Bless Away your Holiday Stress


Bless Away the Holiday Stress

By Maria Mar (c)2009


The tree is up. The lights are on. The music plays. The Holidays are here, full of bright colors, smiles and good spirits. So why do you feel so blah? You go along and do the deeds, but your heart is not in it.


Or perhaps you are feeling quiet the opposite, like a renegade train running so fast that it is missing the Holiday station! Could it be that you are speeding past the Holiday Spirit? Read on and find out what may be causing your Holiday Stress and how to bless it away.

There are four main sources of Holiday Blues or Stress:

Broken Heart, Broken Back, Broken Bag or Broken compass. Let’s take a quick look at each:


Broken Heart

You have experienced an emotional loss. You got divorced or you are remembering a loved one that died recently or during the Christmas season. Basically, you are grieving.


Broken Back

You are the victim of too many pressures, exhaustion or emotional stress. You are rushing around so much that you can’t catch your breath long enough to smell the scent of the Holidays.


Broken Bag

You are jobless, suffered financial cuts or in some other way are experiencing a financial crisis that makes it hard or impossible to shop, give, entertain or celebrate the Holidays as you’ve done
before.


Broken Compass

Something is askew. You can’t find your joy. You feel depleted, empty. You know you should be happy, but you can’t celebrate. You feel that you have lost your Personal Compass. If any of this is true for you or for someone dear to you, then there is one powerful way in which you can release the burden that is keeping you from celebrating the Holidays. This path is not easy, but it is powerful enough to
turn drab blue into bright red and bring the Holidays alive again. It is the path of Self-love.

Self-love is many things to many people, it is different in each situation, and it can be a tall order to tackle. But here we are going to focus on four simple self-love approaches, one for each of the problems above. Each approach has one thing in common: a blessing.

Choose the option you need:

The Wounded Sacred Heart

The sacred medicine of the grieving heart is called the Sacred Wounded Heart. This is often represented by the Sacred Heart of Jesus, the Wounded Healer or the Broken Heart of the Spiritual Warrior. The spiritual principle in your broken heart reminds you that new birth pushes through old obstacles, like a green shoot breaking ground. The act that allows this transformation to take place is to feel your pain from a place of courageous surrendering.

Here’s how to do this.

  1. Embrace your grief during a clearly delimited time
    each day.
    Observe when the sadness most often overcomes you and give yourself permission to cry at that time.

  2. Cry or lament fully and completely, surrendering
    to your pain.
    Do not hold back. Wale or howl if you need to.

  3. Give yourself ample time, an hour perhaps.
    More if you need it. It will eventually decrease and you can adjust the time for your needs.

  4. When the time for crying is over each day, shift
    to your Spiritual Warrior.
    Take a hold of your faith. Seating in the consciousness of your immortality, release the belief that you have lost this person.

  5. Then recite this blessing below. (You may write it down and place it on a prominent place.)

  6. Live up to this blessing for the rest of the day until the next time to grieve.

  7. Do not push yourself to be happy in the way we usually define it. Rather, live from the love emanating from your soul, love for yourself and all of creation.

  8. Create an altar or corner where you can each day
    honor the departed
    in whatever ways feel appropriate. Recognize that s/he also has an immortal soul and is still present in your life, but without the flesh dress, as a being of pure light.

BLESSING

“I bless my Broken Heart, and open my being to the Sacred Tree of Love and Wisdom growing in this wound. Now I water it with these tears. But each day I also shine on it the sun of my gratitude, love and hope. I allow the Sacred Tree of Love and Wisdom growing within me to emerge from this wound, transforming my life. I seat on the Throne of my Immortal Soul, that suffers no loss, for it is one with everything.”


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Warrior Mother Tree, art by Maria Mar(c)2009. Click to buy the ScreenArt Saver.
The Dance of Stillness

The reason we push ourselves to do so many things, the reason why our to-do list seems to grow and we never feel we are doing enough, is because we confuse our doing with our being. If we are not still
long enough; if we are not quiet long enough to connect to our soul and our
Core Self; then we begin to live as human doings, instead of human beings.

The Medicine for this is the Dance of Stillness. There is a place within you in which you can inhabit the stillness between each movement, the silence between each sound. This place is called The Dance of Stillness.


This dance begins in what I call Sky Mind. You get there by releasing your logical, small, Ego Mind. This is the mind that holds the to-do list and identifies with what you do.


The Dance of Stillness is a way of living that requires years of discipline. But you can start right now and feel the benefits immediately. You will have to re-adjust yourself during the day, as
you forget. But each time you go back to the Dance of Stillness, you
are training your mind to be Sky Mind and yourself to live from that
peaceful place.


Here is a quick start-up that involves five daily actions:

  1. Begin each day with 5 minutes of deep breathing
    and stilling the mind. Concentrate on the inhalation traveling to your belly and then the rest of your body and in the exhalation being as slow as possible.

  2. Make a commitment to shorten your activity list by
    half
    , and to do things in order of priority and ease of flow. Every
    time you finish doing one thing, bless yourself and all people
    involved, receive its goodness in your heart and then release
    any further worry, thought or time investment on this item.

  3. Go straight to the source of love. If you have
    a physical or emotional “broken back” –meaning that you are sick, depressed, injured, physically challenged or overwhelmed, release the to-do list completely. Meditate on how you can flow your love easily, effortlessly, and to whom you want to direct it, and then focus on that, disregarding the cosmetic details that we so often confuse with love.

  4. Take a nap after lunch or when you get home.
    Take a 15 minute nap in the middle of the day. Lay down. You don’t have to fall asleep. Simply close your eyes, let go of worry and breathe deeply, surrendering your burden, your stress and even the task of keeping your body upright to Earth Mother.

  5. Every night, release the obsession with controlling everything, and hand it over to God. Ask Divine Will to carry your burden for you. Say this blessing:

BLESSING

“I bless my Broken Back, and allow my body and my
soul to heal naturally and quickly while I release my illusions of control. I shed the cosmetic details that my Ego Mind confuses with love. I go directly to the source of love, showering myself in Divine Love. I spread my love easily and effortlessly, as the Sky spreads its light. I bless myself and all my loved ones in the light of love.



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The Alchemist Touch



Enjoy a storytelling blog post to shift prosperity perception.
This recession is to our national being as a crisis is to our personal being.
A crisis is that moment when a door that had been hidden, its iron hinges rusting, its paint blending with the frame, until we
saw no door, only a wall –suddenly opens.

That creaking, trembling door opening looks like the wall is crumbling down or there’s an earthquake. But it’s really a new path
opening to us.


The earth-shaking change may seem to be an external circumstance that is happening TO you, something life is doing to you, without your consent. But it is something that happens deeply and firstly in your psyche.


When the hinges begin to move against the rust and the door pulls back from the frame, it is hurts. This recession may have left you penniless, jobless or in a very tight –even scary– financial situation.

The question is not “how much I can afford to spend?”


The question is “What are the values that de-rust the hinges of this door and where does it lead?”

As long as you keep trying to spend as you’ve done before or as you think you have to, you will feel deprived and disempowered. You will see the crisis as a thief, not a door. You are placing your attention on the lack. You are insisting on keeping things as they were.


But crisis is a demand and a bridge to change. The Universe is not asking you to change. It is demanding you to. If you trust that the Universe is your ally, that it is your Cosmic Self, then this demand is a bridge to a new, better life.

What to do? Become an Alchemist. Use this alchemical formula.

  1. Release this stress by recognizing the gold in
    this leaden situation.
    What seems like a financial crisis may be a golden opportunity to reclaim the true spirit of Christmas. Make this holiday a time of adventure, deep love and genuine giving, re-focusing from the material to the emotional and spiritual.

  2. Search for ways to return Christmas values into
    your life
    , instead of focusing on spending.

  3. Find out more about volunteering to help others in
    Volunteering for Christmas. (This link goes to my Holiday
    2009 Newsletter edition, where I offer links to resources.)

  4. Give Experiential Gifts. This practice allows
    you to give of yourself with little or no spending while creating
    unforgettable moments with your loved ones. Read about
    Experiential Gifts.

  5. Recite the Alchemical Blessing below every morning
    and evening
    for the duration of the Holidays, and

  6. Have a blast of a Holiday!

BLESSING

“I bless my Broken Bag, and track down the hole
that has bled my life force, love and values and that has manifested in this lack. I allow my Soul to lead me back to the source of love and abundance. I allow my Higher Self to guide me to the changes necessary to expand my consciousness and enter the new reality. I
unhinge the locked, rusty door of my old limits and walk into a better life. Though I do not see the silver lining yet, I am grateful and joyful for this golden opportunity.”



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Holy Days Retreat


Awaken the Rose audio and self-love meditation returns you to center and awakens the flow of your love. Click here to read more.
If the Holiday Spirit eludes you, no matter how hard you try, then your Soul is crying for time out.


There are essential things in your life that you need to recalibrate and you can not pretend. Christmas is not a time for
pretending happiness, but for experiencing genuine joy.


Joy is often bubbly, exciting and expansive. But sometimes joy is not about merrymaking, but about entering deep silence and listening to your soul. This insight, or inward looking, can unlock the dam that is stifling your emotions. This, in turn, restores your Personal Compass. As your soul feels listened and loved, and can once again guide you towards your True Infinite Self and your life’s purpose, it
returns to genuine joy, one that is not dependent on festivities and
external trimmings.


You need a Holy Days Retreat. Here’s what to do:

  1. Find or prepare a peaceful, quiet, uninterrupted
    place for your Holy Days Retreat
    . It can be a place in nature, a
    spiritual institution or a room in your own home. You can even open a tent in a corner of the house and ask everyone not to interrupt you while you are there.

  2. Prepare yourself to enter this retreat for a
    specific time.
    If you can, make it at least three days. If you can’t, then assign a specific number of hours each day to that retreat. You can do a sleep-in retreat in your tent. Call upon your Native American Spiritual Guides to teach you how to use this tent as a Ceremonial Tepee.

  3. Choose carefully a few basic Holiday activities
    and release the others. This is not Christmas or New Year as usual. This is a life-changing transition. Acknowledge this and give yourself permission to experience it. Receive the gift that this Holy Days are bringing and trust that it will expand your consciousness and enrich your life.

  4. Create a ceremony or Inward Journey to hear and
    follow your Personal Compass.
    For an excellent guide, see the
    Roadmap Home: Your GPS to Inner Peace.
    (When you click on this link you will go to the Resource section in my Holiday 2009 Newsletter.)

  5. Recite the Holy Day Compass Blessing below every morning and night during the Holidays.

BLESSING

“I bless my Broken Compass, and I still my mind
and body in order to listen to my Soul’s soft voice and wise guidance. I let go of control, rush and busyness. I return to the state of Grace and Receptivity that brings the voice of my Soul to the foreground of my consciousness. I welcome the guidance of my Circle of Light and my Higher Self and receive the blessings of this special Holy Days, bringing me back home to my True Self.”



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Maria Mar is an author, speaker and ceremonialist poet. She is also a spiritual teacher and an internationally known shaman who inspires women to manifest the life of their dreams. Find out more at Catch
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Are you a toxic magnet?

Are you a Toxic Magnet?

By Maria Mar(c)2009

Excerpt from

Toxic Relationships: Love them, but LEAVE Them

Digital Self-help Kit and Home Study Course

Are you signaling toxic people that you are a willing prey?

The Toxic Relationships Self-help Kit

The Toxic Relationships Self-help Kit

Are you an unwilling, unconscious magnet for toxic people? If you often find yourself dealing with toxic people or if the effects of toxic encounters affect you more and for a longer time than they affect others, then you may be a Toxic Magnet.

Just because you have a couple of toxic relationships that need addressing or because you know some toxic people does not mean that you are a Toxic Magnet. Toxic people are everywhere. You are bound to meet a couple of every month, at least. Whether you hook up with them or not is another matter.

But if you often suffer from the anxiety, emotional torture and negative drama that toxic people generate, then you may want to examine if you are a Toxic Magnet.

This mini self-assessment is an excerpt from Toxic Relationships: Love them, but LEAVE Them, a digital Self-help Kit and Home Study Course that helps you understand, transform and release the toxic relationships in your life.

To establish your Primary Emotional Response Pattern, in the list below, check any feelings that arise from your toxic encounter. Address one encounter at a time.

SECTION A

___  I keep thinking that I’ve done something wrong and keep trying to come up with another way of responding, but everything fails.

___   I feel guilty when I tell the person how I feel or when I set limits.

___  I feel hurt and sad. I want the person to tell me that she loves me and accept me as I am.

SECTION B

___    I want to win. I want her to apologize and accept that she is wrong. I keep bring up evidence and arguments, but she won’t give in.

___    I feel trapped and frustrated. I can’t find a way to get a win-win solution. Everything I say is misinterpreted and I am at the end of my wit.

___    I wrap myself in patience and try to address each complaint. But the complaints never seize and it’s frustrating.

SECTION C

___    I feel that I am more mature and healthy than this person and should be able to address the situation in an effective way.

___    I allow the person to rant and rave or do her acting out. I feel like a mother waiting for a kid to finish a tantrum.

___    I speak to her as to a child, softly and calmly. I listen attentively and then ask questions.

SECTION D

___    I feel exhausted. I am drained of all energy. I feel unable to continue with this dynamic, and at the same time, I am scared of what she might do if I do not continue.

___    My overwhelming feeling is fear. Fear that I may be fired, that I will be judged, that I will be exposed or hurt. I feel intimidated.

___    I can’t find my voice. I want to scream or confront the person, but I get a lump in my throat.

SECTION E

___    I want to go away and avoid the whole thing because it causes too much anxiety.

___    I go away emotionally. I feel frozen or paralyzed or simply disappear and show up when it’s all over.

___    I am shocked. I can’t believe it. It all becomes a blur.

Look at the section that has the most checks. That’s your Primary Emotional Response Patterns.

Section A= Defective

Section B=Fixer

Section C=Saint

Section D=Follower

Section E=Sleepwalker

Types of Toxic Magnets

We humans are complex beings. Once you have dived into the infinite layers of the subconscious, you learn that we are as vast as all universes existing throughout eternity.

Therefore, the types that are presented in this self-assessment barely scratch the surface of your Toxic Magnet behaviors and beliefs. Furthermore, you will rarely fit only in one Toxic Magnet Type.

However, recognizing your Primary Emotional Responses allows you to spot how a specific toxic person or situation triggers a specific type of Toxic Magnet response in you. Since you cannot change the other, but you can change your responses, this information empowers you to change the responses that keep you hooked in the Toxic Dance.

Section A: The Defectives

If you checked a majority of items in Section A, you may respond to the Toxic Magnet Type called Defectives. The Defectives secretly feel defective, damaged, less than others or insufficient. They seek to gain value by giving, being good, serving others, placating or appeasing or by playing second best.

If you fit this profile, this does not mean that you ARE defective. It means that the Ugly Duckling is alive somewhere in your psyche, stealing the majestic Swan you truly are. This hooks you up with toxic people, who are big blamers. Their blaming triggers your secret feelings of not being enough and keeps you hooked in the Toxic Dance.

Section B: The Fixers

If you checked a majority of items in Section B, you may respond to the Toxic Magnet Type called Fixers. The Fixers need something or someone to fix in order to distract themselves from their own issues. They have inherited an emotional belief that they cannot be loved unless they give others what they want, unless they are needed, in control or perfect.

If you fit this profile, this does not automatically mean that you ARE a control freak and want to fix everyone ―though this may also be true. It means that when a toxic person complaints or blame others or a situation for their actions, you get hooked trying to solve the problem and that fixing obsession keeps you in the Toxic Dance.

Section C: The Followers

If you checked a majority of items in Section C, you may respond to the Toxic Magnet Type called Followers. The Followers learned to blend with the wall paper in order to avoid conflict or abuse. They focus on others to gain their support and avoid decisions, risks or responsibility. They are afraid to assume their power or leadership or to speak their truth.

If you fit this profile, this does not automatically mean that you ARE a coward who is easily bullied. It means that when a toxic person displays intimidating behavior, you may be unable to stand up to this person. You may freeze, lose your voice or give in to avoid conflicts. By giving in, you stay in the Toxic Dance.

Section D: The Saints

If you checked a majority of items in Section D, you may respond to the Toxic Magnet Type called Saints. The Saints believe that they have to sacrifice in order to deserve a place in the world. They also believe that to gain heaven or spiritual evolution, they need to sacrifice their own desires, happiness and sometimes even their wellbeing.

If you fit this profile, this does not automatically mean that you ARE a goody-two-shoes who can’t stand up for herself. It means that when a toxic person trespasses your personal boundaries, you are going to use inappropriate compassion to enable their inappropriate behavior. By sacrificing your personal needs and not prioritizing your own feelings and desires, you get pulled into the Toxic Dance

Section E: The Sleep-walkers

If you checked a majority of items in Section E, you may respond to the Toxic Magnet Type called Sleep-Walker. The Sleep-Walkers “go away” at the least sign of danger, confrontation or risk. They may do this by disconnecting emotionally or mentally from the situation, literally leaving, “switching off” or using an addictive behavior or substance.

If you fit this profile, this does not automatically mean that you ARE Sleeping Beauty personified ―though you should track down how pervasive this reaction is in your life. It means that when a toxic person discharges their toxic energy or creates conflicts, you will not be able to take effective action because you will fall into the sleeping trance, which keeps you in the Toxic Dance.

I hope that in recognizing the role you may play in attracting, hooking up with or allowing the toxic behavior, you have realized to what measure you may be a Toxic Magnet.

In the measure in which you avoid your responsibility and are afraid of assuming your Personal Power, in that measure you become a Toxic Magnet.

In the measure in which you are not willing to see what you see, in which you avoid the truth and try to change, appease or follow others to avoid confrontation, in that same measure your become a Toxic Magnet.

In the measure in which you see what you see, take responsibility for your choices and assume your Personal Power, in that same measure you signal to toxic people that you are not prey.

In the measure in which you honor your truth, release control over others and stand as your self-authority, in that same measure you are free from the hooks and attachments that keep people in the Toxic Dance.

The END

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You can use this article in ezines, web pages and other online media as long as you include my name and copyright mark and the paragraph below, with functional link:

Maria Mar(c)2009. Maria Mar is a writer, inspirational speaker and poet, a spiritual teacher and an internationally known shaman. Maria helps people understand and release toxic relationships in the Toxic
Relationships: Love them, but LEAVE Them
Digital Self-help Kit and Home Study Course


Why Toxic People don’t like your Personal Boundaries

Why Toxic People

don’t like your Personal Boundaries

By Maria Mar(c)

This post is a response to one of the questions asked in the Toxic Relationships Survey that I posted in Polldaddy.

You asked the following question:

Why do some people have such difficult time accepting and respecting boundaries that other people put in place? Why do they take it personally?

The Toxic Relationships Self-help Kit

The Toxic Relationships Self-help Kit

Like everything else that relates to humans, there is no generic answer to this question. Toxic People come in several varieties. This means that there are, at least, half a dozen answers to this question. I will discuss three here. For more information, you can check the Toxic Relationships Self-help Kit.

Comfort Dwellers

These people ―who can be toxic, or not― know and accept only what is comfortable and safe for them, which means that

  • It’s habitual,
  • It’s part of their inherited beliefs and worldview, or
  • It’s accepted by the mass trance, which is their only vision of reality.

If your personal limits go beyond any of these familiar parameters, the Comfort Dwellers will find them alien, unreasonable and yes, they make take it as a personal insult or rejection. At the very least, they will take your limits as a personal extravagance that you are asking them to endure.

Since Comfort Dwellers understand safety and comfort, present your personal boundaries as the parameters where you feel safe and comfortable and ask them to support you. If they are not toxic, they will. If they are toxic, their response will have to do with whether that particular boundary you raise activates their Toxic Field or not. If it does, they will discharge their poison. It’s up to you to not take it personally or distance yourself appropriately.

Terrified Tweeters

If you read the sample chapter in the Toxic Relationships Self-help Kit, you know that the Terrified Tweeters are people who are living in fear. To cover up or address this fear, they stay safely within the Walls of Expectations that they have inherited or built. This means that:

  • They haven’t questioned their inherited beliefs and are trapped in a normalcy script that they call “reality,”
  • They have not questioned their own personal myths about themselves because they have not given themselves enough attention,
  • They are terrified of looking beneath the lies and illusions of their dysfunctional family of origin to see the truth, or
  • They will do anything to avoid pain, which has lead to the betrayal of their True Self and their Personal Dream.

To some Terrified Tweeters, your personal boundaries feel like stabs in the heart. Why? Because they have not dared to set their own boundaries. Why? Because they have not dared to take the time to know themselves, love themselves or establish their unique experience. To other Terrified Tweeters, your boundaries seem selfish, rude or a rejection. These tweeters are trapped in social scripts and have betrayed their own uniqueness. Your insistence on being yourself triggers their Toxic Fields, and they feel compelled to discharge their toxic emotions.

Since Terrified Tweeters live in fear, anything that you can do to assure them that you love and accept them and that you are not asking them to do what you do will help alleviate their fear. Keep those boundaries clear, however. There may be a need to distance yourself in those activities or areas that trigger their Toxic Fields. The good news is that once your Personal Dream is manifested and your goals achieved, some Terrified Tweeters may in fact, seek you out to learn how to accomplish their own dreams with the least amount of pain. Others, however, will escalate their toxic discharge because you have now grown from a vague threat to a successful threat to their status quo.

Darth Vaders

Though the Darth Vaders also come in different varieties, they are either

  • Conscious of your personal rights and needs, but unwilling to honor them, or
  • So submerged in their own darkness or misery that they enjoy taunting you as a way of feeding their Shadows.

As far as toxic people come, the Darth Vaders are the least common variety and the easiest to detect. They are also the most deadly. What would you do if you saw a vampire? Make that boundary as impenetrable a shield as the cross is to vampires, and run as far as your legs take you!

Ultimately, your personal boundaries are there to serve you. As we are all one, however, in serving you, your personal boundaries should also help others. At the least, they should improve your relationship with those that can vibrate at your own frequency.

Raise your personal limits with love and respect to others. That is all you can do. Those who cannot accept them are trapped in their own limitations. If they take it personally, don’t make the same mistake. Don’t take their response personally. Release them to their personal choices and detach from their personal limits.

When you release people to their choices, miraculous things happen. Sometimes, that’s all that is needed for them to come around.

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Has this helped you? Let me know in your comments. If you receive this via email, click here to comment.

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To ask your question and share your opinions on toxic relationships, take 3 minutes to answer the survey at: http://surveys.polldaddy.com/s/65557601854217B2/

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Read more about the Toxic Relationships Self-help Kit at: http://www.catchthedreamexpress.com/toxicrelationships-self-help_kit.htm

Light and love,

Maria Mar

The Dream Alchemist

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Maria Mar(c)

You can use this article in ezines, web pages and other online media as long as you include my name and copyright mark and the paragraph below, with functional link:

Maria Mar is the Dream Alchemist, an inspirational poet, speaker, coach, author and spiritual teacher who helps women create the life of their dreams. Visit her at: Catch the Dream Express!

Peer pressure and toxic relationships

Peer Pressure

and Toxic Relationships

Excerpt from


The Toxic Relationship Self-help Kit:


Love them, but LEAVE them

By Maria Mar(c)2009

Terrified Tweeter jumped from
branch to branch, tweeting as hard as she could. Her friends, scared of the
terrible danger that the small bird announced, stayed safely at a distance.

They admired Tweeter’s courage. Such a tiny bird, staying on the same tree
as that mean predator, Haughty Hawk. What courage! Small as she was,
Terrified Tweeter was relentless. Her tweets were so loud that her whole
body shook with their resonance.

Meanwhile Hawk sat on a steady
branch at the other side of the Ancient Tree, meditating. But it was hard to
meditate with all the racket that the tiny bird was creating. Haughty Hawk
was annoyed. Why was the bird so scared now, when they had co-existed
peacefully for years?

“I thought she was my friend,”

Haughty Hawk reflected. “Go figure these tiny tweeters. They are always
scared.”

Haughty Hawk had also been
scared as it grew up in the noisy city, with the Two-legged predators so
nearby. But now that she was meditating and learning the Ways of the
Warrior, she had chosen to live without fear. She had learned to empty her
mind and visualize her desires, and she had grown strong and confident.

But the more confident Haughty
Hawk grew, the louder Terrified Tweetie squeaked each time Hawk came close.
She had managed to scare all the other birds, who disappeared the minute
Haughty Hawk perched in any of the Ancient Trees around.

Haughty Hawk began to feel more
than resentful. She became angry.

“Perhaps I should give her
reason to tweet,” Haughty Hawk considered, her trained eye gauging the
distance between the scared bird and her branch. In a split second, she
could have the naughty bird in her beak, and she could then meditate in
silence.

Haughty Hawk caught herself in
her fantasies of revenge and released her toxic feelings with a sigh. She
dived her Inner Eye deep into her heart. There she saw and felt the
pain that her new loneliness inflicted. She was sad that her tiny friends
would distrust her after all this time.

Haughty Hawk remembered when
she had caught them murmuring behind her back.

“She says that she is
harnessing power,” they nervously tweeted.

“What could she possibly want
to do with all that power, except eat us all?” they squeaked.

Haughty Hawk smiled sadly. She
remembered when she, too was scared of the great Eagle, the large Hunter
Hawks and the daring Crows. She had felt so small that she had not
understood her own power. She had, like her tiny friends, thought of power
only as a threat, not something she held inside for her own fulfillment.

“Oh, well, tweets will be
tweets!” Hawk finally said to herself. “And I am a Master Warrior.”

She gracefully flew to a near
lamppost and began her concentration again. She was visualizing one of the
fat rats that were coming out of the ground during the construction that the
Two-Legged were doing in the street below.

But Terrified Tweeter didn’t
get it. She still tweeted as if her feathers had caught fire. Nothing
stirred among the Ancient Trees. Nothing moved in miles around. The scared
tweet was doing a great job of scaring all possible prey.

As I looked at this scene, the
beautiful white spotted hawk flew towards a distant tree. I couldn’t get my
eyes off her majestic, silent flight. Still terrified, the small tweeter
squeaked behind my back.

As you read the fable above, were you immediately sympathetic with the small bird, seeing her as the hero and hawk as the bad guy? That is our collective tendency. We instinctively seek justice. But we cannot make true justice if we confuse power with dominance. For if we do, we will be manipulated by those who play the victim and we will repel and punish those who stand in their power. This confusion is at the heart of toxic relationships.

Power as defined by our patriarchal system, is control and dominance. But that is only an illusion of power. When we believe this illusion, we reject power. When we reject power, we align ourselves with helplessness. We make those with personal power our enemies. We repel mentors, teachers and those friends and peers who assume their power. In other words, we become toxic to those who seek freedom, joy and growth.

When we align ourselves with powerlessness, we are afraid to speak with our voice of authority. We place an interrogation mark at the end of our declarations and beat around the bush to speak our truth. We constrict our bodies and our voices. We dream tiny and stay safely perched in our Comfort Zone.

If you have courageously stepped out of that Comfort Zone, you may
unknowingly be facing peer pressure.

We tell our children not to give in to peer pressure. But many adults are clueless as to the level of peer pressure they carry on their Psychic
Shoulders
. As a result, they give in to peer pressure, betraying their
Personal Dreams and their spiritual growth.

Children and teens are more direct on their peer pressure tactics. They may result to insults or name-calling. Adults are more subtle. Friends will distance themselves. Peers will murmur behind your back. Family members will close ranks and mount a campaign to wear or break you down. Because they know you well, they know your Breaking Points. They will go for these weak areas in your psyche. This emotional and psychic attack that can undermine your motivation and your energy level.

When you feel that the people you love resist your growth or sabotage your dreams you feel sad, betrayed, resentful, revengeful, angry and lonely. If you are afraid of confrontation and used to the lies of the dysfunctional family, you may join their betrayal by excusing their behavior and going back to your learned limits of perception.

Is it a wonder, then, that many of us go back on our personal growth and give up on our dreams?

If you dream big, you are big. Once you acknowledge your personal power and reclaim your personal authority, you soon find yourself among the Majestic Swans, the Great Eagles, the Master Hunter Hawks and Daring Crows.

Those whom you left behind will tweet loudly and persistently.

“Change back! Change back!” they will squeak.

Perhaps they will not be as raucous as Terrified Tweeter. Perhaps they will give you the silent treatment or the cold shoulder.

What will you do then? What have you done?

Have you given up on your new friends? Have you given up on your new dreams? Have you drowned your desires deep inside yourself? Have you gone back to the humdrum of a life without passion?

It is important for you to recognize the peer pressure tactics of the adults around you. Find the best way to address the fears of your family and peers. If it is possible, bring them into the open. If not, give them special love and attention to ensure them that you still love them and they have nothing to fear.

You also need to recognize your sadness and allow yourself to grieve for your past life. These are growing pains. Every woman and man who has achieved something great ―whether a new discovery that changed humanity or a state of personal fulfillment― has gone through these growing pains. Use the Time Traveling Exercise at the end of this chapter to address your growing pains.

Be firm, however, in your new boundaries, dreams and lifestyle. Above all, do not allow the fear of those in your past to bring down your vibration.

Big dreams require a high vibrational level. The changes you are making in your life are changing your vibrational frequency, so that you can tolerate a higher vibration and can manifest and live in your dream.

Those who cannot tolerate the high vibrational frequency of freedom,
courage, confidence, power, joy and passion may squeak warning signals to you. They may project their own fears or limiting beliefs. They will poke your Breaking Points, exacerbating the old limited beliefs that keep you confined in your old lifestyle.

If you recognize what is happening, you can use this situation to examine your Breaking Points. The confrontation you may experience at this time can then help you to weave a strong mesh in the wounded areas of your energy field. By addressing the limited beliefs and releasing learned fears, you will be able to prevent the many energy leakages that have brought your energy frequency down. You will come out of this experience having transformed your Breaking Points into your strongest points.

On the other hand, give in to peer pressure, and you will begin to fade back into the life that you were trying to escape.

At this time it is especially important to maintain your new friends and allies. You need people who can vibrate at the higher frequency because they “lend you energy.” This means that they bring you into musical entrainment with their energy vibration, helping you generate a higher frequency and sustain it for longer periods of time.

This is an excerpt from

The Toxic Relationships Self-help Kit:

Love them, but LEAVE them



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Maria Mar is the Dream Alchemist, an inspirational poet, speaker, coach, author and spiritual teacher who helps women create the life of their dreams. Visit her at: Catch the Dream Express!

Love them, but leave them

Love them, but leave them

Releasing those who keep you trapped in the old world

Art by Maria Mar(c)2000

Art by Maria Mar(c)2000

Today I am writing about a painful subject. It is not easy to release habits. But when you realize that a friend you love, or an old client to whom you have dedicated lots of time, is keeping you spinning in old, harmful habits. What do you do?

I am talking about those moments in life when you have crossed the threshold into a new world. You left dysfunctional habits behind. You stepped into your dream. You released the thoughts and responses that were keeping you from being happy and fulfilling your potential.

You are now your dream, or closer to it than ever. In this new world, you feel the Essence of who you are. You are strong in your faith. You are nurturing your dream every day. You are sustaining your Dream Discipline, dedicating time and space to yourself and your dream. You have given yourself permission to be happy.

Many of the people who love you have understood that you changed. They have supported you in your dreams. They have been able to adapt to your new dynamics. By you changing your set of beliefs, thoughts and attitudes, your relationship with most people around you has improved greatly.

But there is this friend…

There is still this old client…

There are sometimes those who refuse to change because they are the slaves of the Dog of Habit. They allow the Dog of Habit to piss all over you and themselves. They chose not to change.

There are those who danced well with you when you did not set limits, when you caretook them in their every whim, when you kept giving when they were not receiving.

But the minute you set limits, stop caretaking and stand in your value, these people begin to escalate their old, dysfunctional behavior. This is their way of exerting control in a life that feels out of control. Your change feels to them as if they are losing control. They cannot honor your new dynamics. Basically, they do not fit in your new world.

What then?

People are not like a dress that you can take off. Love is not a habit that you can simply release, is it?

Well, sometimes it is.

We believe that friends are forever. This is not true. Love may be forever, but a friend may not. The love you have for a person, if it is true, if it has to do with their Essence, is eternal.

But what happens when that person herself does not honor her own Essence? Can you love her for the beauty of her soul when she is betraying that soul trying to control and manipulate others? When he is dishonoring that soul by being unfaithful or by being insensitive to others?

My answer is this. Love them, but leave them.

If you do not release these people in a good way, out of love, when there is still the possibility of simply moving away gently ~you may come to the point of a serious clash. Then you will have to leave in the middle of a fight or in a bitter way.

When someone you love is toxic to you, you need to release this person as an act of love for yourself and for him or her.

By toxic, I do not mean that they are finding it difficult to deal with your change. That’s normal. I don’t mean that they “make you” feel this or that way. No one “makes” you feel. That is giving your power away. If this is the case, assume the responsibility for your feelings, attitudes and responses.

What I mean by toxic is that they are not willing to respect your limits. Toxic to you are friends who repeatedly dishonor or betray you. Toxic are friends who play mind games. Toxic are people who are unwilling or unable to see how their acts affect others, how they are affecting you. Toxic people are blamers. They always have an excuse and a finger pointing somewhere else. There is no way that you can come to terms with people like that. You will be trying forever. Toxic are those who take, but do not receive. Toxic are those who take, but do not give.

Toxic people take you for granted. Their actions (and sometimes even their words) consistently reveal that they not value you. They put you down with words or actions. They make you invisible. They refuse to name the beauty and love you bring into their lives.

Toxic friends trample on your faith and speak only cynical words that take away all the magic and goodness in life.

Toxic friends may be charmers, but they cannot commit to love, to you or to their own words. These toxic friends do not know what they want. They keep asking for your help, only to drop the entire project the minute you committed your contacts or time to their support. You end up exhausted and your reputation is damaged with these toxic friends.

Toxic are people who begin a full-fledge war against your happiness, who do everything they can to bring you back to a place of suffering, so that you stay with them in their misery.

Toxic clients are those who keep asking for more and take everything, but do not RECEIVE it. Because they are not allowing the love in what you give to touch them, they do not FEEL the value of it. As a result, they always want more and nothing is enough. They do not value the gifts because in their emotional world, they have not let the gift in.

They do not trust or value your expertise. Because they do not value themselves, they distrust the value of anyone associated with them. Once they hire you, they do not value you. They will ask for others’ opinions and act on those opinions, even if these other people are not experts. They will not follow your counsel and when their actions lead them to failure, they will fail to see that it was not your counsel, but their stupidity that lead them to that end.

Toxic clients haggle about the price of your service. They pay late and come up with excuses. They do not do their work and then complain that your service is not working. They give you the materials late and procrastinate, so that you cannot fulfill your contract with them. Then they come back after the contract date is over and want you to be their time slave and keep on working for them.

It is hard to understand how saying goodbye can be an act of love. But if your love for another is betraying your love for yourself, then it will soon become poison, not love. The only loving thing to do is leave.

Most of us hold on to toxic love because we are afraid to be alone. We are afraid to be rejected. We are afraid to go out into a world full of strangers. Will we make new friends? Will they love us? So we stay in toxic relationships.

If you are facing such a relationship now, use the descriptions in this blog to evaluate it. Is this friend or client toxic? Is your love or loyalty for this person running against your loyalty and love for yourself?

If the answer is yes, love them, but leave them.

The Toxic Relationships Self-help Kit

The Toxic Relationships Self-help Kit

Yes, I know it’s easier said than done. I’m not going to lie to you that it is easy. That’s why I am creating the Toxic Relations Self-help Kit to answer all your questions. You can pre-order it by clicking here. You can also take 2 minutes and contribute your voice and experience to the kit by answering the Toxic Relations survey (and get a $5 discount if you purchase.)

I see people running away from pain all the time. Most people do. They stay in miserable jobs, abusive relationships, diminishing friendships and tiny existential rooms… all because they are afraid of the pain they will experience if they choose to change. As a consequence, they experience a long, self-destructive, hard pain that increases as time goes by and eventually becomes disease, depression and despair. Running away from pain leads you directly towards harder, longer pain. Compare to that, the pain of change is but a fraction, and then freedom follows.

You are an atom in the divine body. You are a gift to the world. You’ve worked so hard to learn, heal and build a good live. Love yourself enough to walk away from that which diminishes you.

No one deserves that you betray your soul, your happiness and your potential. No one deserves that you go back to your old world, becoming a ghost just for them. That option is not love. It is not love for them. And it is certainly not love for yourself.

Maria Mar(c)

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DO NOT copy this article. If you want to use this article for your blog or ezine, please contact Maria Mar. The duplication quota for this article online has been reached. Email Maria for a re-make.

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Maria Mar is the Dream Alchemist, an inspirational speaker, poet, coach, author and spiritual teacher who helps women create the life of their dreams. Visit her at: Catch the Dream Express!

RESOURCES:

This is a good article by Guy Finley. It shows you how to recognize 4 types of toxic people.

http://stason.org/articles/life/self-growth/Stay-Away-From-These-Four-Types-of-Toxic-People.html

For more information, visit Guy at:

http://www.guyfinley.com

The Toxic Relationship Self-help Kit: Love them, but leave them.

Is your soul screaming through your body?

Is your soul screaming through your body?

By Maria Mar ©

(artist-shaman)

If you are in this page, chances are that you were searching for an answer to some physical condition that is aching or disturbing you. You may have a strong intuition that this condition has a strong relation with emotions or stress you have been experiencing.

We are used to seeing the body as something other than the Self. Perhaps as a rental car that drives us back and forth or a cabin we inhabit. But the body is the Self. As my creative partner, Corazon Tierra, teaches, the BodySoul is the Self. The connection between body and soul runs deeper than our conscious mind can understand. Sometimes it bypasses our logical mind altogether.

While you may be exasperated by a physical manifestation that is painful or cumbersome, and you desperately want it to go away, it may actually be your ally. Here I share what I know about the wisdom and healing that may come from the experience of somatization.

As I am a shaman or soul healer, I am not talking from a medical perspective. I am sharing what I know from personal and professional experience in working with energy and emotions.

Somatization, as I define it, is the physical manifestation of emotional, spiritual and mental stress and imbalance that expresses itself in the body as disease or as a physical condition, including accidents, allergies and other conditions.

Here are a few conditions that I’ve seen or suffered. I connect each condition to the emotional, energy or spiritual source of the condition, and the lessons you may learn from it.

Though most conditions are expressions of energy and emotional patterns, once they are manifested physically, you need to treat them at a medical level. The table below is not a diagnosis tool. Seek expert medical diagnosis and follow your doctor’s advice. The information below may help you address the deeper causes to speed up recovery.

Condition Sources Lesson
Spasm Fear of moving beyond deeply rooted unconscious limits. Brings limiting beliefs embedded in the cells into the surface, to be melted away.
Twisted ankles Ambivalence, moving towards a direction that betrays your true needs and desires Makes you stay still and consider the direction your Soul wants you to take.
Fibroids, excessive bleeding Caretaking, stagnation of passion, pouring your energy into empty vessels Teaches you to save your energy and use it wisely and moves you to dance your passion for your own joy
Lumps in the throat Not speaking your truth, fear of assuming your authority, betrayal of your creative expression, refusal to sing your song. Shows you how you are betraying your personal truth, power or creativity and pushes you to express yourself, so that your beauty can shine into the world. May be guiding you to assume your power as a singer or a healer using sound.
Loss of voice, laryngitis Self-alienation, self-neglect, not knowing or telling your own story, using your voice as a mask or overworking your voice to silence your truth Teaches you to save your voice, go within, touch your truth and speak on your own behalf. May be guiding you into assuming your power as a storyteller.
Stomach aches Anxiety, ambivalence, resistance to change your lifestyle, something you can’t stomach in your life, refusal to feel and transform your emotions, fear connected to deep mental beliefs learned in childhood Moves you to deal with the emotional issues you are avoiding, to go within and get to know the stranger you call “I.” Makes you face the relationships or situations that you can’t stomach. Brings unconscious limiting beliefs to the surface to dissolve the limits that are keeping you away from your dream.
Migraines Anxiety, closing the heart chakra for fear of your heart breaking, self-abandonment that leaves no time for your soul in your life, refusal to take action on behalf of your heart or soul. Absorbing toxic emotions or refusing to release them. Teaches you to release toxic emotions and people, to achieve balance between self-love and love of others, to practice self-love, peace and relaxation every day for your own self-healing, and to take action in order to honor your soul and your feelings.

I hope that some of this helps you to understand the deeper issues involve in the conditions you are facing. For more information, I recommend Louis Hay’s books, as she is a master teacher of somatization and I have found many of her findings to be true. You will find a link to her website below.

Light and love,

Maria Mar

The Dream Alchemist

RESOURCES:

http://www.louisehay.com/

Here’s Louise Hay’s video on her Movie: You can heal your life:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYCamVx4fSQ

Official website of You can heal your life:

http://www.youcanhealyourlifemovie.com/

Assume your Personal Power with the Swan Posture

Assume your Personal Power

with the Swan Posture

By Maria Mar(c)


Do you catch yourself making yourself small, hiding your neck into your shoulders, like turtle, constricting your spine, folding your torso or hunching? This attitude leads to depression and lowers your self-esteem. It holds you back from taking action and makes you feel insufficient. It sends others the message that you do not believe in yourself. Why should them?

Whenever you realize that you are making yourself small, here is a Power Posture that will release your stature immediately, uplifting you and moving the energies that may have stagnated in your body. It will shift you from Ugly Duckling into the majestic swan you are.

My drawing below illustrates what happens to your spine and how you create back pain and disease as a result of your “Ugly Duckling” posture. Feeling small leads to standing small, which makes you small.

The Swan Posture works from the inside out and the outside in, to restore your magnificence stature. Be a Goddess!

The Swan Posture


  1. Stand with legs apart and plant your feet firmly on the floor. Keep your knees lightly flex and your feet positioned parallel to your hips.

  2. Feel your roots connecting to the roots of the Ancient Trees.

  3. Breathe slowly and deeply for three cycles: Inhalation, In-pause, Exhalation, Out-pause.

    That’s one cycle. Inhale as fully as possible, allowing your whole torso to fill with air, from your crutch to your chest. Exhale as slowly as possible.

  4. Focus your attention on your spine. Release your spine as you exhale slowly. Feel your tail being released, so that there is no contraction in your pelvis. The excessive curvature in your lower back at the beginning of the buttocks should be released and lower back pain or tension should be alleviated.

  5. Now do the same with the back of your neck. Raise the crown of your head towards the sky and stretch the back of your neck. Your chin should adjust, being parallel to the floor. When you raise your chin up, as in false pride, you actually crunch the vertebrae of your neck. Make sure you release from the back.

  6. Now raise your sternum to the sky, offering your heart in celebration of the Goddess within you. Watch out that you don’t curve the back again! You are raising the sternum to the point that you feel your torso free and light, and your chest feels proud. But not past the point that you begin getting a curvature in your lower back.

  7. Breathe deeply and bring both your arms up as if you were taking flight. Feel your majesty. Feel your power. Feel the breadth of your love.

  8. Bring your arms down gracefully, as the Queen you are.

  9. Feel yourself connected to all the elements: air, water, fire and earth. Feel how you have the power to communicate with these elements inside you and in your nature. Feel your power!

That’s it. Practice the Swan Posture until you can do it automatically in 3 minutes.

Let me know how it goes. Take a bit of time to leave me a comment about his entry, will you? It makes me feel SOOO good!

Light and love,

Maria Mar

The Dream Alchemist

http://www.catchthedreamexpress.com

For Spanish-language tips in not making yourself small, visit Corazon Tierra’s blog at: www.cuerpoadentro.wordpress.com