permission to-deserve-what-you-want

Give yourself the Seven Basic Permissions to Succeed

 

This is a series of articles dedicated to helping women give ourselves the 7 Basic Permissions to succeed. Scroll down to subscribe to entire series in an Ebook Series that will be sent to your email, one ebook a month, for easy digestion.

Note: This post is an update from the previous post by the same name. I tried to include the first article here, but it was too long and the continuation links got broken. Sorry about that. I’ve taken care of this by updating the article to a shorter version and providing the ebook series for those who can benefit from more detail. Thanks for your patience, and enjoy the article below, which has some new insights.

 

ARTICLE 1:

Give yourself the Permission to DESERVE what you want

 

First permission to succeed: Permission to deserve what you want

First permission to succeed: Permission to deserve what you want

 

I’m talking on the phone with a great international artist. I congratulate her on the success of her current exhibition. Suddenly I hear a shocking confession.

“Yes, I know. It’s been well received. But you know what? I really do not FEEL like a success.”

As a soul healer and shaman, I am a psychic huntress. I track down patterns of energy not only in individuals, but in groups. For months now I’ve been on the scent of a mortal enemy of women’s success and wellbeing.

This enemy brings a scent of despair and diminishes a woman’s intrinsic value. It minimizes her contributions. It transforms a woman’s self- perception from success to insufficiency.

The Question

I’m chatting with a friend in a café. This is a woman who I admire, love and respect. She is a cultural leader, an exquisite poet and a college professor. She acknowledges that she is not working in the way she wants, not living her potential to its fullest. The obstacles seem insurmountable and she feels trapped.

I went home and hunted down the unasked question in the conversation.

“Why is it so hard for me to do what I want to do?”

The Answer

The long history of denial that women have experienced collectively is embedded in the individual energy patterns of each woman.  The problem is not that we consciously rate ourselves as a failure. Most of the women I interviewed knew the objective value of their achievements.

Women not give themselves emotional permission to succeed. The denial to succeed is subconscious, emotional and implicit. This denial works as a hidden interference to our conscious intent to create a fulfilling life.

The Underbelly of Success

The stories that we tell ourselves are rarely the real story. When we tell ourselves the reasons why we can’t do what we want to do, we focus on external circumstances, usually having to do with how giving to others take precedence over our own desires. But that is a lie we’ve been told and we keep telling ourselves.

If we look at the underbelly of success, however, it is rarely about circumstances and much more about permissions. It is about giving ourselves the emotional and spiritual permissions to be, have, create and enjoy what we desire.

Women need to restore the energy gateways for these permissions. They are not built-in, as is usually the case in most men, who have been socialized for centuries in the belief that they are made to achieve things in the world.

Many of us unwittingly fall into the role of victim, in spite of being powerful women, often leaders and high achievers. We do this by pitting our right to succeed against the wellbeing of our loved ones. Guilt is the glue that keeps us stuck, though we rarely recognize its scent in our self-sacrifice.

Why does an accomplished writer, artist, expert or leader who has taught, guided, helped and empowered hundreds of people feel unsuccessful? Because she is serving others in ways that do not fulfill her Soul’s needs. Success needs to be measured by the degree of fulfillment of your Soul, not by social criteria seen from outside the Self. I call this Success with Soul.

Many spiritual paths tell you that you are here to serve others, not for yourself. I disagree. We came here for our own evolution. That is not in opposition to love or service. We are one. You are a mirror to me and part of me. When you honor your essence, you give me permission to honor mine. The war between self and others is part of the selflessness myth that has limited women for centuries.

But there is something else.

For centuries we have sustained community, nourished families and transformed societies without as much as a thank you. We have gotten used to trying harder and giving more. We are seeking perfection as the gateway to give ourselves permission to succeed.

If we have achieved mastery of our creativity, but are not yet prosperous, we feel that we have failed.  If we have achieved prosperity, but do not have a love partner, we again feel that we are not that much of a success. We throw away the baby with the basinet, so to speak.

Why is it so hard to give yourself what you want?

1.       Because you believe that if you are happy, someone will suffer. For centuries, you’ve been sold in the definition of love as self-sacrifice.

2.       Because your relationship, empathic and nurturing gifts have been historically pitted against you. The training you’ve received on how to be a mother, friend, daughter or caregiver is to give by cutting off pieces of yourself. But you cannot subtract from what you don’t have.

3.       Because you believe that you are not good enough to have what you want. You believe that if you take care of others first, then and only then will you deserve the right to have what you want.

Here’s a solution you can try at home to create new gateways to give yourself permission to succeed.

Make a list of seven things that make you happy or that your body and soul need right now. These things need to be small enough that they are doable now, but challenging enough that you have not given yourself these things in a long time. For the next seven weeks, give yourself one of these things once a week.

Examples:

  • Take a day off and go to a SPA to get a massage.
  • Give yourself a warm food bath with salts before going to bed.
  • Spend a week-end in a retreat to rest and relax.
  • Take a creative workshop to learn or improve one of your talents.
  • Write a poem or create a song expressing your Unique Essence.
  • Dance under the moon.

Offer your happiness as a gift to the world.

—-The End—-

Copyright Maria Mar©2010.

 

RESOURCES: FREE!
Give yourself the 7 Basic Permissions to Succeed

Ebook Series

I have compiled the Seven Basic Permissions to Succeed in a series of free ebooks. To immediately enjoy the first ebook and be notified of the other six ebooks in the series, which will come out once a month, subscribe here.

 

“I want to Flourish!”

Online Fiesta

Enjoy free videos, gifts and prizes in the “I Want to Flourish” Online Fiesta, helping you to release the hidden interference to your success. Click here.

 

I want to flourish fiesta offers you free videos, gifts and prizes to help you get unstuck and flourish.

The Success Seed

Success-Gardening Kit

Transform your daily experience of success with this profound journey that helps you redefine success in every atom of your body.

  • Connect to your higher self.
  • Align with your infinite potential.
  • Remember your life purpose.
  • Recall your Unique Essence.
  • Discover your Personal Strengths.
  • Unbury your Karmic Gifts.
  • Learn how the wounds you’ve inherited can become your Secret Tools for Mastery
  • Obtain the seven spiritual measures of success.

Three audio meditations that take you in a shamanic journey of deep transformation and healing, plus ebook with daily practices and meditations and a bonus ebook series, Give yourself the Seven Basic Permissions to Succeed. READ MORE.

 

First audio free!

Limited time offer

The Success Seed Gardening Kit is a profound journey that awakens you to the success you already are.

 

 

Authors Bio:

Maria Mar is an author, poet, healer and spiritual teacher whose life mission is to inspire you to achieve personal freedom, unlock your creative potential and live a life of magic and delight. A PBS-featured performer and visual artist, Maria has freed her vast creative potential and helps you do the same, designing a life and work experience that fulfills your soul’s purpose. Maria marries her artistry and imagination with her wisdom and energy tools as a shaman to offer powerful tools for self-transformation, healing and manifestation. If you are interested in mentoring with Maria Mar, visit http://www.dreamalchemist.com.

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Success is an inside job

Success is an inside job

Introduction to the Hidden Interference

that Sabotages your Success

By Maria Mar©2010

Art by Maria Mar(c)2010.

Are you a success? How do you measure this? We often measure success by external results. This is a mistake because if you have yet to see those results, you will feel a failure! Success is built from the inside out, so that it is always there, no matter what is happening around you, because YOU are the success!

How can you be a success if your dream or goal is yet to manifest? If you want a soulmate, but are single; if you want prosperity, but are broke; if you want visibility, but few people know you, how can you see yourself as a success?

The answer to that question is simple, but if I answer it right now, you won’t believe the reply. If you are feeling frustrated or lacking, this powerful, yet simple truth will sound hollow. You will simply let it slide because it will be difficult to grasp its power from your current state of mind. There is a journey you need to take in order to understand the nature of success. It is a quest. As all quests, it is fundamentally an Inward Journey.

In this post I am going to open the door to that Inward Journey. If you like what you see and feel as you read, you are welcome to walk through that open door. There is a link at the end of this article that leads you to that threshold.

The Power of Perception

Shamans have known for millennia that perception creates the world. Today, quantum scientists are finally catching up with this universal Law of Manifestation. But most people, trained at home and school, are still being taught the following:

  • Reality is an objective, unchanging phenomena.
  • You cannot change the situations you find yourself in because they are objective phenomena that have already been created and cannot be changed.
  • What happens externally (objective) has no relation to what happens internally (subjective).
  • You are born into a set of unchanging circumstances and you meet more circumstances in your life, all of them created by others, sometimes long ago, and you have no power to change these circumstances because you have no inherence in how they were created.
  • The only way to change your circumstance is through hard work over a long period of time, using will power and external actions in the world.
  • Your thoughts have nothing to do with what happens to you.
  • Your emotions are irrelevant. The best thing to do is repress them, as they can get you into trouble because they are irrational and often bad for you.
  • Desire, ambition, wanting and longing are bad for the spirit because they belong to the ego, to the material world.
  • BUT socially speaking, it is good to be ambitious and want a better life.
  • If you want change, you have to “make it happen” by taking actions that change your reality. (But wait! Wasn’t reality an objective, unchanging phenomena?)

When you look at these series of beliefs, you may immediately see that some are false, others outdated, some conflicting and all of them are disempowering. You may consciously disagree with them.

The question is what does your subconscious belief?

For many of us most of the time, our subconscious is carrying this false idea of reality in our programmed automatic reactions, fear-based emotions, negative expectations and learned false beliefs. These beliefs are instantly transmitted to our autonomic nervous system and comprised more than 95% of our responses to the world.

What does that mean to you?

It means that when you see an obstacle in your path to your dreams or goals, you will perceive it as an external, objective obstacle standing on your way; an obstacle that was placed by known or unknown forces outside of your own intention and therefore cannot be changed with your intent, thought, emotions or any other power within you. (Remember that in our old learned belief systems, there is no relation between the inner or subjective and the outer or objective reality.)

If you’ve learned to see the world as something external that “happens” to you, then it is likely that your autonomic reaction may be a flight or fight response from your sympathetic nervous system. You’ll push, huff and puff until you are exhausted. If the obstacle does not budge, you give up in defeat. Does that sound familiar?

Consider a third option. What would happen if you release this learned belief for a moment? I am referring to the learned, outdated belief that your external reality is an objective phenomena outside your inner realm of possibilities.

Consider, just as an experiment, that the obstacle in your path is BOTH:

  • An external, objective obstacle created by external forces

AND

  • A reflection of a hidden inner obstacle in your inner life that attracts or projects itself as an external barrier, with the conscious intent by Universal Divine Intelligence to bring it into your conscious view, to assist you in transforming it.

Does that change your attitude and feelings about the obstacles you are facing in your path to success? Good!

With that Window of Perception opened, let me share with you what I have found about the hidden interferences that sabotage our success.

How I discovered hidden interferences

Would you believe that the woman who created the branding, design and product covers in our websites and blogs, who has created many of the art work for our visual meditations and greetings, including the art work in this post, spent more than 20 years of her life telling herself that she was no good at visual art? I know this to be a fact. You see, I am that woman.

If in one year I began to draw, design, illustrate and create 3-D art, and within five years I became a professional visual artist, what stopped me from doing this before, in the more than 20 years I ran after artists to create my designs and stage sets because I was convinced I could not do them?

What I believed to be an “objective” limitation, a circumstance that defined my life, was nothing but an internal limitation, a learned belief that I carried in my subconscious mind. This is how hidden interference limits our talents, steal our dreams and lead us into a life and work design that betrays our true nature.

The root of all obstacles is within you, as is the power to create your world

I did not know then what I know now: your desires are the expression of your buried talents. When you long with all your Soul to do something, it is because it is IN you, no matter what others say. It is a power and talent pulsating inside you, something that you MUST do because your Soul needs to fulfill this path. This longing is your Soul’s purpose stirring inside you. Nothing can stop this force. Not “what they say.” Not lack of skills or resources. Not any obstacle on your way. Nothing. The only one stopping your power is YOU!

Inside you there is a great leader, a wise expert and gorgeous diva. She is waiting for you to remove the limited beliefs and secret mantras that run through your mind, hiding her from your own view. You can feel her pulsating in your heart. That’s why you feel a spiritual restlessness that pushes you to change.

You try to free this awesome force within you, but the hidden interference you subconsciously carry shuts down the pathways of your mind. When this happens…

  • You hold back.
  • You conform, betraying your Unique Essence or cutting-off some part of yourself to fit others’ formulas or expectations.
  • Doubt makes you stumble instead of leap.
  • Instead of moving forward, you dive back in, trying to “fix” it, to “improve” yourself, succumbing to your perfectionist and missing the opportunity.
  • You sacrifice your dream, stealing from yourself to give to others, whether it is time, attention, energy or your personal truth that you steal.
  • Your fear-based emotions escalate and you fall back into your Comfort Zone.
  • You hit a wall and go around in circles.

I can help you break free

from the pull that holds you back.

Click here to go to the

VIRTUAL TOUR

Are you ready for my personal mentorship to design the life/work of your dreams? Click to read more.

I can help you break freefrom the limitations you suffer.

They are illusions projected by your ego mind.

Burst those bubbles and see your life change!

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About Maria Mar

Maria Mar is an author, speaker and ceremonialist poet. She is also a spiritual teacher and an internationally known shaman who helps you to break through the hidden interference to your success, to unleash your Greatness and manifest the life of your dreams. She offers books, digital products and coaching, art that heals and transforms as well as performances, speaking engagements and other live and online events to help you become the protagonist of your life and the creator of your destiny. Find out more at Catch the Dream Express. Read more about mentoring personally with Maria Mar at http://www.dreamalchemist.com

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How do you release limiting beliefs?


LifeBytes

Chunks of life at byte size. Easier to digest!

By the Dream Alchemist

LifeBytes are the cyber-version of  LifeBites On Stage.

QUESTION

How did you
release your limiting self beliefs?

Dalla

ANSWER

“Power is hard work.”

Those were thewords of my spiritual guides when they invited me into the Path of Freedom. This path lead to freedom from hundreds of past limiting beliefs. It freed my vast creative potential so that I AM my dream. By me walking this path, I am able to break things down for you, making it easier and faster. Here’s the short version.

Limiting beliefs are lies that at one point were sold to you (or you bought) as true.

They get solidify into a Reality Map. A Reality Map is a mental construct in your mind that is “fenced-in.” Anything fenced-in dislodges its opposite or its alternative. For example, if you create a Reality Map labeled “people are not to be trusted,” then you fence it in or embed it into your mind. It will automatically fence out or exclude the belief “I can find a trusting friend.” There are 16 building blocks that act to solidify or embed limiting beliefs in your mind. Using them in reverse can break these limiting beliefs.

See Expanded Lesson

Building Blocks

Limiting Beliefs or Reality Maps are solidify or embedded by the following forces or behavior:

  1. Childhood Trauma or Emotional Trauma

  2. Domestication Trance (consensus
    training during childhood)

  3. Environmental or Social reinforcement

  4. Absence of referential alternatives

  5. Fear or survival emotions

  6. Blame, guilt or toxic shame

  7. Attachment or identification

  8. Repetition

  9. Attention

  10. Renewal

  11. Emotional fuel

  12. Choices

  13. Denial

  14. Avoidance

  15. Rewards

  16. Love/hate connection

You can use these same building blocks to break down your limiting beliefs. But first, you need to find out the original belief. You cannot change what you do not see or accept. Once you do your tracking down and find out what is the source of your belief and how it was formed, you can then dissolve it.

Understand that limiting beliefs are created via intensity (in the case of a one-time trauma) or repetition and reinforcement. Don’t expect them to be dissolved overnight. You need the same repetition and reinforcement to break them down.

Some building blocks need to be reversed in order to break down a belief. For example, the building blocks of Attention, Denial and Attachment would become Release, Acceptance and Detachment. These attitudes would dislodge the embedded belief and eventually dissolve it.

You also need to reverse the building block Absence of Referential Alternatives. This is important because if you just keep hammering on the limiting belief, even if it’s to break it down, you are still enforcing it by giving it attention. Therefore, you need to reach out into the alternatives that have been fenced out or excluded in your mind and life by the false beliefs. You need to seek, discover, explore and embrace alternatives that are congruent with your desires and free choice. Then you
can solidify these alternatives using the 16 building blocks.

So now you know. Power is hard work, but it works! It’s worth every drop of sweat, every minute and every penny you invest in it. Why? Because it frees up your power to break free from the past and create the life you want .

Light and love

Maria Mar

The Dream Alchemist


http://www.catchthedreamexpress.com

Resources:

Tool:

Break Free from what Holds you Back

This package contains the guided experience and tools you need to break from limiting beliefs.

Women’s History Month Special!

Event:

Break Free from what Holds you Back

This event reveals more information about how limiting beliefs are created, about the fences in your mind and how to break them down.


Organizations, corporations or venues interested in my LifeBites ON
Stage, click below for more information.


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About Maria Mar

Maria Mar is an author, speaker and ceremonialist poet. She is also a spiritual teacher and an internationally known shaman who inspires women to manifest the life of their dreams. She offers books, digital products and coaching, art that heals and transforms as well as performances, speaking engagements and other live and online events to help you become the protagonist of your life and the creator of your destiny. Find out more at Catch
the Dream Express.

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Walk out of your Family Karma and Step into your Dream

Walk out of your Family Karma

and Step into your Dream

Maria Mar

Love is the air under our wings.

It uplifts us. It frees us. It supports us.

It makes it safe to explore and fly.

It nests us when we return.


Part 1


What is your Inheritance?


When love is unconditional, it is the greatest ally to our dreams. It gives us the power to move mountains.

Unfortunately, for many of us born to fly, love seems to be the chain around our talon and the weight crushing our wings. Many of us hold back from our true potential for fear of being rejected by those we love. Even more of us are held back from our dreams by the false beliefs and negative patterns secretly inherited
from those we love.


Love vs. Fear

Love moves the world, but only when it is unconditional. Unfortunately, few of us practice unconditional love. There is secret war going on in many families right now. It is a war between freedom and love. To fly, love needs freedom. Fear, however creates a sickness that attaches to love, making it possessive and limiting. In the name of love and home, we try to control the destiny of our children, to twist and bend their natures and desires so that they fit our inherited worldview. In the name of love, we demand that our beloved sacrifice her or his dream ―even his or her very nature― to fit our learned scripts of what love or family should be. We see this as protecting them. Yet, we stifle them and ourselves, crippling not only the individuals, but the entire family.

Fear is the opposite of love. When fear creeps into the family, it creates stagnation and contraction, instead of growth and evolution. Fear alone is not the enemy, however. The enemy of love, as well as freedom is learned fear. This crippling disease keeps families imprisoned and clips the wings of their members.

But we all have choices, don’t we? We don’t stay under our elders’ grip forever. You grow up, leave your home of origin and create the life you want. Or so you think. But unbeknownst to you, the old family beliefs pass on from your great-grandmother to your grandmother to your mother and to you. These patterns are still intact, alive and kicking in your subconscious.


Your Double Inheritance

When these beliefs are healthy, relevant to the present and effectively moving you towards your dreams, they are the Ancestors’ Gifts. They are the air under your wing.

But when they are obsolete, based on fear and on a negative worldview and embedded in a life-or-death pattern drenched in fear, these old beliefs are your Shadow Inheritance. This
inheritance holds you back. It is an invisible shackle solidly built in your subconscious. The links of that chain are made of expectations, assumptions, learned defensive patterns and a cast-iron worldview. It has nothing to do with what you consciously believe. It may hold you back against your own
conscious, chosen values, beliefs and dreams. The subconscious runs about 95% percent of your life, so that is a BIG chain. That heavy chain keeps you a prisoner of the past.

As long as you are carrying the weight of your Shadow Inheritance, you are going to find it difficult to soar into your dreams, because the old beliefs are weighting you down.

In my new ebook set,
Tap into the Secret Power in the Family Blues: Heal Issues of Love, Wealth
and Health
, I help you take a good look at the way in which your Shadow Inheritance holds you back. I share with you a personal experience in the storybook
A Bitter-sweet Holiday Family Story.
Then in the
workbook
, I offer you powerful tools to flush out from your subconscious those old beliefs, so that you can fly free. To find out how your Family Karma can hold you down and how to break free, continue reading.


Part 2

Family Karma and Personal Freedom

Your Shadow Inheritance keeps you trapped in the past. I call this trap the  Family Karmic Prison. Its walls are made of perceptions and energy patterns. It is created and constantly recreated by inherited beliefs, old emotional patterns and a worldview that limits our expectations and our ability to see new possibilities. These learned perceptions color and shape the world you see right now. Yet, you believe that this is the only real world because it is a familiar world, one that has been created for generations in your family. When you commit yourself to dissolving the inner obstacles within you and move towards your
dream, you begin to dissolve the Family Karmic Prison. This is a
great act of love towards yourself. When you do that, you wake up from the Domestication Trance that keeps your family members trapped in that prison. You begin to see with new eyes. You see new possibilities. You can interpret circumstances in a different way.

This does not necessarily make you happier, for now you see with clarity how your loved ones are trapped. You try to help them. You try to let them know that their expectations are not necessarily reality, but assumptions. And your conflicts escalate. They resist. They blame you. They hold on tighter to their prison. The pain grows in you.


The Loyalty War

What will you do? Will you stop changing and moving towards your dream? Will you betray yourself to be loyal to your family’s worldview? Or will you move on, split into two by the pain of leaving them behind? Is it worth it, to reach your dream alone, without them? This creates a type of Inner War that I
call the Loyalty War.

Know this:
You are a Family Scout. You were given a dream, a life purpose

and a vision because you came into this world to move yourself, the world and your family into a new reality. You are a Messenger of Freedom. It does not serve you or anyone to stay behind, shrinking your potential, clipping your wings, denying your Personal Truth, just to be accepted. Self-betrayal is not an act of love. It is not love for yourself and it is certainly not love for your family.


Personal Freedom

As long as you are inside that Family Karmic Prison, you cannot open the door for anyone else. You need to break free from your attachment to your family’s struggle. That is a core part of your Soul’s Purpose. It is a precondition to manifest your Life’s Purpose. Once outside that perceptual prison, you can invite your loved ones to step out of those limits and into new possibilities. Your own act of liberation, your own health, joy, success or fulfillment will be the best invitation. Even then, however, you must honor personal choice. You may invite them to walk out,
but you cannot walk out FOR them and you cannot MAKE them walk out.

You can give them your love, but you cannot give them freedom, for freedom is a personal choice.

Resources

I wrote the ebook set Tap into the Secret Power in the Family Blues: Heal Issues of Love, Wealth
and Health
, to help you with this issue.


Do you like this?

Does this help? Let me know! Leave your comment.

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click here
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About Maria Mar
Maria Mar is an author, speaker and ceremonialist poet. She is also a spiritual teacher and an internationally known shaman who inspires women to manifest the life of their dreams. She offers books, digital products and coaching, art that heals and transforms as well as performances, speaking engagements and other live and online events to help you become the protagonist of your life and the creator of your destiny. Find out more at Catch the Dream Express.
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The End

The key to get what you want

The Key to get what you Want

By Maria Mar(c)2009

The Dream Alchemist

  • So you want a new job.
  • You long to live from what you love to do.
  • You want to be invited to a more visible, respected or rewarded professional circle.
  • You want more media attention.
  • You want more money or recognition.
  • You want love.
  • You want health.

Good! It’s great to know what you want.

It’s even better to do something about it. So if you are working hard to make this happen, you should be doubly congratulated. Right?

Not so fast.

I don’t care if you are moving the Appalachian Mountains in order to get what you want. External actions alone will NOT make it happen.

But you may know this already. You’ve worked 12 hour days for months, maybe years, and it does not get any closer. What is missing?

What is missing is internal action.

More specifically, an apparently simple, but essential internal action that most of us ignore, but that is keyl in the alchemy of living well and manifesting our dreams. Few people are aware of it or speak about it.

What is this mysterious internal alchemy that is missing in your tireless efforts?

The internal action of RECEIVING.

As a shaman, author and life coach, I inspire and guide women to create the life of their dreams. In my more than 20 years of working with women and families, I have observed this law:

Look at what you do not have
and you will find what you are not willing to receive.

”Give me a break!” you say. “I’d do anything to get this opportunity. I’ve knocked on so many doors! I’ve sent my resume. I’ve called. It’s just not happening. How can you tell me that I am not receiving it? I am practically begging for it!”

You can work for it. You can request it. You can pray for it. You can network and even hustle for it. But if you are not able and willing to do the internal action of receiving that for which you are praying, it will not happen.

We often mistake our longing and desire, our struggling and efforts with the elements of the Law of Attraction. We believe that by talking about it, working for it and preparing for it we are magnetizing it.

What we do when we neglect this internal action is tantamount to a hostess that invites a guest to her house. For weeks she cleans and decorates the house, shops for food and tells everyone that the guest is coming. But she does not create a space for the guest to stay, and when the guest arrives, she is busy fixing the backyard fence and does not hear the door.

The act of RECEIVING is a six-part internal action.

  1. It is the internal action of making space for what you desire inside you.
  2. It is the receptive act of allowing it to happen.
  3. It is the emotional act of giving yourself permission to have it.
  4. It is the subtle, yet powerful internal act of loving yourself enough to know you deserve it and to enjoy it.
  5. It is also the alchemical act of opening your heart to the world as an ally, recognizing and accepting the allies and opportunities that show up.
  6. Finally, it entails the internal acts of humility and detachment that allow you to hear the Universe’s instructions about the changes you need to undergo in order to be ready for your dream.

All of these actions seem “abstract” only because our society has devalued the Sacred Feminine, the aspect within you that generates internal actions and yields your Receptive Power.

These actions seem unimportant because you believe that you are alone in the world, and that in order for you to have something, you need to manifest it with hard work and lots of effort, AGAINST the current of the universe.

You don’t SEE how the world is already bringing you what you want. You don’t SEE how you are repelling it because you believe that it must be harder or because you don’t trust the way it shows up.

You do not understand the importance of receiving because you are caught up in an illusion of CONTROL. You believe that you are in control of anything that is manifested in your life. You control it by working hard to make it happen. If you are not in control, if it simply shows up easily, gracefully, effortlessly, you do not trust it. You will probably let it go by.

This is a great mistake. It is ignoring the nature of the Universe and the rhythm of the flow of the Law of Attraction. Once you are clear about what you want and begin to take action to manifest it, the Universe immediately begins to work with you. But the Universe, whose consciousness is far vaster than you, feels your areas of resistance, fear and doubt. To address these areas, the Universe may send allies, events or opportunities that are like a laboratory. They may not be exactly what you wanted, but they are a stepping stone for it.

What happens if you are afraid of rejection? What happens if you are defending yourself against what you perceive as criticism? What happens if you secretly feel like the Ugly Duckling and are afraid of flying among the Majestic Swans? What happens if, because of all these issues, you close off to these allies and opportunities, interpreting them as a threat?

You miss the boat. Not because you did not work enough. Not because it didn’t show up on the shores of your desire. But because you REPELLED it.

Here’s a real life story to help you track down how this may be happening in your life.

_____________________

The Absent Expert
For years, I heard a woman speaker in my network complaining that she was not invited to speak at certain type of events. She was a friend of a friend, and a very good expert. She seemed extremely competent and professional, though a bit attached to her habit of complaining. I liked what she had to say about the topic and she was indeed better prepared than others who routinely talked on the topic. I wondered why she was not invited to so many events. I observed that she only presented at solo events that she herself organized. She also complained about the hard labor that went into organizing those events.

I had heard her complains for a couple of years, when I was asked to organize one such event for an institution. The topic in which this peer was very competent was key in the event and I felt happy that I finally had the opportunity to invite her. She accepted. Three days before the event, when the publicity had already been sent and the program printed, she called to say that she could not go. On the phone, she gave a flimsy excuse that no one believed. During the conversation, however, she hinted at this and that element of the organization as not to her liking.

This woman had worked hard to become an expert. She had been asking for and complaining about not being invited to such events. But when the opportunity came, her need to control took over and she REPELLED it.

She could only participate in the events she controlled. That is why she was not participating in any other. She could not let go of the mental formula in her head about how her dream should look like enough to receive the actual shape it came in.

By standing us up, she closed the door with me and the other event organizers. She closed the door with the presenting institution, whose members were appalled at her unprofessional behavior. The event was so great that the institution considered doing it annually and the possibility branched out of doing it internationally. She closed those doors too.

She will never know how many doors she closed that day. She will not see the consequences of what she did NOT do except for the continuous absence of those events in her life.

This woman was not able to RECEIVE what she was asking for.

_______________________

It is a challenge to develop the radar that allows you to recognize when you are not RECEIVING and when you are REPELLING opportunities. The best policy is to practice the six internal actions of receiving as a life discipline.

Here it is again: The act of RECEIVING is the a six-part internal action.

  1. It is the internal action of making space for what you desire inside you.
  2. It is the receptive act of allowing it to happen.
  3. It is the emotional act of giving yourself permission to have it.
  4. It is the subtle, yet powerful internal act of loving yourself enough to know you deserve it and to enjoy it.
  5. It is also the alchemical act of opening your heart to the world as an ally, recognizing and accepting the allies and opportunities that show up.
  6. Finally, it entails the internal acts of humility and detachment that allow you to hear the Universe’s instructions about the changes you need to undergo in order to be ready for your dream.

The best life policy to get what you want is to let go of your delusion of control and to cultivate unconditional trust in the Universe as your ally. Let go and let God…. and practice RECEIVING.

Light and love,

Maria Mar

The Dream Alchemist

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Maria Mar is the Dream Alchemist, an inspirational speaker, ceremonialist poet, coach, author and spiritual teacher who helps women create the life of their dreams. Visit her at: Catch the Dream Express!

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RESOURCES

Find out how to cultivate internal actions through the

Women and the Law of Attraction (Dream Kit) at:

http://www.catchthedreamexpress.com/dreamkit.htm

More prosperity resources at:

http://www.ProsperityPlace.com/

Relationships and Prosperity

Relationships and Prosperity

By Maria Mar(c)

Prosperity is deeply connected to relationships.

Prosperity is deeply connected to relationships.

Prosperity is deeply connected to relationships because wealth is created as the result of an exchange between people.

What did you learn to expect from strangers? Do you expect others to value you, to remunerate you justly and joyfully, and to trust you?

Or did you learn to expect betrayal, to be cheated or undervalued? Do you expect others to receive you or to reject you?

Carefully examine your expectations about relationships, and you will find the core of your issues with prosperity.

Shifting Beliefs

Here’s a journal writing exercise to help you. Print it and paste the copy in your journal, for easy following.

STEP 1: PREPARATION
Begin with sitting comfortably, your journal and pen in front of you. Breathe deeply and slowly, allowing the air to travel deep into your trunk, all the way down to your lower belly, and exhale as slowly as possible. Do this five times, each time releasing stress from your shoulders, back and face.

STEP 2: INTENTION
Say these words inwardly in your last inhalation, paying attention to each one. Then say them out loud in exhalation, again listening to the sound attentively.

“I welcome the truth of my emotions as guides to my freedom and prosperity. I intend to create new, free ways of connecting to others in the streams of affluence of life.”

STEP 3: EXPECTATIONS
Keep breathing slowly and deeply, allowing the breath to connect you to your body and feelings, as you answer the questions below.

“What do I expect from people, especially those who don’t know me?”

Make a list of a minimum of two and a maximum of five items. Keep the answers short and to the point. Leave ten spaces between each item.

EXAMPLES:

  • I expect people to judge me.
  • I expect people to see my flaws and find me deficient.
  • I expect potential clients to find my prices too high.
  • I expect people in network events not to be interested in me and to forget me.

STEP 4: BELIEFS

Come back to each item.  In breath, ask the second question.

“What belief creates this expectation?”

Write the answer below each item. Again, try to define the belief as simply and exactly as possible.

EXAMPLES:

  • Expectation: I expect people to judge me.
  • Belief: I am guilty of something bad and people will find me out.
  • Expectation: I expect people to see my flaws and find me deficient.
  • Belief: I am not good enough to be loved.
  • Expectation: I expect potential clients to find my prices too high.
  • Belief: People do not appreciate my true value.
  • Expectation:I expect people in network events not to be interested in me and to forget me.
  • Belief: I am not that special.

STEP 5: INHERITANCE

Breathing deeply and slowly, go back to each item and track down from whom and how did you learn this. It may be a family belief that has been passed on through generations verbally or non-verbally. It may be a class, race or cultural belief. It may also be a conclusion you made as a child observing your circumstances. Define the source of each expectation/belief without either blaming or excusing those involved, including you. Skip a line, and place your discovery on the third line below each item, like this:

  • Expectation:I expect people in network events not to be interested in me and to forget me.
  • Belief: I am not that special.
  • Source: My mom always said “Who do you think you are? You are not that special?” She meant to say that I was not above others, but there was also a hidden message that I did not deserve better than others. In my Inner Child’s heart, this voice resonates as “You are not that special.”

STEP 6: ACTIONS

Go back again to each item and recall one habitual action that you do in relationships that responds directly to this belief. Remember to breathe deeply and slowly and honor your emotions. Write the action in the fourth line under the item.

  • Expectation:I expect people in network events not to be interested in me and to forget me.
  • Belief: I am not that special.
  • Source: My mom always said “Who do you think you are? You are not that special?” She meant to say that I was not above others, but there was also a hidden message that I did not deserve better than others. In my Inner Child’s heart, this voice resonates as “You are not that special.”
  • Action: I forget to bring my business cards and I am always apologizing for not having them, that way I have an excuse for why they won’t call me.

STEP 7: FREE CHOICE

Examine the belief and decide whether you are ready and willing to release it.

Once you make the choice, close your eyes. Shift your perception of yourself to your Sacred Self, who is larger than your physical or ego self, and who is one with God.  See that small self with compassion and love. Allow a smile to come from within, as you realize the childlike mistake of these beliefs. From that place, inhale forgiveness and exhale release. Do these three times.

  • Inhale as you wrap yourself in forgiveness.
  • Exhale as you release the old beliefs.

STEP 8: NEW BELIEFS

write down a new belief to substitute each old belief. Skip a line. Write in caps the title “NEW BELIEF” and then write the new belief

It is a fact that there is no other human being like me. My fingerprints are unique. My DNA is unique. My personal history is unique and I am a unique, special and wonderful expression of divinity.

STEP 9: CONSCIOUS LIVING

During the next 30 days, observe yourself in relationships. Catch yourself doing the old actions and methodically shift to the new actions that reflect and nurture your new beliefs.

Remember that these beliefs were implanted in you very early on, when you did not have the experience or ability to discern. They have been embedded through years of practice. Be compassionate with yourself when you respond from the old beliefs, and kindly, but firmly repeat your new belief to yourself and keep choosing the new actions.

Celebrate when you respond from your new beliefs. Your subconscious is like a child. It responds to positive feedback. Focus on the times you do it right and never judge or belittle yourself when you respond from the old beliefs.

Your evolution is not a project. It is process. Patience with yourself nurtures your self-love.

___________________________________

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Maria Mar is the Dream Alchemist, an inspirational speaker, ceremonialist poet, coach, author and spiritual teacher who helps women create the life of their dreams. Visit her at: Catch the Dream Express!

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Are you a toxic magnet?

Are you a Toxic Magnet?

By Maria Mar(c)2009

Excerpt from

Toxic Relationships: Love them, but LEAVE Them

Digital Self-help Kit and Home Study Course

Are you signaling toxic people that you are a willing prey?

The Toxic Relationships Self-help Kit

The Toxic Relationships Self-help Kit

Are you an unwilling, unconscious magnet for toxic people? If you often find yourself dealing with toxic people or if the effects of toxic encounters affect you more and for a longer time than they affect others, then you may be a Toxic Magnet.

Just because you have a couple of toxic relationships that need addressing or because you know some toxic people does not mean that you are a Toxic Magnet. Toxic people are everywhere. You are bound to meet a couple of every month, at least. Whether you hook up with them or not is another matter.

But if you often suffer from the anxiety, emotional torture and negative drama that toxic people generate, then you may want to examine if you are a Toxic Magnet.

This mini self-assessment is an excerpt from Toxic Relationships: Love them, but LEAVE Them, a digital Self-help Kit and Home Study Course that helps you understand, transform and release the toxic relationships in your life.

To establish your Primary Emotional Response Pattern, in the list below, check any feelings that arise from your toxic encounter. Address one encounter at a time.

SECTION A

___  I keep thinking that I’ve done something wrong and keep trying to come up with another way of responding, but everything fails.

___   I feel guilty when I tell the person how I feel or when I set limits.

___  I feel hurt and sad. I want the person to tell me that she loves me and accept me as I am.

SECTION B

___    I want to win. I want her to apologize and accept that she is wrong. I keep bring up evidence and arguments, but she won’t give in.

___    I feel trapped and frustrated. I can’t find a way to get a win-win solution. Everything I say is misinterpreted and I am at the end of my wit.

___    I wrap myself in patience and try to address each complaint. But the complaints never seize and it’s frustrating.

SECTION C

___    I feel that I am more mature and healthy than this person and should be able to address the situation in an effective way.

___    I allow the person to rant and rave or do her acting out. I feel like a mother waiting for a kid to finish a tantrum.

___    I speak to her as to a child, softly and calmly. I listen attentively and then ask questions.

SECTION D

___    I feel exhausted. I am drained of all energy. I feel unable to continue with this dynamic, and at the same time, I am scared of what she might do if I do not continue.

___    My overwhelming feeling is fear. Fear that I may be fired, that I will be judged, that I will be exposed or hurt. I feel intimidated.

___    I can’t find my voice. I want to scream or confront the person, but I get a lump in my throat.

SECTION E

___    I want to go away and avoid the whole thing because it causes too much anxiety.

___    I go away emotionally. I feel frozen or paralyzed or simply disappear and show up when it’s all over.

___    I am shocked. I can’t believe it. It all becomes a blur.

Look at the section that has the most checks. That’s your Primary Emotional Response Patterns.

Section A= Defective

Section B=Fixer

Section C=Saint

Section D=Follower

Section E=Sleepwalker

Types of Toxic Magnets

We humans are complex beings. Once you have dived into the infinite layers of the subconscious, you learn that we are as vast as all universes existing throughout eternity.

Therefore, the types that are presented in this self-assessment barely scratch the surface of your Toxic Magnet behaviors and beliefs. Furthermore, you will rarely fit only in one Toxic Magnet Type.

However, recognizing your Primary Emotional Responses allows you to spot how a specific toxic person or situation triggers a specific type of Toxic Magnet response in you. Since you cannot change the other, but you can change your responses, this information empowers you to change the responses that keep you hooked in the Toxic Dance.

Section A: The Defectives

If you checked a majority of items in Section A, you may respond to the Toxic Magnet Type called Defectives. The Defectives secretly feel defective, damaged, less than others or insufficient. They seek to gain value by giving, being good, serving others, placating or appeasing or by playing second best.

If you fit this profile, this does not mean that you ARE defective. It means that the Ugly Duckling is alive somewhere in your psyche, stealing the majestic Swan you truly are. This hooks you up with toxic people, who are big blamers. Their blaming triggers your secret feelings of not being enough and keeps you hooked in the Toxic Dance.

Section B: The Fixers

If you checked a majority of items in Section B, you may respond to the Toxic Magnet Type called Fixers. The Fixers need something or someone to fix in order to distract themselves from their own issues. They have inherited an emotional belief that they cannot be loved unless they give others what they want, unless they are needed, in control or perfect.

If you fit this profile, this does not automatically mean that you ARE a control freak and want to fix everyone ―though this may also be true. It means that when a toxic person complaints or blame others or a situation for their actions, you get hooked trying to solve the problem and that fixing obsession keeps you in the Toxic Dance.

Section C: The Followers

If you checked a majority of items in Section C, you may respond to the Toxic Magnet Type called Followers. The Followers learned to blend with the wall paper in order to avoid conflict or abuse. They focus on others to gain their support and avoid decisions, risks or responsibility. They are afraid to assume their power or leadership or to speak their truth.

If you fit this profile, this does not automatically mean that you ARE a coward who is easily bullied. It means that when a toxic person displays intimidating behavior, you may be unable to stand up to this person. You may freeze, lose your voice or give in to avoid conflicts. By giving in, you stay in the Toxic Dance.

Section D: The Saints

If you checked a majority of items in Section D, you may respond to the Toxic Magnet Type called Saints. The Saints believe that they have to sacrifice in order to deserve a place in the world. They also believe that to gain heaven or spiritual evolution, they need to sacrifice their own desires, happiness and sometimes even their wellbeing.

If you fit this profile, this does not automatically mean that you ARE a goody-two-shoes who can’t stand up for herself. It means that when a toxic person trespasses your personal boundaries, you are going to use inappropriate compassion to enable their inappropriate behavior. By sacrificing your personal needs and not prioritizing your own feelings and desires, you get pulled into the Toxic Dance

Section E: The Sleep-walkers

If you checked a majority of items in Section E, you may respond to the Toxic Magnet Type called Sleep-Walker. The Sleep-Walkers “go away” at the least sign of danger, confrontation or risk. They may do this by disconnecting emotionally or mentally from the situation, literally leaving, “switching off” or using an addictive behavior or substance.

If you fit this profile, this does not automatically mean that you ARE Sleeping Beauty personified ―though you should track down how pervasive this reaction is in your life. It means that when a toxic person discharges their toxic energy or creates conflicts, you will not be able to take effective action because you will fall into the sleeping trance, which keeps you in the Toxic Dance.

I hope that in recognizing the role you may play in attracting, hooking up with or allowing the toxic behavior, you have realized to what measure you may be a Toxic Magnet.

In the measure in which you avoid your responsibility and are afraid of assuming your Personal Power, in that measure you become a Toxic Magnet.

In the measure in which you are not willing to see what you see, in which you avoid the truth and try to change, appease or follow others to avoid confrontation, in that same measure your become a Toxic Magnet.

In the measure in which you see what you see, take responsibility for your choices and assume your Personal Power, in that same measure you signal to toxic people that you are not prey.

In the measure in which you honor your truth, release control over others and stand as your self-authority, in that same measure you are free from the hooks and attachments that keep people in the Toxic Dance.

The END

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You can use this article in ezines, web pages and other online media as long as you include my name and copyright mark and the paragraph below, with functional link:

Maria Mar(c)2009. Maria Mar is a writer, inspirational speaker and poet, a spiritual teacher and an internationally known shaman. Maria helps people understand and release toxic relationships in the Toxic
Relationships: Love them, but LEAVE Them
Digital Self-help Kit and Home Study Course


Prosperity or Poverty: Choose your Mirror

Prosperity or Poverty:

Choose your Mirror


By Maria Mar©2009

A visual storytelling journey

to dispel the thieves of your prosperity.


The meeting got complicated. It would take much of the day. We broke for lunch and I hurried to the bathroom. There I met a fascinating woman. As our lunch hour coincided, we had lunch together in the building’s ground-level cafeteria.

art by Maria Mar(c)2009. No reproduction, copy/paste allowed.

I felt that a strong, peaceful connection had brought us together and was very curious as to the purpose of this encounter. We began to talk with ease.

I was pleasantly surprised when I realized that Lillianne* was a spiritual catalyst whose inspired writings I had read once when I somehow clicked on a link to her blog.

I recalled that she was a wise woman with an extraordinary capacity for deep reflection into the mysteries of existence. In her beautiful writings, I had appreciated her thorough understanding of the Law of Attraction. I especially admired her awareness of how we create our own universe with our thoughts, emotions and choices.

Lillianne and I talked passionately for a while about these topics, which we both loved. But even through the lightness of this lovely conversation, I could feel that a heavy silence weighed on her. Finally, Lillianne could not contain her anguish any longer. She burst out into tears.


The Empty Hands

“I am so scared!” she stuttered between sobs. “I have reached the bottom. I don’t understand how this is happening to me. Ten years ago, I began my own business. You may not believe it looking at me now, but I have earned thousands of dollars in a week. I have charged clients in an hour more than what I am making daily in this job.”

Lillianne was trying hard not to burst into tears again in the crowded cafeteria. We left the noisy place and took refuge in a small lobby, where a sofa nested inside a niche was conveniently hidden by a group of tall palms and other potted plants.

We sat, wrapped in heavy silence, now broken only by some quiet sobs. Lillianne stared at her empty hands.

I remembered a time in which I also stared at my empty hands. I had lost everything I had in a bizarre housing disaster. I had to leave all my art and tools, my clothing and most of my possessions behind. I had no idea where I would go. As I recovered my health in a friend’s guest room, I had stared at my hands, empty after so many years of giving the best of my creativity.

In the deeply carved lines, I had read my past. I faced the war I waged against money. I recognized how I spent it as soon as I got it, as if it burned my hands. I realized that I had not created financial structures, strategies or goals in my life. It was a brutal encounter with realities that I had disregarded for most of my adult life. This disregard had lead to that moment, in which I had no emergency money or financial alternatives to recover from this crisis.

“Is this a lesson I must learn? Am I being cleansed of ego?” Lillianne asked abruptly. Her voice reminded me of a little girl who has been punished and is trying to understand what she did wrong. But there was someone else in that voice: the punisher herself, flagellating Lillianne in each of her questions.


Only for Love

“I was so broke that I had to place a PayPal button in my blog. Imagine? I had to ask my subscribers for donations!” Lillianne said, as if that was the ultimate perversion.

Lillianne was thankful that her 10,000 subscribers had sent her so many blessings and kind words and had given her generous donations, which kept her afloat for about a month. But her monthly obligations had to be met, and she had finally caved in. Her eyes were wide with terror.

“I admit that my relationship with money has not been good. There’s a lot of guilt attached to it. I played the starving artist for most of my youth. And now, it appears that I am playing the starving guru,” she whispered with a faint smile.

Lillianne exhaled a pain-ridden sight that traveled through my bones. I tried to piece together the two opposite images I was receiving from the same woman.

Lillianne had shared that her subscribers were very active and often responded to her articles. During our conversation in the cafeteria, she had told me, with badly concealed pride, that her subscribers had suggested that she charge a subscription fee for the blog. When she refused, some suggested that she
offer an upgraded service, with more support and inspiration, for a monthly fee. Lillianne had refused to do that, too.

“I am not doing this blog to get money,” Lillianne had said, almost angry. “This is for love. To inspire.”

I had assumed then that she had devised other means of earning money. After all, she had coached corporations and organizations and had impressive recommendations about her work.

Now, however, I realized that this Rich-Wise-Woman had not created a strategy to earn money. Instead, she had fed her “Poor-but-Good” Shadow Self.


The War Against Money

As I handed Lillianne some tissues, I asked her how she had planned to earn money from the time she invested in her blog.

“No, not from the blog,” she insisted. “I don’t want to charge for that.”

“I got that,” I replied as gently as I could.

I did not want Lillianne to think that I was blaming or judging her. Quiet the contrary. I strongly empathized with her. I had similar Personal Medicines to Lillianne. It followed that I had been given similar emotional wounds in which to hide ―and find― these Medicines.

“But you have a business, don’t you?” I softly asked. “What monetization strategies do you have for your business?”

“I sell products,” Lillianne said defensively. As I had a laptop, she asked me to open it and soon she was showing me her products.

“I have two books, two CDs and several other products,” Lillianne showed me with a trickle of enthusiasm. I could see that she had put a lot of love in these products. I could also see that she sold them piece-meal, without a sense of a system or philosophy that integrated them and added the value of her unique offering.

“But the sales trickle in and do not even cover the business expenses,” Lillianne concluded, as she clicked out of her “Store” tab and into her “About Lillianne” tab.

In her biography, Lillianne had gone into a lengthy monologue about life. I liked her style to a point, because I could hear her voice. But I had no idea of what she could do for me, what her services where, what system of philosophy, if any she had, and what her unique offer was to me. She had wrapped herself in her beautiful, creative words, but remained a lonely island separated from her products and from her capacity to satisfy the growing needs of her readers.

Little by little, I got a picture of Lillianne’s business. Her blog was a plain template with not as much as a header. There was no branding there. I could not get a sense of who she was or the uniqueness of her gifts. Having felt her warmth and caring love, it seemed a pity that these qualities were not reflected in her blog.

She had no social media presence or links and no adsense or google ads. She had no affiliate program, so she could not earn income through joint venture partnerships and affiliate sales, either.

Why had Lillianne refused her clients’ request? Why hadn’t she created a paid monthly support, even though they had expressed their need for this?

It wasn’t that hard to create protected blog pages for paying subscribers, and she could still delivered the free access pages she was writing now.

Her clients were ready and eager to participate in deeper conversation, to receive her guidance. Instead, Lillianne had continued her long-lasting conversation with the world in her blog, refusing to monetize her writings.


Not for Sale

A light bulb turned on. I understood too well Lillianne’s resistance. I had been given a devastating message as a teenager, when my mom stopped giving me lunch money so that I would not stay in college for rehearsals. That was her way of trying to stop me from pursuing my acting career. This had also been the beginning of my eating disorders, as I had stayed for rehearsals, forsaking lunch and dinners for days on a row, until I was severely undernourished.

The price for self-loyalty, I had learned, was poverty. That had been the beginning of a war between creativity and prosperity. This war went on for decades during my adult life. I knew from experience how insidious this polarity could be.

In the ten years of healing my issues with money, I had tracked down how deeply and invisibly one can sabotage one’s prosperity in the most absurd ways without even realizing it. It came as no surprise to me, then, that Lillianne had not charged for her creative, spiritual writings.

I could now touch the heart of the matter. I found Lillianne’s tiny orphan-self, hiding behind her wise words. She was a little girl seeking belonging, giving endlessly of her vast gifts in an effort to be loved.

Lillianne was not valuing her wisdom as a service that she gave to others for their benefit. She had written some words in her blog that said this. But she was not living it. She did not believe it.

Perhaps when she went to a corporation and did a workshop she saw herself as giving a service. But not from her Essence, not from her writings ―from her

creativity. In her eyes, to use her words as a service and charge for it would have been to betray her soul.

Lillianne’s underground orphanhood and her war with money were sabotaging her life’s purpose.


The Cloak of Ghosts

Lillianne had not released the Cloak of Ghosts. Many of us inherit this heavy mantle of learned beliefs and toxic emotions from our elders. It is passed to us by our family of origin and culture. Lillianne’s Cloak of Ghosts was filled with guilt, shame and anger against money and attachment to poverty, which she saw as proof of goodness.

  • Love vs. power

  • Spirituality vs. money

  • Creativity vs. service

  • Creativity vs. prosperity

  • Honesty vs. authority

These were only a few of the battles in Lillianne’s Inner War.

Lillianne got up and threw the crumbled tissues into a nearby garbage can. I felt that her hopes were as crumbled as the tissues and my heart felt heavy for her. She swept some crumbs off her overall uniform and picked up her dirty maintenance globes.

As we returned to the fifth floor, she waived a sad goodbye and returned to the toilets left to clean.


The Two Mirrors

As Lillianne moved away, I saw a woman in war with herself. This woman had looked into two different mirrors and had secretly chosen the familiar one, though it in no way reflected her Essence.

Art by Maria Mar (c)2009. No reproduction, copy/paste allowed.

The Poverty Mirror

In the mirror she had secretly chosen, Lillianne was an abandoned, unloved orphan trapped in poverty.

Guided by guilt and fear, she had erected an unforgiving God-parent who stripped her of “ego” (her own desires, her power to manifest, her true value?) by punishing her with a poverty that in no way reflected her inner richness.

The true punishment was however, self-inflicted. Lillianne refused to charge for the services she came here to give. Instead, she had chosen to beg for them.

Art by Maria Mar(c)2009. No reproduction, copy/paste permitted.

In the mirror that reflected her Essence, Lillianne was a Wise Woman, a radiant being full of wisdom-treasures.

She had the rare courage to dive deep into her Soul and to bring from those depths unfathomable riches searched and needed by millions.

Her hands were filled with plenty. Her life could but reflect her inner riches and her generosity of spirit.

For now, the orphan had won this battle. But by now I knew Lillianne. I knew that she would push against the bottom and rise in full majesty.


Hands filled to the rim

I looked at my hands then and remembered that day in my friend’s guest room, when I stared at my empty hands.

In those deeply carved lines, I had read my present. I had seen the extraordinary value of the wisdom that had been handed me. I had traced the grace of my words and my art. I had weighted the substance of my gifts.

My hands were not empty. They were filled to the rim with valuable wisdom, tools andinspiration. They had been  bestowed to me with the charge to pass them on.

That day I had created my business, firmly founded on my writings, my art and my spiritual wisdom.

As the bathroom door swallowed Lillianne, I sent her a blessing.

May you look at your emptyhands and see the treasures overflowing.

May you value each word of wisdom that flows from your lips and hands as a sacred treasure with the power to transform the world.

May you receive the river of affluence that flows right now from the Universe to you. May you allow it to shower you in prosperity.

May you open your heart to receive the riches you already have.

I hold this blessing in my heart, for myself.

I send it to each of you in these challenging times, with the invitation to choose the mirror that reflects your richness and release the fear that drags you into a place of fear and lack.

Light and love, Maria Mar
The Dream Alchemist

PS: If you feel that you need help with your Shadow Selves, self-sabotage or manifesting your dream, please check my coaching services at: http://www.catchthedreamexpress.com/coaching.htm

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* The name and circumstances have been changed to protect this person’s privacy.


Photos courtesy of Morguefile.com


Art copyright of Maria Mar(c)2009. No reproduction or copy/paste permitted.


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Maria Mar is the Dream Alchemist, an inspirational speaker, poet, coach, author and spiritual teacher who helps women create the life of their dreams. Visit her at: Catch the Dream Express!

Love them, but leave them

Love them, but leave them

Releasing those who keep you trapped in the old world

Art by Maria Mar(c)2000

Art by Maria Mar(c)2000

Today I am writing about a painful subject. It is not easy to release habits. But when you realize that a friend you love, or an old client to whom you have dedicated lots of time, is keeping you spinning in old, harmful habits. What do you do?

I am talking about those moments in life when you have crossed the threshold into a new world. You left dysfunctional habits behind. You stepped into your dream. You released the thoughts and responses that were keeping you from being happy and fulfilling your potential.

You are now your dream, or closer to it than ever. In this new world, you feel the Essence of who you are. You are strong in your faith. You are nurturing your dream every day. You are sustaining your Dream Discipline, dedicating time and space to yourself and your dream. You have given yourself permission to be happy.

Many of the people who love you have understood that you changed. They have supported you in your dreams. They have been able to adapt to your new dynamics. By you changing your set of beliefs, thoughts and attitudes, your relationship with most people around you has improved greatly.

But there is this friend…

There is still this old client…

There are sometimes those who refuse to change because they are the slaves of the Dog of Habit. They allow the Dog of Habit to piss all over you and themselves. They chose not to change.

There are those who danced well with you when you did not set limits, when you caretook them in their every whim, when you kept giving when they were not receiving.

But the minute you set limits, stop caretaking and stand in your value, these people begin to escalate their old, dysfunctional behavior. This is their way of exerting control in a life that feels out of control. Your change feels to them as if they are losing control. They cannot honor your new dynamics. Basically, they do not fit in your new world.

What then?

People are not like a dress that you can take off. Love is not a habit that you can simply release, is it?

Well, sometimes it is.

We believe that friends are forever. This is not true. Love may be forever, but a friend may not. The love you have for a person, if it is true, if it has to do with their Essence, is eternal.

But what happens when that person herself does not honor her own Essence? Can you love her for the beauty of her soul when she is betraying that soul trying to control and manipulate others? When he is dishonoring that soul by being unfaithful or by being insensitive to others?

My answer is this. Love them, but leave them.

If you do not release these people in a good way, out of love, when there is still the possibility of simply moving away gently ~you may come to the point of a serious clash. Then you will have to leave in the middle of a fight or in a bitter way.

When someone you love is toxic to you, you need to release this person as an act of love for yourself and for him or her.

By toxic, I do not mean that they are finding it difficult to deal with your change. That’s normal. I don’t mean that they “make you” feel this or that way. No one “makes” you feel. That is giving your power away. If this is the case, assume the responsibility for your feelings, attitudes and responses.

What I mean by toxic is that they are not willing to respect your limits. Toxic to you are friends who repeatedly dishonor or betray you. Toxic are friends who play mind games. Toxic are people who are unwilling or unable to see how their acts affect others, how they are affecting you. Toxic people are blamers. They always have an excuse and a finger pointing somewhere else. There is no way that you can come to terms with people like that. You will be trying forever. Toxic are those who take, but do not receive. Toxic are those who take, but do not give.

Toxic people take you for granted. Their actions (and sometimes even their words) consistently reveal that they not value you. They put you down with words or actions. They make you invisible. They refuse to name the beauty and love you bring into their lives.

Toxic friends trample on your faith and speak only cynical words that take away all the magic and goodness in life.

Toxic friends may be charmers, but they cannot commit to love, to you or to their own words. These toxic friends do not know what they want. They keep asking for your help, only to drop the entire project the minute you committed your contacts or time to their support. You end up exhausted and your reputation is damaged with these toxic friends.

Toxic are people who begin a full-fledge war against your happiness, who do everything they can to bring you back to a place of suffering, so that you stay with them in their misery.

Toxic clients are those who keep asking for more and take everything, but do not RECEIVE it. Because they are not allowing the love in what you give to touch them, they do not FEEL the value of it. As a result, they always want more and nothing is enough. They do not value the gifts because in their emotional world, they have not let the gift in.

They do not trust or value your expertise. Because they do not value themselves, they distrust the value of anyone associated with them. Once they hire you, they do not value you. They will ask for others’ opinions and act on those opinions, even if these other people are not experts. They will not follow your counsel and when their actions lead them to failure, they will fail to see that it was not your counsel, but their stupidity that lead them to that end.

Toxic clients haggle about the price of your service. They pay late and come up with excuses. They do not do their work and then complain that your service is not working. They give you the materials late and procrastinate, so that you cannot fulfill your contract with them. Then they come back after the contract date is over and want you to be their time slave and keep on working for them.

It is hard to understand how saying goodbye can be an act of love. But if your love for another is betraying your love for yourself, then it will soon become poison, not love. The only loving thing to do is leave.

Most of us hold on to toxic love because we are afraid to be alone. We are afraid to be rejected. We are afraid to go out into a world full of strangers. Will we make new friends? Will they love us? So we stay in toxic relationships.

If you are facing such a relationship now, use the descriptions in this blog to evaluate it. Is this friend or client toxic? Is your love or loyalty for this person running against your loyalty and love for yourself?

If the answer is yes, love them, but leave them.

The Toxic Relationships Self-help Kit

The Toxic Relationships Self-help Kit

Yes, I know it’s easier said than done. I’m not going to lie to you that it is easy. That’s why I am creating the Toxic Relations Self-help Kit to answer all your questions. You can pre-order it by clicking here. You can also take 2 minutes and contribute your voice and experience to the kit by answering the Toxic Relations survey (and get a $5 discount if you purchase.)

I see people running away from pain all the time. Most people do. They stay in miserable jobs, abusive relationships, diminishing friendships and tiny existential rooms… all because they are afraid of the pain they will experience if they choose to change. As a consequence, they experience a long, self-destructive, hard pain that increases as time goes by and eventually becomes disease, depression and despair. Running away from pain leads you directly towards harder, longer pain. Compare to that, the pain of change is but a fraction, and then freedom follows.

You are an atom in the divine body. You are a gift to the world. You’ve worked so hard to learn, heal and build a good live. Love yourself enough to walk away from that which diminishes you.

No one deserves that you betray your soul, your happiness and your potential. No one deserves that you go back to your old world, becoming a ghost just for them. That option is not love. It is not love for them. And it is certainly not love for yourself.

Maria Mar(c)

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DO NOT copy this article. If you want to use this article for your blog or ezine, please contact Maria Mar. The duplication quota for this article online has been reached. Email Maria for a re-make.

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Maria Mar is the Dream Alchemist, an inspirational speaker, poet, coach, author and spiritual teacher who helps women create the life of their dreams. Visit her at: Catch the Dream Express!

RESOURCES:

This is a good article by Guy Finley. It shows you how to recognize 4 types of toxic people.

http://stason.org/articles/life/self-growth/Stay-Away-From-These-Four-Types-of-Toxic-People.html

For more information, visit Guy at:

http://www.guyfinley.com

The Toxic Relationship Self-help Kit: Love them, but leave them.

The Real Tragedy of Drama Queens

The real tragedy of Drama Queens

By Maria Mar(c)

When you are trapped in your habitual Soap Opera Dramas, you are self-involved to the point that you miss sight of three vital things: your surroundings, other people and your goals. Here is the real tragedy of the Drama Queen.

1. She wastes precious emotional fuel going around in circles.

2. She wastes time and resources going around in circles.

3. She alienates allies, healthy peers and healthy partners with her self-involved, ineffective and habitual dysfunctional scripts.

4. She leaks prosperity, loses clients and wastes money.

5. She adopts the pose of an ineffective, disorganized and unprofessional woman.

6. She fails to see how she is creating stress in those around her.

7. She misrepresents her business or capacity and creates situations where she will not be promoted or hired.

8. She dumps her toxic drama on her loved ones and creates terrible stress on her family, especially her partner and children.

9. She repels her children and partner, who need to move away from her in order to grow and function healthily.

10. She uses her drama to manipulate others, as an ineffective attempt to control the situation and to beg for attention.

11. She uses her power to sabotage her dream as she runs hysterically on the same spot, until she digs her own grave.

12. Because she creates high levels of stress that lead to hypertension, heart attack, muscle spasms, anxiety attacks, stomach trouble, ulcers, brain tumors, cancer, strokes and more. Make your choice.

Would you rather be a Drama Queen or act as the genuine, powerful Queen of your own life and Dream?

SOLUTION:

If you choose to be the real queen, here is one quick, easy way to stop your Drama before it catches momentum.

The minute you see yourself spinning into your Drama, say out loud to yourself: “STOP!”

Then breathe deeply and slowly. As you exhale, say firmly and clearly, without drama: “There is no drama. I am clear and there is no problem.”

As soon as you regain your center, become aware of how you have lost your compass.

  1. See how you are affecting those around you,
  2. See how you have deviated from your goal, and
  3. See how you are creating chaos or anxiety in your situation.

Now proceed to calmly re-focus on your goal or the solution of the problem, sustaining a centered, calming mood and consciously spreading it around.

EXAMPLE:
Let’s say that your usual drama is losing the car keys before going out.You enter a frenzy and send everyone spinning for the keys, just to find them 20 minutes later where you have left them misplaced the night before.

The minute you see yourself spinning that drama, say “STOP” to yourself, energetically and firmly (without involving others in the drama).

Then breathe deeply and slowly. As you exhale, say to yourself: “There is no drama. I am clear and there is no problem.”

Observe how you have lost your compass: Perhaps your family is already tense at the prospect of yet another crazy moment before going out and the anticipation of being late to their appointments. Perhaps by getting into this anxiety rollercoaster, you are neglecting to check that you have what you need for today’s presentation, so that you will sabotage yourself getting there late and unprepared. Perhaps you are creating chaos and stress in your daily life by all these little dramas. RELEASE that choice and embrace Inner Peace.

Now proceed to calmly retrace your steps the last time you place your keys when you got home.

I hope this helps you!

Stop by and leave your comments as things begin to change and you occupy the throne of your true queendom!

Maria Mar(c) You can use this quote as long as you include my name and copyright mark and the paragraph below:

Maria Mar is the Dream Alchemist, an inspirational poet, speaker, coach, author and spiritual teacher who helps women create the life of their dreams. Visit her at: Catch the Dream Express at http://www.catchthedreamexpress.com!