Are you a toxic magnet?

Are you a Toxic Magnet?

By Maria Mar(c)2009

Excerpt from

Toxic Relationships: Love them, but LEAVE Them

Digital Self-help Kit and Home Study Course

Are you signaling toxic people that you are a willing prey?

The Toxic Relationships Self-help Kit

The Toxic Relationships Self-help Kit

Are you an unwilling, unconscious magnet for toxic people? If you often find yourself dealing with toxic people or if the effects of toxic encounters affect you more and for a longer time than they affect others, then you may be a Toxic Magnet.

Just because you have a couple of toxic relationships that need addressing or because you know some toxic people does not mean that you are a Toxic Magnet. Toxic people are everywhere. You are bound to meet a couple of every month, at least. Whether you hook up with them or not is another matter.

But if you often suffer from the anxiety, emotional torture and negative drama that toxic people generate, then you may want to examine if you are a Toxic Magnet.

This mini self-assessment is an excerpt from Toxic Relationships: Love them, but LEAVE Them, a digital Self-help Kit and Home Study Course that helps you understand, transform and release the toxic relationships in your life.

To establish your Primary Emotional Response Pattern, in the list below, check any feelings that arise from your toxic encounter. Address one encounter at a time.

SECTION A

___  I keep thinking that I’ve done something wrong and keep trying to come up with another way of responding, but everything fails.

___   I feel guilty when I tell the person how I feel or when I set limits.

___  I feel hurt and sad. I want the person to tell me that she loves me and accept me as I am.

SECTION B

___    I want to win. I want her to apologize and accept that she is wrong. I keep bring up evidence and arguments, but she won’t give in.

___    I feel trapped and frustrated. I can’t find a way to get a win-win solution. Everything I say is misinterpreted and I am at the end of my wit.

___    I wrap myself in patience and try to address each complaint. But the complaints never seize and it’s frustrating.

SECTION C

___    I feel that I am more mature and healthy than this person and should be able to address the situation in an effective way.

___    I allow the person to rant and rave or do her acting out. I feel like a mother waiting for a kid to finish a tantrum.

___    I speak to her as to a child, softly and calmly. I listen attentively and then ask questions.

SECTION D

___    I feel exhausted. I am drained of all energy. I feel unable to continue with this dynamic, and at the same time, I am scared of what she might do if I do not continue.

___    My overwhelming feeling is fear. Fear that I may be fired, that I will be judged, that I will be exposed or hurt. I feel intimidated.

___    I can’t find my voice. I want to scream or confront the person, but I get a lump in my throat.

SECTION E

___    I want to go away and avoid the whole thing because it causes too much anxiety.

___    I go away emotionally. I feel frozen or paralyzed or simply disappear and show up when it’s all over.

___    I am shocked. I can’t believe it. It all becomes a blur.

Look at the section that has the most checks. That’s your Primary Emotional Response Patterns.

Section A= Defective

Section B=Fixer

Section C=Saint

Section D=Follower

Section E=Sleepwalker

Types of Toxic Magnets

We humans are complex beings. Once you have dived into the infinite layers of the subconscious, you learn that we are as vast as all universes existing throughout eternity.

Therefore, the types that are presented in this self-assessment barely scratch the surface of your Toxic Magnet behaviors and beliefs. Furthermore, you will rarely fit only in one Toxic Magnet Type.

However, recognizing your Primary Emotional Responses allows you to spot how a specific toxic person or situation triggers a specific type of Toxic Magnet response in you. Since you cannot change the other, but you can change your responses, this information empowers you to change the responses that keep you hooked in the Toxic Dance.

Section A: The Defectives

If you checked a majority of items in Section A, you may respond to the Toxic Magnet Type called Defectives. The Defectives secretly feel defective, damaged, less than others or insufficient. They seek to gain value by giving, being good, serving others, placating or appeasing or by playing second best.

If you fit this profile, this does not mean that you ARE defective. It means that the Ugly Duckling is alive somewhere in your psyche, stealing the majestic Swan you truly are. This hooks you up with toxic people, who are big blamers. Their blaming triggers your secret feelings of not being enough and keeps you hooked in the Toxic Dance.

Section B: The Fixers

If you checked a majority of items in Section B, you may respond to the Toxic Magnet Type called Fixers. The Fixers need something or someone to fix in order to distract themselves from their own issues. They have inherited an emotional belief that they cannot be loved unless they give others what they want, unless they are needed, in control or perfect.

If you fit this profile, this does not automatically mean that you ARE a control freak and want to fix everyone ―though this may also be true. It means that when a toxic person complaints or blame others or a situation for their actions, you get hooked trying to solve the problem and that fixing obsession keeps you in the Toxic Dance.

Section C: The Followers

If you checked a majority of items in Section C, you may respond to the Toxic Magnet Type called Followers. The Followers learned to blend with the wall paper in order to avoid conflict or abuse. They focus on others to gain their support and avoid decisions, risks or responsibility. They are afraid to assume their power or leadership or to speak their truth.

If you fit this profile, this does not automatically mean that you ARE a coward who is easily bullied. It means that when a toxic person displays intimidating behavior, you may be unable to stand up to this person. You may freeze, lose your voice or give in to avoid conflicts. By giving in, you stay in the Toxic Dance.

Section D: The Saints

If you checked a majority of items in Section D, you may respond to the Toxic Magnet Type called Saints. The Saints believe that they have to sacrifice in order to deserve a place in the world. They also believe that to gain heaven or spiritual evolution, they need to sacrifice their own desires, happiness and sometimes even their wellbeing.

If you fit this profile, this does not automatically mean that you ARE a goody-two-shoes who can’t stand up for herself. It means that when a toxic person trespasses your personal boundaries, you are going to use inappropriate compassion to enable their inappropriate behavior. By sacrificing your personal needs and not prioritizing your own feelings and desires, you get pulled into the Toxic Dance

Section E: The Sleep-walkers

If you checked a majority of items in Section E, you may respond to the Toxic Magnet Type called Sleep-Walker. The Sleep-Walkers “go away” at the least sign of danger, confrontation or risk. They may do this by disconnecting emotionally or mentally from the situation, literally leaving, “switching off” or using an addictive behavior or substance.

If you fit this profile, this does not automatically mean that you ARE Sleeping Beauty personified ―though you should track down how pervasive this reaction is in your life. It means that when a toxic person discharges their toxic energy or creates conflicts, you will not be able to take effective action because you will fall into the sleeping trance, which keeps you in the Toxic Dance.

I hope that in recognizing the role you may play in attracting, hooking up with or allowing the toxic behavior, you have realized to what measure you may be a Toxic Magnet.

In the measure in which you avoid your responsibility and are afraid of assuming your Personal Power, in that measure you become a Toxic Magnet.

In the measure in which you are not willing to see what you see, in which you avoid the truth and try to change, appease or follow others to avoid confrontation, in that same measure your become a Toxic Magnet.

In the measure in which you see what you see, take responsibility for your choices and assume your Personal Power, in that same measure you signal to toxic people that you are not prey.

In the measure in which you honor your truth, release control over others and stand as your self-authority, in that same measure you are free from the hooks and attachments that keep people in the Toxic Dance.

The END

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You can use this article in ezines, web pages and other online media as long as you include my name and copyright mark and the paragraph below, with functional link:

Maria Mar(c)2009. Maria Mar is a writer, inspirational speaker and poet, a spiritual teacher and an internationally known shaman. Maria helps people understand and release toxic relationships in the Toxic
Relationships: Love them, but LEAVE Them
Digital Self-help Kit and Home Study Course


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Are you an Active Dreamer or a Daydreamer: A Self-assessment Tool

Are you an

Active Dreamer or a Daydreamer?

Self-assessment Tool

By Maria Mar©

“Fantasies are more than substitutes for
unpleasant reality; they are also dress rehearsals, plans. All acts
performed in the world begin in the imagination.”

Barbara
Grizzuti Harrison
Author and Publicist

Well-intentioned relatives and cynical peers may call you a dreamer and ask you to wake-up. After a while, you start asking yourself if they are right and you are wrong.

Take this self-assessment tool. Add and subtract the points to find out.


1A. They are right if you dream of having lots of things, living like
the rich and famous, getting the latest sports car… and you do nothing to make it happen. (Minus 5pts)


1B. You are right if you dream of having a better quality of life,
not only better or more things, but a life with meaning, joy, comfort and prosperity, and you keep searching a way to do it that makes you happy and adds value to the world. (Plus 5pts)


2A. They are right if you keep trying the latest get-rich-quick
scheme, losing money in Pyramids and falling prey to con artists. (Minus 5pts.)


2B. You are right if you are researching, studying or strategizing to create a solid prosperity foundation in innovative ways, you seek the masters who have done it successfully and then spend time making it unique to who you are and what you have to offer. (Plus 5pts.)


3A. They are right if you dream of being an artist, writing a book or living from your passion, and spend your time talking about it… but doing nothing to make it come true. (Minus 3pts.)


3B. You are right if you dream of being an artist, writing a book or living from your passion, and you spend time talking about it in a positive manner, sharing your small successes and steps, and taking forwards steps ―even if they seem baby steps― to make it happen. (Plus 5pts.)


4A. They are right if you keep messing up because you have no
grounding, no plan, no strategy and no discipline to make your dream come true. (Minus 3pts.)


4B. You are right if you make mistakes, learn from them and keep creating new strategies and implementing them with discipline… even if you have not make it yet! (Plus 5pts.)


5A. They are right if you are going for a field, career or business
you hate and are becoming hard and closed-minded because you think only of making money, and not living life. (Minus 5pts.)


5B. You are right if you are declining the fields, careers or businesses that they believe make money, and ignoring the commonplace paths to prosperity in search for a unique path that is true to your values, talents and personality. (Plus 5pts.)


6A. They are right if you think they are right, no matter how wrong they are. (Minus 3pts.)


6B. You are right if you consult your heart, know your Soul’s
Purpose, are loyal to yourself, seek mentors and teachers who know what they are doing, and move towards your dream with 100% commitment, no matter how long it takes or how hard it seems to be. (Plus 5pts.)

Click here

to get your score results and resources for your dream.


That’s all, beautiful sisters. Let me know what you discovered. I’d like to hear your story!




Contact me here.

I’d love to hear your feedback and

what happened to you when you read this!


Results:


Click on your score to read more and find resources.

If the links do not work, simply scroll down.


30-27 Points


27 to 24 points


24-21 Points


20-18 Points


18-15 Points


15 or less points



30-27 Points


Congratulations! You are definitely an Active Dreamer. Success is around the corner. Live your dream! It is important that you nurture your faith and commitment through consistent inspiration. You are a unique woman with strong faith and
determination. There are a lot of people who do not live their dream because of fear or lack of faith. You need to stay strong and not allow them to erode your faith.

Recommended resources:

Get the Dream Kit and fly!

Enjoy an inspirational novel by Maria Mar. It tells the story of a woman who was about to give up on her dream and found herself in the middle of it! That will keep you strong. It’s easily downloadable and comes with a workbook and meditationaudio.


For specific guidance on how the Law of Attraction and other manifestation laws
work and how you as a woman can quicken your manifestation, obtain Maria
Mar’s upcoming self-help book, Breastfeed your Dream: Gestating, Birthing and Breastfeeding your Dream in
Nine Months.


If you want consistent support and company, join the Dream Express Membership.


You will be in constant contact with Maria Mar and a community of dreamers who are working towards their dream. You will receive the  Dream Kit in installments, to keep you inspired and working towards your dream every week, plus live monthly meetings with Maria Mar and seasonal products. That will keep you strong.



27 to 24 points


You are Active Dreamer, but you may be struggling alone, without adequate support around you. You need a community of dreamers who supports you. You also need to move in orbits of people who can enrich your perspective. You may
also need specific coaching with skills, success, visibility or business.


Recommended resources:
Join the
Dream Express Membership.
You will be in constant contact with Maria Mar and a community of dreamers who are working
towards their dream. You will receive the Dream Kit in installments, to keep you inspired and working towards your dream every week, plus live monthly meetings with Maria Mar and seasonal products. That will keep you strong.


If you need resources to become more visible or attract clients, we
recommend a product from our Visibility and Social Media Coach, Nancy Marmolejo. She is a recommended expert member of our Dream Team.


Nancy has created a step-by-step (and really affordable) Multi-media Home Study System that guides you in strategizing, implementing and maintaining your social media presence (Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, etc) to make money and attract media attention. Ask and you shall receive!



Click here to make your prosperity leap!



24-21 Points


You are a dreamer who needs to seek help assessing her dream, developing a strategy and implementing it. You may also need to develop a new lifestyle. You may be taking actions towards your dream, but they are inconsistent. To shift your life, you need consistent action that is built on a plan and moves you steadily to your dream. This means two things: 100% commitment and Dream Discipline.


Commitment needs faith and self-love. Dream Discipline comes from a new set of mind habits and from healing your relationship with time. Hidden beliefs about freedom may also be causing resistance. If you are doing everything
alone, you may also need new skills.


Recommended resources:

Take a Private Coaching Session with Maria Mar to see what you need and make aplan of action. This is a small investment that can pay back big time in clarity about what you want and what’s stopping you, increase in your faith and the discovery or hidden forces that may be holding you back without your knowledge.

You may also get clarity and understand what’s holding you
back with the Dream Kit. You will read the story of Angelina, who is about to give up on her dream when she is taken on a magical journey to find the Alchemical Keys that activate the Law of Attraction. The novel, workbook, and audio help you explore the Inner Enemies of your Success(tm) and teach you how to use the Law of Attraction.



20-18 Points


You are a dreamer who is using fantasy to escape a life that you don’t like. There is nothing wrong with fantasy. It is the source of human innovation. But you need help in translating your imagination into action. You also need immediate guidance in tracking down the Inner Enemies of your Success(tm). If you are feeling like Penelope, who wove a beautiful fresco during the day, only to destroy it at night, you may be sabotaging yourself. The source of your self-sabotage is hidden in the folds of your Psyche. You need in-depth help to get it out into your conscious awareness, so that you stop being your own worse enemy.


Recommended resources:

The Hunt Down the Inner Enemies of Success Home Study Course has all the information to help you understand what is happening inside you. In this life system, created by Maria Mar exclusively for women, you will be able to understand the hidden forces that sabotage your dreams, how you created them and how to release yourself and embrace your creative powers.


If you feel that you need someone who guides you step-by-step and helps you clean out the garbage from the past, while giving you strength. Consider two resources:


Hunt Down the Inner Enemies of your Success(tm) Private Email Consultations with Maria Mar
Exchange emails with Maria Mar to engage her in helping you track down what is going on in your life and how you are sabotaging yourself. Use this tool when you are ready to take an honest look at YOUR steps in the dance of life.


Dream Express Membership:
Premium membership
(Includes the Home Study Course and private coaching). When you are ready to take yourself and your dreams seriously, this is your best option.




18-15 Points


You are definitely a daydreamer. You are a creative, passionate woman who values freedom and has her own mind. But hidden in your psyche lurk old emotions gathered around toxic, negative thoughts that are eroding your self-value. You may also feel that you are alone, and therefore you do not ask for help. You resistance may be blocking the flow of the Law of Attraction!


In a way, you fear what you want. You may secretly feel that you do not deserve it, even though you keep trying to convince yourself of the contrary. No amount of talking and thinking will help, because the logical mind is sabotaging you, and you cannot bring your executive power to sustain your imagination. You will need to open a space and time for yourself and your dream if you want to get out of that rut. If you don’t want to waste anymore time and you are not willing to give up on your dream, here are two resources for you:




Recommended resources:

Take a Private Coaching Session with Maria Mar to discover what is at the bottom of your resistance to take action on behalf of your dream. This is a small investment that can pay back big time in clarity about what you want and what’s stopping you, increase in your faith and the discovery or hidden forces that may be holding you back without your knowledge.


You may also enjoy the
Hunt Down the Inner Enemies of Success
Home Study
Course
.



15 or less points.

You are a daydreamer and you are weakening your capacity to manifest your dreams by using your imagination idly. After a while, your psyche does not believe you, and you waste your life in meaningless fantasies. But do not confuse what you are doing wrong with the legitimacy of your power as a dreamer. In short, the Active dreamer in you is trying to wake you up.


You are intuitively resisting the domestication of your imagination and defending your freedom and uniqueness. That means that inside you there is an Active Dreamer trying to get out and lead your way.


The problem is that you are being held back by:

  • learned beliefs that may be working in your subconscious, like feeling that success will make people dislike you or that having money will corrupt you.

  • Stagnated habits that keep you in a rut.

  • Disbelief and fear to dream, or

  • Embedded feelings carried over from childhood or trauma.

  • You seriously need to re-evaluate your beliefs and lifestyle and to release what’s keeping you from taking action.


Fantasy without strategy or action is an escape and a sign of despair. You need to build your faith and trust that your dreams can become a reality. You may also need to develop new habits of mind and to learn new skills that allow you to create a structure and strategy to manifest your dreams.


Recommended Resources:

Here’s a gradual approach to moving out of fantasy into Active Dreaming.


Step one:

Ask me a FREE question. I will answer.


Step Two:
Visit my blog every week
to get fuel for your faith. It’s a great, free way to stay in touch with me!


Step Three: When you are ready to begin shifting from Daydreamer to Active
Dreamer, get an introductory
Private Coaching Session
with Maria Mar to see what you need and make a
plan of action. This is a small investment that can pay back big time in clarity about what you want and what’s stopping you, increase in your faith and the discovery or hidden forces that may be holding you back without your knowledge.

Click here for more products or services that can help you.



Contact me here.

I’d love to hear your feedback
and what happened to you when you read this!

NOTE: You can copy and use this article for your ezine or website as long as you keep the entire article and resources section, include the biographical paragraph below with active links, and send me a notice.

For a copy of this article without the product
links, contact me.


Maria
Mar
is a new renaissance woman who has freed her creative potential. She is a writer, spiritual teacher, visual artist, life coach and book writing coach and an internationally known shaman, as well as a dance-theatre performer.


Read more about Maria Mar

Maria has been featured in PBS and BronxNet television and numerous radio stations such as WBAI, WKCR (Columbia University Station), WADO (Spanish Radio), Brooklyn College Radio Station and La Nueva Onda 1190. Maria
has brandished creative writing, arts & crafts and conscious living as a tool for life transformation and specializes in personal growth through the arts and freeing the creative process. She is known as the Dream Alchemist, revealing the Female Secrets in the Law of Attraction to help women manifest their dreams. She is the CEO of ShamansDance Publishing and Productions and the author of the Dream Kit.Visit her website at:
http://www.catchthedreamexpress.com