permission to-deserve-what-you-want

Give yourself the Seven Basic Permissions to Succeed

 

This is a series of articles dedicated to helping women give ourselves the 7 Basic Permissions to succeed. Scroll down to subscribe to entire series in an Ebook Series that will be sent to your email, one ebook a month, for easy digestion.

Note: This post is an update from the previous post by the same name. I tried to include the first article here, but it was too long and the continuation links got broken. Sorry about that. I’ve taken care of this by updating the article to a shorter version and providing the ebook series for those who can benefit from more detail. Thanks for your patience, and enjoy the article below, which has some new insights.

 

ARTICLE 1:

Give yourself the Permission to DESERVE what you want

 

First permission to succeed: Permission to deserve what you want

First permission to succeed: Permission to deserve what you want

 

I’m talking on the phone with a great international artist. I congratulate her on the success of her current exhibition. Suddenly I hear a shocking confession.

“Yes, I know. It’s been well received. But you know what? I really do not FEEL like a success.”

As a soul healer and shaman, I am a psychic huntress. I track down patterns of energy not only in individuals, but in groups. For months now I’ve been on the scent of a mortal enemy of women’s success and wellbeing.

This enemy brings a scent of despair and diminishes a woman’s intrinsic value. It minimizes her contributions. It transforms a woman’s self- perception from success to insufficiency.

The Question

I’m chatting with a friend in a café. This is a woman who I admire, love and respect. She is a cultural leader, an exquisite poet and a college professor. She acknowledges that she is not working in the way she wants, not living her potential to its fullest. The obstacles seem insurmountable and she feels trapped.

I went home and hunted down the unasked question in the conversation.

“Why is it so hard for me to do what I want to do?”

The Answer

The long history of denial that women have experienced collectively is embedded in the individual energy patterns of each woman.  The problem is not that we consciously rate ourselves as a failure. Most of the women I interviewed knew the objective value of their achievements.

Women not give themselves emotional permission to succeed. The denial to succeed is subconscious, emotional and implicit. This denial works as a hidden interference to our conscious intent to create a fulfilling life.

The Underbelly of Success

The stories that we tell ourselves are rarely the real story. When we tell ourselves the reasons why we can’t do what we want to do, we focus on external circumstances, usually having to do with how giving to others take precedence over our own desires. But that is a lie we’ve been told and we keep telling ourselves.

If we look at the underbelly of success, however, it is rarely about circumstances and much more about permissions. It is about giving ourselves the emotional and spiritual permissions to be, have, create and enjoy what we desire.

Women need to restore the energy gateways for these permissions. They are not built-in, as is usually the case in most men, who have been socialized for centuries in the belief that they are made to achieve things in the world.

Many of us unwittingly fall into the role of victim, in spite of being powerful women, often leaders and high achievers. We do this by pitting our right to succeed against the wellbeing of our loved ones. Guilt is the glue that keeps us stuck, though we rarely recognize its scent in our self-sacrifice.

Why does an accomplished writer, artist, expert or leader who has taught, guided, helped and empowered hundreds of people feel unsuccessful? Because she is serving others in ways that do not fulfill her Soul’s needs. Success needs to be measured by the degree of fulfillment of your Soul, not by social criteria seen from outside the Self. I call this Success with Soul.

Many spiritual paths tell you that you are here to serve others, not for yourself. I disagree. We came here for our own evolution. That is not in opposition to love or service. We are one. You are a mirror to me and part of me. When you honor your essence, you give me permission to honor mine. The war between self and others is part of the selflessness myth that has limited women for centuries.

But there is something else.

For centuries we have sustained community, nourished families and transformed societies without as much as a thank you. We have gotten used to trying harder and giving more. We are seeking perfection as the gateway to give ourselves permission to succeed.

If we have achieved mastery of our creativity, but are not yet prosperous, we feel that we have failed.  If we have achieved prosperity, but do not have a love partner, we again feel that we are not that much of a success. We throw away the baby with the basinet, so to speak.

Why is it so hard to give yourself what you want?

1.       Because you believe that if you are happy, someone will suffer. For centuries, you’ve been sold in the definition of love as self-sacrifice.

2.       Because your relationship, empathic and nurturing gifts have been historically pitted against you. The training you’ve received on how to be a mother, friend, daughter or caregiver is to give by cutting off pieces of yourself. But you cannot subtract from what you don’t have.

3.       Because you believe that you are not good enough to have what you want. You believe that if you take care of others first, then and only then will you deserve the right to have what you want.

Here’s a solution you can try at home to create new gateways to give yourself permission to succeed.

Make a list of seven things that make you happy or that your body and soul need right now. These things need to be small enough that they are doable now, but challenging enough that you have not given yourself these things in a long time. For the next seven weeks, give yourself one of these things once a week.

Examples:

  • Take a day off and go to a SPA to get a massage.
  • Give yourself a warm food bath with salts before going to bed.
  • Spend a week-end in a retreat to rest and relax.
  • Take a creative workshop to learn or improve one of your talents.
  • Write a poem or create a song expressing your Unique Essence.
  • Dance under the moon.

Offer your happiness as a gift to the world.

—-The End—-

Copyright Maria Mar©2010.

 

RESOURCES: FREE!
Give yourself the 7 Basic Permissions to Succeed

Ebook Series

I have compiled the Seven Basic Permissions to Succeed in a series of free ebooks. To immediately enjoy the first ebook and be notified of the other six ebooks in the series, which will come out once a month, subscribe here.

 

“I want to Flourish!”

Online Fiesta

Enjoy free videos, gifts and prizes in the “I Want to Flourish” Online Fiesta, helping you to release the hidden interference to your success. Click here.

 

I want to flourish fiesta offers you free videos, gifts and prizes to help you get unstuck and flourish.

The Success Seed

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  • Connect to your higher self.
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  • Discover your Personal Strengths.
  • Unbury your Karmic Gifts.
  • Learn how the wounds you’ve inherited can become your Secret Tools for Mastery
  • Obtain the seven spiritual measures of success.

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Authors Bio:

Maria Mar is an author, poet, healer and spiritual teacher whose life mission is to inspire you to achieve personal freedom, unlock your creative potential and live a life of magic and delight. A PBS-featured performer and visual artist, Maria has freed her vast creative potential and helps you do the same, designing a life and work experience that fulfills your soul’s purpose. Maria marries her artistry and imagination with her wisdom and energy tools as a shaman to offer powerful tools for self-transformation, healing and manifestation. If you are interested in mentoring with Maria Mar, visit http://www.dreamalchemist.com.

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Share your Sweet Spot!

Oh, lala! My Sweet Spot!

I participate in a journal writing membership at http://journal.journalengine.com. Some time ago the facilitator, Marc Manieri, asked us to identify our Sweet Spots.

As I remember, Marc defines our Sweet Spots as those organic strong places within us, those things we love and give us joy, those things we would do whether they paid us or not. I found the practice of recognizing my Sweet Spots as a great self-love and self-esteem booster, so I recommend you try it!

I want to share my Sweet Spots with you today.

I am an inspirer. Inspiration is my Sweet Spot.

Sometimes inspiration is poetry. Written poetry. I become a mermaid and dive into the depth of existence to bring back to the surface the treasures of life.

I have one book of poetry that I am preparing in English. It is called The Tao of Trees. This is about the poems and teachings given to me by the trees. When I was sick some years ago, the trees healed me and they gave me these beautiful meditations in poetry about life. I am preparing that book with the audio and the illustrations capturing the energy presence of the trees. WOW! That’s a beautiful journey.

I also have several other unpublished books of poetry. One of them is my next book in Spanish. It is entitled El Duende en los Ojos. “El Duende” is the spirit of Flamenco, the Spirit of art as Lorca, the great poet, described it. El Duende is cousin of The Muses, if you get what I mean.

The poems in this collection I am creating awaken the spirit of life for people to romance their lives. Don’t you see why I simply loooove this?

There is the spoken poetry in literary readings. I also love to inspire via audio. I like to create audio experiences to heal, inspire and help you transform your life easily, deeply and gracefully. Check out my audios at:

http://www.catchthedreamexpress.com/audios.htm

Then there is the Dance-poetry performances. Here I become fire, warm and dancing, to speak the language of passion.

I combine dance, performance, theatre and sometimes visual arts to embody a revelation, story or poem. I loooove doing this. In the rehearsals, I grow, heal and evolve deeply. In the performances, people go into deep healing and transformation. These are ceremonies in the tradition of the old shamans who danced and drummed, but within contemporary life. Powerful stuff!

Check my current performance, called LifeBites, because I take daily problems that people are having and create a performance to present the problem and then move people towards the solution.

http://www.catchthedreamexpress.com/lifebites.htm

Then there is the Ceremonial Poetry. I love to do ceremonial poems! They engage people into journeying through the poem as a ceremony or rites of passage. They are fantastic! I do them for opening ceremonies, speaking engagements and even in literary readings. See my current Ceremonial Poetry.

http://www.catchthedreamexpress.com/speaker-mariamar-poetry-dreamsarenevertiny.htm

Sometimes inspiration is a thought, an insight. Here I meditate and empty my mind. I become air.

I offer daily inspiration in my Facebook profile. If you are in Facebook, befriend me at:

http://www.facebook.com/DreamAlchemist

Then you will be regaled with my daily tips, inspiration, practices, meditations and more.

I also post daily inspiration and tips in this blog:

http://www.dreamalchemist.wordpress.com

I also go off the radar when I am doing visual art. I become light and color.

I simply merge with Oneness and go swimming in the pool of delight. Want to see one of my art pieces?

See my collection of original art digital posters here:

http://www.catchthedreamexpress.com/screensaver_art.htm

Now I’m hooked in inspiring through video presentations. My upcoming video blog will feature many of them! If you want to receive the video blog via email, subscribe here:

http://feedburner.google.com/fb/a/mailverify?uri=UnstuckYourself&loc=en_US

Finally, I go deep down into the depth of earth and the human soul when I write prose, whether it is fiction or non-fiction.

I write in my blog every week. Read some of it here:

http://www.dreamexpress.wordpress.com

So what is left?

I love to do ceremony. Spiritual ceremony, with music (like drumming, Yeepeee!), crystals, dancing, chanting, and I go off and my mind becomes the sky and I am healed, expanded, transcended. I fly.

And then, there is spiritual teaching.

When I am with someone guiding them, supporting them, I become a clear channel for Divine energy, and it flows through me, and I can see and touch beyond my limits. Doing this I grow and deepen my being and connect to many dimensions beyond the solid. It is the experience of greatness.

I am right now opening a one-year mentorship to place all my “Sweet Spots” at the service of 10 women. These women will have me as their “Break-free Mama” helping them every day to break free from past limitations, release hidden interferences, free their Unique Essence, live creatively and unleash their greatness. I will help them address their current problems and design a life and/or work experience that creates their dream right here, right now. Interested? Check it out at:

http://www.dreamalchemist.com

I can truly say that I have so many sweet spots that I am like a great 85% cocoa organic chocolate bar! (I have a  friend who says that good chocolate is not really that sweet. But no matter, it’s heavenly!)

Thanks for asking this question, Marc. It brought me great delight. I now I ask you, beautiful readers, what is YOUR Sweet Spot? Leave your comments below.

Light and love,
Maria Mar
The Dream Alchemist
http://www.dreamalchemist.com

RESOURCES

If you’d like to join Marc’s free journal writing course, go to:

http://journal.journalengine.com.

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About Maria Mar

Maria Mar is an author, speaker and ceremonialist poet. She is also a spiritual teacher and an internationally known shaman who helps you to break through the hidden interference to your success, to unleash your Greatness and manifest the life of your dreams. She offers books, digital products and coaching, art that heals and transforms as well as performances, speaking engagements and other live and online events to help you become the protagonist of your life and the creator of your destiny. Find out more at Catch the Dream Express.

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—-THE END—-

Relationships and Prosperity

Relationships and Prosperity

By Maria Mar(c)

Prosperity is deeply connected to relationships.

Prosperity is deeply connected to relationships.

Prosperity is deeply connected to relationships because wealth is created as the result of an exchange between people.

What did you learn to expect from strangers? Do you expect others to value you, to remunerate you justly and joyfully, and to trust you?

Or did you learn to expect betrayal, to be cheated or undervalued? Do you expect others to receive you or to reject you?

Carefully examine your expectations about relationships, and you will find the core of your issues with prosperity.

Shifting Beliefs

Here’s a journal writing exercise to help you. Print it and paste the copy in your journal, for easy following.

STEP 1: PREPARATION
Begin with sitting comfortably, your journal and pen in front of you. Breathe deeply and slowly, allowing the air to travel deep into your trunk, all the way down to your lower belly, and exhale as slowly as possible. Do this five times, each time releasing stress from your shoulders, back and face.

STEP 2: INTENTION
Say these words inwardly in your last inhalation, paying attention to each one. Then say them out loud in exhalation, again listening to the sound attentively.

“I welcome the truth of my emotions as guides to my freedom and prosperity. I intend to create new, free ways of connecting to others in the streams of affluence of life.”

STEP 3: EXPECTATIONS
Keep breathing slowly and deeply, allowing the breath to connect you to your body and feelings, as you answer the questions below.

“What do I expect from people, especially those who don’t know me?”

Make a list of a minimum of two and a maximum of five items. Keep the answers short and to the point. Leave ten spaces between each item.

EXAMPLES:

  • I expect people to judge me.
  • I expect people to see my flaws and find me deficient.
  • I expect potential clients to find my prices too high.
  • I expect people in network events not to be interested in me and to forget me.

STEP 4: BELIEFS

Come back to each item.  In breath, ask the second question.

“What belief creates this expectation?”

Write the answer below each item. Again, try to define the belief as simply and exactly as possible.

EXAMPLES:

  • Expectation: I expect people to judge me.
  • Belief: I am guilty of something bad and people will find me out.
  • Expectation: I expect people to see my flaws and find me deficient.
  • Belief: I am not good enough to be loved.
  • Expectation: I expect potential clients to find my prices too high.
  • Belief: People do not appreciate my true value.
  • Expectation:I expect people in network events not to be interested in me and to forget me.
  • Belief: I am not that special.

STEP 5: INHERITANCE

Breathing deeply and slowly, go back to each item and track down from whom and how did you learn this. It may be a family belief that has been passed on through generations verbally or non-verbally. It may be a class, race or cultural belief. It may also be a conclusion you made as a child observing your circumstances. Define the source of each expectation/belief without either blaming or excusing those involved, including you. Skip a line, and place your discovery on the third line below each item, like this:

  • Expectation:I expect people in network events not to be interested in me and to forget me.
  • Belief: I am not that special.
  • Source: My mom always said “Who do you think you are? You are not that special?” She meant to say that I was not above others, but there was also a hidden message that I did not deserve better than others. In my Inner Child’s heart, this voice resonates as “You are not that special.”

STEP 6: ACTIONS

Go back again to each item and recall one habitual action that you do in relationships that responds directly to this belief. Remember to breathe deeply and slowly and honor your emotions. Write the action in the fourth line under the item.

  • Expectation:I expect people in network events not to be interested in me and to forget me.
  • Belief: I am not that special.
  • Source: My mom always said “Who do you think you are? You are not that special?” She meant to say that I was not above others, but there was also a hidden message that I did not deserve better than others. In my Inner Child’s heart, this voice resonates as “You are not that special.”
  • Action: I forget to bring my business cards and I am always apologizing for not having them, that way I have an excuse for why they won’t call me.

STEP 7: FREE CHOICE

Examine the belief and decide whether you are ready and willing to release it.

Once you make the choice, close your eyes. Shift your perception of yourself to your Sacred Self, who is larger than your physical or ego self, and who is one with God.  See that small self with compassion and love. Allow a smile to come from within, as you realize the childlike mistake of these beliefs. From that place, inhale forgiveness and exhale release. Do these three times.

  • Inhale as you wrap yourself in forgiveness.
  • Exhale as you release the old beliefs.

STEP 8: NEW BELIEFS

write down a new belief to substitute each old belief. Skip a line. Write in caps the title “NEW BELIEF” and then write the new belief

It is a fact that there is no other human being like me. My fingerprints are unique. My DNA is unique. My personal history is unique and I am a unique, special and wonderful expression of divinity.

STEP 9: CONSCIOUS LIVING

During the next 30 days, observe yourself in relationships. Catch yourself doing the old actions and methodically shift to the new actions that reflect and nurture your new beliefs.

Remember that these beliefs were implanted in you very early on, when you did not have the experience or ability to discern. They have been embedded through years of practice. Be compassionate with yourself when you respond from the old beliefs, and kindly, but firmly repeat your new belief to yourself and keep choosing the new actions.

Celebrate when you respond from your new beliefs. Your subconscious is like a child. It responds to positive feedback. Focus on the times you do it right and never judge or belittle yourself when you respond from the old beliefs.

Your evolution is not a project. It is process. Patience with yourself nurtures your self-love.

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Maria Mar(c)

You can use this quote in ezines, web pages and other online media as long as you include my name and copyright mark and the paragraph below, with functional link:

Maria Mar is the Dream Alchemist, an inspirational speaker, ceremonialist poet, coach, author and spiritual teacher who helps women create the life of their dreams. Visit her at: Catch the Dream Express!

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