided experience and tools you need to break from limiting beliefs. It helps you track down how you inherited false beliefs from your family dynamics. Journal writing, movement meditations and arts & crafts projects in the workbook help you track down and release false beliefs.


Does this help? Let me know! Leave your comment.

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your comment.

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About Maria Mar

Maria Mar is an author, speaker and ceremonialist poet.
She is also a spiritual teacher and an internationally known shaman who
helps you to break through the hidden interference to your success, to
unleash your Greatness and manifest the life of your dreams. She offers
books, digital products and coaching, art that heals and transforms as well
as performances, speaking engagements and other live and online events to
help you become the protagonist of your life and the creator of your
destiny. Find out more at

http://www.catchthedreamexpress.com

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Talk Crazy

Talk Crazy

Are you addicted to meaningless talk?

We have gone a bit Talk Crazy these days. Well, do be honest, it’s not just a bit. We have a full fledged new addiction: GadgetTalk. I simply call it the Talk Crazy addiction. It  has reached epidemic proportions. If you don’t believe me, look at people as you walk down the streets. Look around in the bus or waiting rooms. At least 5 out of 10 people are talking as they walk, drive or wait. At least this is the New York Experience.

This blog helps you to take a quick informal self-assessment test to find out if you are Talk Crazy, while giving you something to think about when you consider how you communicate.

Mind you, if you realize that you are Talk Crazy, this doesn’t mean that you are crazy! This is just an informal assessment and the term a humorous way at looking at our communication age.

If you score high in the Talk Crazy scale, it may mean however, that you need to find a more meaningful and balanced way to communicate, relate to others and above all, communicate with yourself.

The Self-assessment questions below help you to:

  • Find out if you are Talk Crazy
  • To what degree are you addicted to GadgetTalk or meaningless talk
  • Discover what aspects of communication you are neglecting
  • Discover how you can enrich your communication experience.

There are four types of points for the score.

  • T points
  • F points
  • I points
  • M points

They will be explained at the end.

SEGMENT A: Communication tools

How many of these you have?

  1. Cell phone or
  2. Email account (1)
  3. Social network- one
  4. Email account (more than 1)
  5. Voip Services (Like Skype)
  6. Blackberry
  7. Chat service
  8. Social network- up to 3
  9. Other document sharing, photo or video sharing services
  10. Social network- more than 3
  11. I access my social networks through my cellphone/blackberry
  12. Online community, memberships, clubs, etc.

SCORE:

  • One T-point for each checked from items 1-5.
  • Three T-points for each checked from items 6-8
  • Five T-points for each checked from items 9-12

Communication Tools

There is no good or bad when it comes to how many communication tools you use or possess. Only you know what your personal and professional needs are. If you are in business or in communications, marketing, security or public relations fields, you may need a high level of communication gadgets. High or low scores here are only the basis for further assessment.

There is however, one question you may ask yourself.

Do I really need all these gadgets?

Having a lot of gadgets and services does not necessarily enrich the quality of your life or of your communications. The next segments will help you assess if this is true. If it is, then they will also let you know what areas you are neglecting now and what you can do to enhance the quality of your communications, relationships and of your lifestyle.

SEGMENT B: Frequency

How much do you use each of these gadgets and services in any given day? Choose only ONE option, the one that is the closest to your experience.

  1. I use some of these once or twice a week, but not every day.
  2. I use my cell phone/blackberry less than 5 times a day and the rest of the gadgets about once or twice a week.
  3. I use my phone/blackberry around 10 times a day and at least two of the rest of the gadgets or services  once a day.
  4. I use my phone/blackberry around 20 times a day and at least three of the rest of the gadgets or services a minimum of three times a day.
  5. I am on one of these at least every hour.
  6. At any given time in any given day, I am using one or more of these gadgets and services to communicate.

SCORE:

  • One F-point for item 1
  • Two F-points for item 2
  • Three F-points of item 3
  • Four F-points for item 4
  • Five F-points for item 5
  • Six F-points for item 6

Frequency

Once again, there is no judgment about the frequency to which you use your communication gadgets, because only you know what you need personally and professionally. If you are in security or if you are a doctor, you may not be able to turn off your cell phone, for example.

On the other hand, you may be using your gadgets as tools of avoidance. The question you may want to ask is this:

Am I using my time, attention and energy effectively to enrich my life and attain my goals through my communications?

If your communication frequency is distracting you from using your time, attention and energy in ways that manifest your dreams, deepen your relationships and enhance your finances and your quality of life, then it is addictive or at least needs to be balanced.

Yes, but…. Are you communicating?

You have the tools and you use them more or less frequently, but are you communicating?

Here’s the catch. Communicating has two meanings. Here’s what the Encyclopedia of Public Health says about communication.

“Communication is the production and exchange of information and meaning by use of signs and symbols.”

This presents us with a challenge.  There are TWO different aspects of communication: information and meaning.

Let’s do another level of self-assessment to distinguish how you are using each of these aspects.

SEGMENT C: Information and Meaning

In a scale of 0-10, 0 being never and 10 always, how much do you communicate about any of the items below while communicating with any of the gadgets above? (Give yourself a score of 0-10 for each item.)

  1. What I am doing.
  2. What I did.
  3. What I plan to do.
  4. What just happened around me.
  5. News.
  6. Information about logistics: where, who, what, when, etc.
  7. Information about problems that need to be solved.
  8. What happened to someone else or what someone else did or say.
  9. About something I am hearing or reading (music, book, etc.)
  10. Venting reactive feelings, like anger, frustration, etc.
  11. Communicating my opinion on what is happening.
  12. How I am feeling about myself and my life.
  13. How I perceive the situations going on.
  14. The meaning that I perceive in this situation and how it affects my life.
  15. About the dreams, desires, goals and challenges that I am facing and how I feel about them.
  16. Sharing the beauty or blessings that I see around me or that I experience internally.
  17. Reflecting on the meaning or consequences of things that are happening in the world.
  18. Listening to the other person attentively, to be there for them.

SCORE:

  • One I-point for each item for scores of 1-4 in items 1-10
  • Three I-points for each item for scores of 6-10 for items 1-10
  • One M-point for each item for scores of 1-4 for items 11-18
  • Three M-points for each item for scores of 5-10 for items 11-18

Information to meaning ratio

If you are like most people, you scored high on items 1-10 and very low if at all in items 11 to 15. What this means is that you are using only the first definition of communication. You are exchanging information. But you are rarely sharing meaning.

This is, in part due to the nature of the new gadgets. They are used on the run, in public or in an unsecured medium.

But it has more to do with our own addictive society.

In this society we are not taught self-intimacy. We are not guided in the knowledge of how to process emotions. We are rarely given support or time to reflect on our lives. This creates an addictive society in which people are constantly doing, talking, focusing outwards and keeping busy as a means of avoiding their personal truth.

Now we have the perfect tools to exploit our Talk Crazy addictions. We can talk 24 hours a day every day. We can even talk while we sleep, thanks to scheduled emails and messages!

We can escape from ourselves by talking to others.

That is my definition of being Talk Crazy.

Are you Talk Crazy?

Here’s one last set of questions to get your score:

SEGMENT D: The Experience of Meaning

During each day, I take time to do any of the following:

  1. Meditate
  2. Commune with nature
  3. Just being
  4. Silence
  5. Reflect on my dreams and goals
  6. Receive and give thanks for my blessings
  7. Do some body awareness practice or discipline, like Yoga, Tai Chi, Chi Gong, Pranic Healing, etc. (Movement for body awareness and connection to the inner body, not to lose weight or stay fit.)
  8. Time to eat in peace and quiet.
  9. Creative time to paint, draw, listen to music, sing, dance, etc.
  10. Time to talk with a friend about our feelings and to share our deepest experiences or reflections.
  11. Write in a journal about life, my experience and my spirituality.
  12. Read to enhance my perception and understanding of experience.
  13. Seek or share inspiration.
  14. Write a poem or story to communicate what I’ve experienced.
  15. Send an email, letter or other communication sharing these experiences to my friends or list.

SCORE:

Three M-points for any item you select in this list.

The Experience of Meaning

It may sound strange to you that I talk about the experience of meaning. Isn’t meaning something you think about? That belief is at the core of our social addiction and the way it creeps out in our communication.

We are dissociated from the physical, sensual, soulful and spiritual experience of the meaning of our life. In this isolation, there is a sense of orphanhood, meaninglessness and vacuum that we then try to feel with activity, external actions and focus and by thinking and talking. We use talking as a mask that hides this existential black hole.

The cure for this Talk Crazy addiction as well as to all the other control addictions that mask our emptiness is precisely the experience of meaning. When we experience the meaning of our life, we heal. This experience requires the integration of:

  • Our body, our inner experience of our body (vs manipulating our body from the outside to fit into some mental ideal)
  • Our soul, our Unique Essence and its wisdom, its knowledge of our life purpose
  • Our emotional truth, felt authentically instead of used for drama, blaming, acting out or repressing our personal truth
  • Our spiritual and energy being as experienced in the vibration of our energy body and our higher wisdom.

This integration happens organically as we practice Conscious Living. The last segment of this self-assessment gives you the experiences of conscious living you need to begin healing your addiction or bring your Talk Crazy obsession into balance.

Let’s find out what your score is and what that means about your communication experience.

Add up all your points and gather them on this way:

SEGMENT A: Total of T-points

This is your score for Communication Tools. If it is high, then this means that you use a lot of communication tools. This is neither good nor bad, depending on the rest of the score. After all, you may NEED these tools. That’s why they exist, because they help us!

SEGMENT B: Total of F-points

This is your score for Frequency of use. If it is high, again, this only means that you use your communication tools very frequently. You may need to, so that by itself doesn’t make you TalkCrazy. You could consider if you really need to use them as much as you do. But the important factors are the Information to Meaning ratio and the Meaning Experience score below. These let you know if you are using your gadgets to engage in your addiction or if you are using them to convey your message to the world and facilitate a better life for yourself and your family.

SEGMENT C: Get your I/M ratio. This is your Information/Meaning ratio. To get this, add your I-points (information) and your M-points (meaning). Now divide your I-points by your M-points. That’s your I/M ratio.

For example:

30 I-points/10 M-points=30/10 ratio. This means that you may be communicating 3X more information than meaningful communication.

10 I-points/ 20 M points= 10/2o. This means that you may be communicating twice as much meaningful communication as you share information.

Depending on your purpose and expertise field, you may want to keep or to recalibrate this ratio. If you are in the business of facts and you got an disproportionately high Information ratio, you are doing fine. If, however, you are in business and you are using your gadgets and services to communicate and sale, you may be missing the point altogether. How are you making your prospects feel through the mood, emotions and knowledge that you consistently communicate? Are you addressing their dreams, needs and experiences? Addressing these issues will bring your meaning score up. If you communicate for personal purposes and you got a high information ratio, you may be in the habit of talking about facts and news to cover the void left by your lack of self-intimacy or of intimacy in your relations. Use segments C and D to improve this.

Total of M-points

Add your M points from Segment C and D. The results is your Meaning Index. This index conveys not only how meaningful your communication may be, but how you convey and experience meaning in your life.

Maximum score=69

If you score between 69 and 45, you may be communicating and experiencing meaning in a rich manner, including feelings, reflections, knowledge and experience.

If you score between 44 and 30, you are probably sharing enough meaning for your particular field or goal, though you may want to examine any area in which you can improve.

If you score between 29 and 20, you need to examine how to communicate more meaning, not just facts, in order to enrich your communication. Unless, of course, you are in the business of just facts.

If you score less than 20, examine carefully how you are living and communicating. Unless your job is to convey just facts, you may be engaging in GadgetTalk addiction as a means to escape your personal truth, avoid intimacy or as a learned limitation. Use Segments C and D as a guide to enrich both, your communication and the experience of meaning in your life.

Light and love,

Maria Mar

The Dream Alchemist

http://www.catchthedreamexpress.com

http://www.dreamalchemist.com

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Does this help? Let me know! Leave your comment.

If you receive this in an email, click here to leave your comment.

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About Maria Mar

Maria Mar is an author, speaker and ceremonialist poet. She is also a spiritual teacher and an internationally known shaman who helps you to break through the hidden interference to your success, to unleash your Greatness and manifest the life of your dreams. She offers books, digital products and coaching, art that heals and transforms as well as performances, speaking engagements and other live and online events to help you become the protagonist of your life and the creator of your destiny. Find out more at Catch the Dream Express.

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Are you swimming an emotional marathon?

Are you swimming an emotional marathon?

By Maria Mar©

I posted this tip in my Dream Alchemist Daily Tips blog:

Mermaid Power, art by Maria Mar(c)

Mermaid Power, art by Maria Mar(c)

Do you feel exhausted after doing something emotionally challenging, like walking through fear or breaking a habit? The action might have been simple, like making a phone call. You may be thinking that it’s silly to be so tired. Be especially loving with yourself at this time. Rest and reward yourself. Swimming against the Emotional Undertow of old learned emotions uses more energy than swimming in a marathon.

I also posted it in my Facebook Update. Here are some of the answers I’ve gotten so far:

“Thank you so much. I feel like you read my mind, it is very difficult to say no to people who have been using me for years, just the fear of saying no has been very difficult and exhausting, but after the storm I feel much better and respect myself much more.”

“YES. This is so what I needed to read today. It’s hard to move on sometimes, past the bad habits.”

This brings up a couple of questions about emotional breakthrough, and that’s what I want to explore in this post.

  • What is the Emotional Undertow?
  • Why do we experience paralyzing fear or resistance to do certain things that we know rationally are good for us and which we don’t have any skill-impairment to do?(like saying no, making a phone call, selling something or talking about what we do, for example.)
  • Why are bad habits seem like impenetrable barriers?
  • What can I do to diminish the anxiety and fear and take action from a place of peace?

Here are some answers to these questions.

Emotional Undertow

I use the term Emotional Undertow to describe the cumulative emotional charge connected to learned beliefs or habits. An example will help.

Mary has been hiding backstage while others get the credit. She’s done this all her life. Now, at 35, she realizes that this has sabotaged her success, prosperity and self-esteem. Mary has created a new line of products that she is promoting and needs to make herself visible in order to sell them. While Mary has previously helped many people sell and she has all the necessary skills, every time she picks up the phone or sends an email to make herself and her brand visible, she goes through high levels of anxiety, days of procrastination, sweaty hands and mental confusion. What is going on?

Mary learned very early on in her childhood that she could not be visible. If she was visible…(fill in the blanks.) The learned belief may be that

  • she would not be loved,
  • she was bad or
  • something terrible would happen as punishment for her arrogance.

This belief was most often communicated emotionally, without direct words or warning, but with great intensity.

The child learned this emotionally, nor rationally. She felt this belief as a life or death warning. “If I am visible, if I shine, then, something terrible will happen. I will not be loved. I am a bad person and God will punish me.”

The emotions inherited with the learned belief were:

  • Terror of being alone and not being loved if she became visible or took credit for her gifts and work.
  • Extreme shame and feelings of being evil, of being an opportunist of being arrogant if she name her worth or expressed her gifts.
  • Exaggerated feelings of dread and life-threatening fear that something terrible will happen the minute she steps out of her Invisibility Cloak.

The depth, weight and pull of your Emotional Undertow

These learned emotions are so threatening and forbidding to a child, that they create an emotional barrier.

For 35 years, Mary has fed these learned emotions. Every time that Mary wanted to shine, to express herself in public, to take credit for what she created, these same emotions reared their ugly head.

But Mary, not having the awareness of what was behind her fear or lacking the emotional skills to deal with them, repressed them.

At 35, Mary has 35 emotional tons of this threatening, shaming emotions accumulated. That’s her Emotional Undertow.

Emotions are flowing energies that run through our Energy Body, stirring up memories, signaling nerve responses, evoking images, generating physical states and turning on mental pathways. They are very powerful. More powerful than thoughts, because they carry charge that can ignite certain thoughts associated to them, so that your rational thoughts don’s stand a chance.

The good news is that these energies are constantly changing. That’s why they are archetypically associated with water. They can change form, color, temperature, density and electrical charge. They can be transformed. That is why you need to feel them, follow them to their source and then release the parts that are toxic. Imagine that you are combing them. Take out guilt, shame, learned fear, interpretations, etc. What is left is the pure power of emotions to propel you. What is left is your passion.

What you can do

When we take action against these learned limits of behavior or learned beliefs, these Emotional Undertow stirs up and pulls us back from the shore of our goals. We then need to use all we got to release that pull and move forward. Here are several things that help:

  • Feel what you feel. Give yourself time, space and permission to experience your emotion fully. Do not judge yourself. Do not badger yourself. Do not confuse yourself with your emotions. Seat with it, hold it. Feel it. Love yourself with it, through it and beyond it.
  • Do not identify with the emotions. Part of the problem is that as a child, you identify yourself with these overpowering emotions that ran through you. Now you can detach. Before allowing this Emotional Undertow to flow through you and experience these powerful emotions, seat breathing deeply for a few minutes, and feel your Core Self. This is your Soul-self. It holds your inner strength and wisdom. See it as an ancient tree that stands still in the midst of activity. Stand in the infinite power of your Soul and detach from the emotions as you feel them. This means that you allow yourself to feel them, but you don’t drown in them because you can observe them without confusing yourself with these old, learned emotions.
  • Self-parent yourself. One of the reasons this makes no sense to the adult you is because it is NOT the adult you who is carrying the Emotional Undertow. It is one or more of your Inner Children. Talk to them. Hold them in your arms. Listen to them and help them to FEEL loved, protected and ALLOWED to engage in the new behavior. This is a process, not a one shot deal.
  • You need to go within, recognize, clarify and release the learned beliefs and emotions in your unconscious. If you can’t find the hidden beliefs or emotions, or if they create undue anxiety, you can support your clearance process by:
  • Therapy
  • Working with a coach, spiritual teacher, shaman or minister
  • Meditation and reflection
  • Help from your spiritual guides
  • Reflection in nature, where the Sacred World will show you guidance
  • Journal writing
  • Shamanic Psychic Hunting.
  • Take action. Your emotions are learned signals from the past. Every time you take action, they subside a bit more. Eventually, the present results will override the past domestication and the emotions will go.
  • Get help and support. Whether a therapist, coach, support group or online community, you need the support of positive people to nourish the emotions that will build your Emotional Streams of Affluence, the positive emotional build up that carries you to your desired destiny.
  • Use a daily visualization practice or rituals that helps you transform the Emotional Undertow into Emotional Streams of Affluence. Try Shifting the World, a practice I teach in this blog.

Does this help? Let me know!

If you have any other question, feel free to ask it here, and I will gladly answer.

Light and love,

Maria Mar

The Dream Alchemist

RESOURCES

If you would like personal coaching, shamanic counseling or help in tracking down the source of your emotions, consider my coaching services at:

http://www.catchthedreamexpress.com/coaching.htm

For help on releasing, visit the Sonoma Method at:

http://www.sedona.com

For help transmuting emotions, releasing toxic beliefs and breaking through resistance in a gentle way, learn EFT. Get the free manual that explains the Emotional Freedom Technique here:

http://www.emofree.com/downloadeftmanual.asp

Love them, but leave them

Love them, but leave them

Releasing those who keep you trapped in the old world

Art by Maria Mar(c)2000

Art by Maria Mar(c)2000

Today I am writing about a painful subject. It is not easy to release habits. But when you realize that a friend you love, or an old client to whom you have dedicated lots of time, is keeping you spinning in old, harmful habits. What do you do?

I am talking about those moments in life when you have crossed the threshold into a new world. You left dysfunctional habits behind. You stepped into your dream. You released the thoughts and responses that were keeping you from being happy and fulfilling your potential.

You are now your dream, or closer to it than ever. In this new world, you feel the Essence of who you are. You are strong in your faith. You are nurturing your dream every day. You are sustaining your Dream Discipline, dedicating time and space to yourself and your dream. You have given yourself permission to be happy.

Many of the people who love you have understood that you changed. They have supported you in your dreams. They have been able to adapt to your new dynamics. By you changing your set of beliefs, thoughts and attitudes, your relationship with most people around you has improved greatly.

But there is this friend…

There is still this old client…

There are sometimes those who refuse to change because they are the slaves of the Dog of Habit. They allow the Dog of Habit to piss all over you and themselves. They chose not to change.

There are those who danced well with you when you did not set limits, when you caretook them in their every whim, when you kept giving when they were not receiving.

But the minute you set limits, stop caretaking and stand in your value, these people begin to escalate their old, dysfunctional behavior. This is their way of exerting control in a life that feels out of control. Your change feels to them as if they are losing control. They cannot honor your new dynamics. Basically, they do not fit in your new world.

What then?

People are not like a dress that you can take off. Love is not a habit that you can simply release, is it?

Well, sometimes it is.

We believe that friends are forever. This is not true. Love may be forever, but a friend may not. The love you have for a person, if it is true, if it has to do with their Essence, is eternal.

But what happens when that person herself does not honor her own Essence? Can you love her for the beauty of her soul when she is betraying that soul trying to control and manipulate others? When he is dishonoring that soul by being unfaithful or by being insensitive to others?

My answer is this. Love them, but leave them.

If you do not release these people in a good way, out of love, when there is still the possibility of simply moving away gently ~you may come to the point of a serious clash. Then you will have to leave in the middle of a fight or in a bitter way.

When someone you love is toxic to you, you need to release this person as an act of love for yourself and for him or her.

By toxic, I do not mean that they are finding it difficult to deal with your change. That’s normal. I don’t mean that they “make you” feel this or that way. No one “makes” you feel. That is giving your power away. If this is the case, assume the responsibility for your feelings, attitudes and responses.

What I mean by toxic is that they are not willing to respect your limits. Toxic to you are friends who repeatedly dishonor or betray you. Toxic are friends who play mind games. Toxic are people who are unwilling or unable to see how their acts affect others, how they are affecting you. Toxic people are blamers. They always have an excuse and a finger pointing somewhere else. There is no way that you can come to terms with people like that. You will be trying forever. Toxic are those who take, but do not receive. Toxic are those who take, but do not give.

Toxic people take you for granted. Their actions (and sometimes even their words) consistently reveal that they not value you. They put you down with words or actions. They make you invisible. They refuse to name the beauty and love you bring into their lives.

Toxic friends trample on your faith and speak only cynical words that take away all the magic and goodness in life.

Toxic friends may be charmers, but they cannot commit to love, to you or to their own words. These toxic friends do not know what they want. They keep asking for your help, only to drop the entire project the minute you committed your contacts or time to their support. You end up exhausted and your reputation is damaged with these toxic friends.

Toxic are people who begin a full-fledge war against your happiness, who do everything they can to bring you back to a place of suffering, so that you stay with them in their misery.

Toxic clients are those who keep asking for more and take everything, but do not RECEIVE it. Because they are not allowing the love in what you give to touch them, they do not FEEL the value of it. As a result, they always want more and nothing is enough. They do not value the gifts because in their emotional world, they have not let the gift in.

They do not trust or value your expertise. Because they do not value themselves, they distrust the value of anyone associated with them. Once they hire you, they do not value you. They will ask for others’ opinions and act on those opinions, even if these other people are not experts. They will not follow your counsel and when their actions lead them to failure, they will fail to see that it was not your counsel, but their stupidity that lead them to that end.

Toxic clients haggle about the price of your service. They pay late and come up with excuses. They do not do their work and then complain that your service is not working. They give you the materials late and procrastinate, so that you cannot fulfill your contract with them. Then they come back after the contract date is over and want you to be their time slave and keep on working for them.

It is hard to understand how saying goodbye can be an act of love. But if your love for another is betraying your love for yourself, then it will soon become poison, not love. The only loving thing to do is leave.

Most of us hold on to toxic love because we are afraid to be alone. We are afraid to be rejected. We are afraid to go out into a world full of strangers. Will we make new friends? Will they love us? So we stay in toxic relationships.

If you are facing such a relationship now, use the descriptions in this blog to evaluate it. Is this friend or client toxic? Is your love or loyalty for this person running against your loyalty and love for yourself?

If the answer is yes, love them, but leave them.

The Toxic Relationships Self-help Kit

The Toxic Relationships Self-help Kit

Yes, I know it’s easier said than done. I’m not going to lie to you that it is easy. That’s why I am creating the Toxic Relations Self-help Kit to answer all your questions. You can pre-order it by clicking here. You can also take 2 minutes and contribute your voice and experience to the kit by answering the Toxic Relations survey (and get a $5 discount if you purchase.)

I see people running away from pain all the time. Most people do. They stay in miserable jobs, abusive relationships, diminishing friendships and tiny existential rooms… all because they are afraid of the pain they will experience if they choose to change. As a consequence, they experience a long, self-destructive, hard pain that increases as time goes by and eventually becomes disease, depression and despair. Running away from pain leads you directly towards harder, longer pain. Compare to that, the pain of change is but a fraction, and then freedom follows.

You are an atom in the divine body. You are a gift to the world. You’ve worked so hard to learn, heal and build a good live. Love yourself enough to walk away from that which diminishes you.

No one deserves that you betray your soul, your happiness and your potential. No one deserves that you go back to your old world, becoming a ghost just for them. That option is not love. It is not love for them. And it is certainly not love for yourself.

Maria Mar(c)

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DO NOT copy this article. If you want to use this article for your blog or ezine, please contact Maria Mar. The duplication quota for this article online has been reached. Email Maria for a re-make.

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Maria Mar is the Dream Alchemist, an inspirational speaker, poet, coach, author and spiritual teacher who helps women create the life of their dreams. Visit her at: Catch the Dream Express!

RESOURCES:

This is a good article by Guy Finley. It shows you how to recognize 4 types of toxic people.

http://stason.org/articles/life/self-growth/Stay-Away-From-These-Four-Types-of-Toxic-People.html

For more information, visit Guy at:

http://www.guyfinley.com

The Toxic Relationship Self-help Kit: Love them, but leave them.

Shifting your World for instant manifestation

Shifting the World

Beyond the Law of Attraction spins the Law of Alignment

By Maria Mar(c)

Shifting the World, Guided Audio Meditation by Artist-shaman Maria Mar.

Shifting the World, Guided Audio Meditation by Artist-shaman Maria Mar.

When you have a deep desire for something, but feel an equally strong sense of frustration at not having it, you are at a Dimensional Fork. The shaman sees you between two dimensions that open, like two roads, in front of you. This post gives you clear instructions on how to use this magical place of the Dimensional Fork to instantly manifest what you desire. It teaches you the practice of Shifting your World. For direct guidance and in-depth knowledge, pre-order the audio and ebook Shifting the Worlds or the Female Secrets in the Law of Attraction Audio Meditation Series.

Pre-order now. No pre-payment or obligation to purchase.

Pre-order now. No pre-payment or obligation to purchase.

As you stand in the Dimensional Fork, you see that in one dimension, the one that feels more real and solid right now, you lack what you desire (otherwise you would be enjoying it, not craving for it). Let’s call this the Dimension of Lack. In the other dimension, however, it already exists. You can’t see or experience this dimension yet because there is something stopping you. Perhaps fear, disbelief or old beliefs do not allow you to experience the Dimension of your Desire. But it’s there. You know this is true because of your feelings. Your Emotional Intelligence knows that this dimension is your true belonging. It pushes you, through your desire and longing, to seek it. That is why you find yourself in the Dimensional Fork.

The feelings in the Dimensional Fork are similar to catching a glimpse of your desire just ahead, but you seem to make the wrong turn and end up in a place of lack. Or you feel as if what you seek is right at the reach of your fingertips, but it slips away. These feelings indicate that you already attracted what you wanted. It is trying to get to you, but an energy misalignment prevents it from reaching you. If this is true for you now, you must step beyond the Law of Attraction into the Law of Alignment. You must align yourself with your dream.

The ebook that accompanies the Guided Audio Meditation includes a real life story of how I used this practice to instantly manifest a simple desire. If you practice Shifting the World in simple things, you will master the technique for more ambitious desires.

PRACTICE

FIRST PHASE: EMOTIONAL CHARGE

You need to move into the Dimensional Fork. As you can tell from the story, this happens when your desire stands up to your frustration, so that you are emotionally charged by BOTH. If you are not right now at a powerful charged situation, then evoke these emotions.

STEP 1: Evoke the emotions of the Dimension of Lack.

Situate the Dimension of Lack that you have experienced in the past, up ‘till now, to your left. It is your left road. (The left hand records the past.) Extend your left hand, closed in a fist, palm down. See and visualize the old reality as a road opening to your left.

A. EVOKE the experience of lack. See how you are living now without the object of your desire. Evoke the feelings of lack, including frustration, hunger, sadness, abandonment and any other feelings. See the Dimension of Lack playing in front of you, to your left. How does it feel and look?

B. ACCEPT your feelings of lack.

C. DETACH from these feelings.

D. SPIN THE ORBIT by concentrating on the energy frequency created by this old reality. Turn your fist 90 degrees and open it slightly, so that you form an O with your fingers, the tip of the thumb slight touching the tip of the index finger. Concentrate your attention on the energy spinning in this circle in your hand, until you can hear and feel it clearly.

E. RESONATE out loud by giving this frequency sound. Try to generate a sound that is as close to the spinning energy in your hand as it feels right. Listen to this resonance.

STEP 2:  Evoke the emotions of the Dimension of Desire.

Turn your attention to your right. Curl your right hand into a fist, palm down, and extend the arm. See the future you want as a road opening right now in front of you, to your right. This is the Dimension of Desire. (The right hand records the future.)

A. EVOKE the experience of what you want. Imagine it vividly. Touch it. See it. Smell it. Feel the feelings of fullness, satisfaction, joy, lovability, belonging, buoyancy, peace, harmony, wellbeing and other feelings that arise from this experience.

B. ACCEPT these as you watch the movie run in front of you, vividly depicting the reality in your Dimension of Desire.

C. DETACH from any feeling of longing or any other feeling that comes from NOT having this.

D. SPIN THE ORBIT by concentrating on the energy frequency created by this desired reality. Turn your fist 90 degrees and open it slightly, so that you form an O with your fingers, the tip of the thumb slight touching the tip of the index finger. Concentrate your attention on the energy spinning in this circle in your hand, until you can hear and feel it clearly.

E. RESONATE out loud by giving this frequency sound. Try to generate a sound that is as close to the spinning energy in your hand as it feels right. Listen to this resonance.

PHASE TWO: STAND AT THE PLACE OF PARADOX

The Dimensional Fork is a Place of Paradox because two seemingly opposite universes or forces are happening simultaneously.

Step 1: Consider the left road

See yourself standing at the Dimensional Fork. Spend a few minutes witnessing (in detachment) the Dimension of Lack. Concentrate on the frequency spinning in your left hand. Witness what this dimension is about, what it consists of.  Witness how you feel inside it. This witnessing may yield instant revelations as to what is creating the misalignment that keeps you trapped in the Dimension of Lack. You may feel or see some emotional attachment or habits that keep you there. Don’t expect anything, however. Trust the experience as it is.

Step 2: Consider the right road

Concentrate now on your extended right arm and the frequency spinning in your right hand. Spend a few minutes witnessing the Dimension of Desire.  Concentrate on the frequency spinning on your right hand. Immerse yourself in the feelings of this dimension as it is happening right now.

Do NOT allow yourself to fall into a hunger for this reality. If it is happening, there is no need to hunger for it. 

See what the Dimension of Desire is about, what it consists of. What makes it essential or desirable for you? What feelings and emotions does it create in you?

This witnessing may yield instant revelations as to what is creating the misalignment that does not allow the Dimension of Desire to get to you. You may see that there are certain fears or doubts holding you back. Sometimes we fear what we want as badly as we fear what we don’t want.  Simply witness whatever comes up. Don’t expect anything, however. Trust the experience as it is.

PHASE THREE: FREE CHOICE

Now that you stand in the Dimensional Fork, in a Place of Paradox, you can grasp all the dimensions of your present reality. Now you are the master, not the slave. You can choose freely.

Step 1: Leave the left road

Inhale deeply. As you open your left fist, exhale and release the Dimension of Lack. Withdraw all your emotions and attentions from it. Release all doubt and hunger. If you saw any attachment or habits, release them in exhalation. Turn your entire body to your right. Don’t look back.

Step 2: Take the right road

Inhale deeply. As you open the right fist, embrace the Dimension of Desire. Give all your attention and emotions to this reality. Release all doubt and fear and enjoy living in that dimension.

Concentrate on the frequency spinning on your right hand until you can feel it spinning up your arm and all around you. Knit the fingers of both hand together across your solar plexus, and enjoy the vibration of the Dimension of Desire. Immerse yourself in that vibrational frequency. Enjoy the feelings, vision and frequency in this dimension.

Feed this frequency with an Inner Smile. Allow this smile to emerge from deep within your heart up to your lips and shine through your eyes.

Feed this new frequency with feelings of gratitude, acceptance, trust and receptivity. Open your heart to the new allies and opportunities that will be magnetize by the resonance of this new frequency.

For a more detailed description, including how to sustain the new frequencey and use this as a ceremony, with the guided audio meditation, pre-order the upcoming product. No pre-payment or obligation.

Shifting the World, Guided Audio Meditation by Artist-shaman Maria Mar.

Shifting the World, Guided Audio Meditation by Artist-shaman Maria Mar.

I love when you take one minute to comment on the posts. It lets me know that someone is benefiting from the tools I share.

Light and love,

Maria Mar

The Dream Alchemist

Maria Mar(c)

You can use this quote as long as you include my name and copyright mark and the paragraph below, with functional link:

Maria Mar is the Dream Alchemist, an inspirational poet, speaker, coach, author and spiritual teacher who helps women create the life of their dreams. Visit her at: Catch the Dream Express!

The Real Tragedy of Drama Queens

The real tragedy of Drama Queens

By Maria Mar(c)

When you are trapped in your habitual Soap Opera Dramas, you are self-involved to the point that you miss sight of three vital things: your surroundings, other people and your goals. Here is the real tragedy of the Drama Queen.

1. She wastes precious emotional fuel going around in circles.

2. She wastes time and resources going around in circles.

3. She alienates allies, healthy peers and healthy partners with her self-involved, ineffective and habitual dysfunctional scripts.

4. She leaks prosperity, loses clients and wastes money.

5. She adopts the pose of an ineffective, disorganized and unprofessional woman.

6. She fails to see how she is creating stress in those around her.

7. She misrepresents her business or capacity and creates situations where she will not be promoted or hired.

8. She dumps her toxic drama on her loved ones and creates terrible stress on her family, especially her partner and children.

9. She repels her children and partner, who need to move away from her in order to grow and function healthily.

10. She uses her drama to manipulate others, as an ineffective attempt to control the situation and to beg for attention.

11. She uses her power to sabotage her dream as she runs hysterically on the same spot, until she digs her own grave.

12. Because she creates high levels of stress that lead to hypertension, heart attack, muscle spasms, anxiety attacks, stomach trouble, ulcers, brain tumors, cancer, strokes and more. Make your choice.

Would you rather be a Drama Queen or act as the genuine, powerful Queen of your own life and Dream?

SOLUTION:

If you choose to be the real queen, here is one quick, easy way to stop your Drama before it catches momentum.

The minute you see yourself spinning into your Drama, say out loud to yourself: “STOP!”

Then breathe deeply and slowly. As you exhale, say firmly and clearly, without drama: “There is no drama. I am clear and there is no problem.”

As soon as you regain your center, become aware of how you have lost your compass.

  1. See how you are affecting those around you,
  2. See how you have deviated from your goal, and
  3. See how you are creating chaos or anxiety in your situation.

Now proceed to calmly re-focus on your goal or the solution of the problem, sustaining a centered, calming mood and consciously spreading it around.

EXAMPLE:
Let’s say that your usual drama is losing the car keys before going out.You enter a frenzy and send everyone spinning for the keys, just to find them 20 minutes later where you have left them misplaced the night before.

The minute you see yourself spinning that drama, say “STOP” to yourself, energetically and firmly (without involving others in the drama).

Then breathe deeply and slowly. As you exhale, say to yourself: “There is no drama. I am clear and there is no problem.”

Observe how you have lost your compass: Perhaps your family is already tense at the prospect of yet another crazy moment before going out and the anticipation of being late to their appointments. Perhaps by getting into this anxiety rollercoaster, you are neglecting to check that you have what you need for today’s presentation, so that you will sabotage yourself getting there late and unprepared. Perhaps you are creating chaos and stress in your daily life by all these little dramas. RELEASE that choice and embrace Inner Peace.

Now proceed to calmly retrace your steps the last time you place your keys when you got home.

I hope this helps you!

Stop by and leave your comments as things begin to change and you occupy the throne of your true queendom!

Maria Mar(c) You can use this quote as long as you include my name and copyright mark and the paragraph below:

Maria Mar is the Dream Alchemist, an inspirational poet, speaker, coach, author and spiritual teacher who helps women create the life of their dreams. Visit her at: Catch the Dream Express at http://www.catchthedreamexpress.com!