Why can’t I get motivated?

Why can’t I get motivated?

By Maria Mar(c)2010

Why can't you get motivated? Find out!

“Why can’t I get motivated?” Elizabeth asked me.

There are two different scenarios for depleted motivation: temporary and chronic.

I’ll cover the first one in this blog and the second one in a second blog, so stay tune. (Subscribe to this blog to get my weekly articles. Click the button to the upper right corner.)

Here’s the list of probable issues that are causing your de-motivation. To see the solutions, see the second section, below.

Temporary lack of motivation

If you are suffering from a temporary lack of motivation, then you are usually motivated, but find yourself in a motivational slump. Here are the causes that may be causing this slump.

1. Overwork. If you are burn-out, your body is depleted of energy. Your momentum slows down and your motivation suffers.

2. Taking too many ineffective actions. When your actions do not bring results, there is no renewal to the emotional energy you are using to generate them. Lack of results is like lack of food.

3. Plans and goals are not in harmony with your Purpose. Your path is not clear. The goals, plans or strategies you’ve laid out are not truly satisfying you. They may not be what your Soul desires or they may not be in harmony with your Life Purpose.

4. Doing too many difficult things for too long. Change is hard work. When you are changing the way you think, act and live, you are creating new pathways in your brain. This takes energy and it can take a toll in your passion.

5. Working hard without giving yourself rewards. If all you do is work, and you give yourself nothing to recognize the value of your work, then you are an oppressive boss to yourself. Your own “employees” are going to slow down and sabotage the enterprise.

6. Doing too many things you don’t like. Every project, whether it is personal or professional, has exciting, fun, creative things that you like to do and things that don’t like that much. If you are doing too many of the later and not enough of the things you like, you are killing your motivation.

7. Not receiving the results. Sometimes you expect certain results, but you get others instead. If you do not receive the results you get, because they are not the ones you expected, then you are repelling success. You are trying to control the flow of life, and rejecting the blessings life brings. You are depleting your own life force by placing a dike of limited expectations.

8. Feeling alone and abandoned. Have you asked for help? Have you engaged other experts to collaborate, guide or support you in your work? Have you shared your achievements, no matter how small, with your friends? If not, then you are trapped in the trance of Orphanhood. How can you be motivated?

9. Toxic environment. Are you surrounded by people who diminish your value, pressure you into betraying your dreams or constantly criticize or disbelief your goals? An environment that does not nurture your self-esteem and your dreams is toxic to your motivation.

Solutions

1. Overwork. Take a week or at least 4 days off. Get up late, go to bed early and take a nap. You should sleep at least 10 hours and rest at least 2 more. Spend at least one hour a day in nature. For women, being close to running water and walking barefoot on the earth renew our energy. Trees are powerful healers. Walk among them. Do things you like; alone and with your friends. Ask your Inner Child what she wants to do and then go have fun. When you regain energy and reconnect to the reason why you are doing what you are doing, the motivation will come back.

2. Taking too many ineffective actions. Your External Actions in the world are not working because there are hidden interferences “unweaving” what you weave, like the Myth of Penelope. You need to take Internal Actions to release the hidden interferences. Join my “I Want to Flourish” Fiesta to find free knowledge and resources.

3. Plans and goals are not in harmony with your Purpose. You need to stop your hectic doing and go within to listen to your Soul. You may be following Borrowed Dreams or Distorted Dreams. You need to go back to center in order to find your true path. Pre-order (or order) my novel. It will take you on a journey to heal this.

4. Doing too many difficult things for too long. You need to live in balance. Schedule fun, rest and pampering into your calendar. Balance difficult tasks with easy tasks. Give yourself time in the movies, a walk in the park and extra sleep during difficult jobs.

5. Working hard without giving yourself rewards. Reduce the number of tasks in your daily to-do list. Make sure you do the recommendations in the previous point. Buy some bright stars stickers and stick one at the end of each done task. At the end of each day, give yourself a round of applause and declare your accomplishments proudly. When you finish a project or achieve a goal, give yourself a great reward. Stop trying to do everything better. Value yourself and every little thing you do.

6. Doing too many things you don’t like. Balance your daily work by doing one thing you don’t like early in the morning followed by two things you love to do. Get or hire help to do the things you hate and the things that you are not good at.

7. Not receiving the results. When you send things into the world, open your mind and release the outcome. Receive every positive result that comes back. Open your heart and receive it in the knowledge that Life Mother knows better, and that Divine Design is at work. You will see how this seemingly insipid result multiplies its blessings in the future, better and farther than you could ever imagine.

8. Feeling alone and abandoned. Find your place of belonging with like-hearted people who support you. Ask your supportive friends for help. If you are unused to asking for help, you probably do not even see how others can help you. That’s your Orphanhood leading your life. You are not alone. Make an effort to find ways in which your friends can help you. Share your dreams with positive friends. Celebrate your goals with a party, dinner out or picnic.

9. Toxic environment. Examine how you invite, allow or are hooked with toxic people. Find memberships or communities of like-minded people who are seeking similar things. Get a mentor or coach. Avoid people who drain you or diminish your trust in your capacity or your dream, even if they are family. See them less, do not talk about your dreams or goals with them and place strong limits that disallow any negative comments. It may be tough at first, but they’ll eventually know not to step past your limits.

If you need more help, consider working under my mentorship and guidance.

Click here for more information.

Click here to register.

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About Maria Mar

Maria Mar is an author, speaker and ceremonialist poet. She is also a spiritual teacher and an internationally known shaman who helps you to achieve personal freedom, unlock your creative potential and live a life of magic and delight. She offers books, digital products and guidance, art that heals and transforms as well as performances, speaking engagements and other live and online events to help you become the protagonist of your life and the creator of your destiny. Find out more at Catch the Dream Express. If you want to flourish under Maria’s mentorship and guidance, visit http://www.dreamalchemist.com.

This material is the copyright of Maria Mar©2010. You can use this tip in your newsletter, blog or other digital media as long as you keep the copyright and biographical paragraph with the active link and send us notification.

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Love them, but leave them

Love them, but leave them

Releasing those who keep you trapped in the old world

Art by Maria Mar(c)2000

Art by Maria Mar(c)2000

Today I am writing about a painful subject. It is not easy to release habits. But when you realize that a friend you love, or an old client to whom you have dedicated lots of time, is keeping you spinning in old, harmful habits. What do you do?

I am talking about those moments in life when you have crossed the threshold into a new world. You left dysfunctional habits behind. You stepped into your dream. You released the thoughts and responses that were keeping you from being happy and fulfilling your potential.

You are now your dream, or closer to it than ever. In this new world, you feel the Essence of who you are. You are strong in your faith. You are nurturing your dream every day. You are sustaining your Dream Discipline, dedicating time and space to yourself and your dream. You have given yourself permission to be happy.

Many of the people who love you have understood that you changed. They have supported you in your dreams. They have been able to adapt to your new dynamics. By you changing your set of beliefs, thoughts and attitudes, your relationship with most people around you has improved greatly.

But there is this friend…

There is still this old client…

There are sometimes those who refuse to change because they are the slaves of the Dog of Habit. They allow the Dog of Habit to piss all over you and themselves. They chose not to change.

There are those who danced well with you when you did not set limits, when you caretook them in their every whim, when you kept giving when they were not receiving.

But the minute you set limits, stop caretaking and stand in your value, these people begin to escalate their old, dysfunctional behavior. This is their way of exerting control in a life that feels out of control. Your change feels to them as if they are losing control. They cannot honor your new dynamics. Basically, they do not fit in your new world.

What then?

People are not like a dress that you can take off. Love is not a habit that you can simply release, is it?

Well, sometimes it is.

We believe that friends are forever. This is not true. Love may be forever, but a friend may not. The love you have for a person, if it is true, if it has to do with their Essence, is eternal.

But what happens when that person herself does not honor her own Essence? Can you love her for the beauty of her soul when she is betraying that soul trying to control and manipulate others? When he is dishonoring that soul by being unfaithful or by being insensitive to others?

My answer is this. Love them, but leave them.

If you do not release these people in a good way, out of love, when there is still the possibility of simply moving away gently ~you may come to the point of a serious clash. Then you will have to leave in the middle of a fight or in a bitter way.

When someone you love is toxic to you, you need to release this person as an act of love for yourself and for him or her.

By toxic, I do not mean that they are finding it difficult to deal with your change. That’s normal. I don’t mean that they “make you” feel this or that way. No one “makes” you feel. That is giving your power away. If this is the case, assume the responsibility for your feelings, attitudes and responses.

What I mean by toxic is that they are not willing to respect your limits. Toxic to you are friends who repeatedly dishonor or betray you. Toxic are friends who play mind games. Toxic are people who are unwilling or unable to see how their acts affect others, how they are affecting you. Toxic people are blamers. They always have an excuse and a finger pointing somewhere else. There is no way that you can come to terms with people like that. You will be trying forever. Toxic are those who take, but do not receive. Toxic are those who take, but do not give.

Toxic people take you for granted. Their actions (and sometimes even their words) consistently reveal that they not value you. They put you down with words or actions. They make you invisible. They refuse to name the beauty and love you bring into their lives.

Toxic friends trample on your faith and speak only cynical words that take away all the magic and goodness in life.

Toxic friends may be charmers, but they cannot commit to love, to you or to their own words. These toxic friends do not know what they want. They keep asking for your help, only to drop the entire project the minute you committed your contacts or time to their support. You end up exhausted and your reputation is damaged with these toxic friends.

Toxic are people who begin a full-fledge war against your happiness, who do everything they can to bring you back to a place of suffering, so that you stay with them in their misery.

Toxic clients are those who keep asking for more and take everything, but do not RECEIVE it. Because they are not allowing the love in what you give to touch them, they do not FEEL the value of it. As a result, they always want more and nothing is enough. They do not value the gifts because in their emotional world, they have not let the gift in.

They do not trust or value your expertise. Because they do not value themselves, they distrust the value of anyone associated with them. Once they hire you, they do not value you. They will ask for others’ opinions and act on those opinions, even if these other people are not experts. They will not follow your counsel and when their actions lead them to failure, they will fail to see that it was not your counsel, but their stupidity that lead them to that end.

Toxic clients haggle about the price of your service. They pay late and come up with excuses. They do not do their work and then complain that your service is not working. They give you the materials late and procrastinate, so that you cannot fulfill your contract with them. Then they come back after the contract date is over and want you to be their time slave and keep on working for them.

It is hard to understand how saying goodbye can be an act of love. But if your love for another is betraying your love for yourself, then it will soon become poison, not love. The only loving thing to do is leave.

Most of us hold on to toxic love because we are afraid to be alone. We are afraid to be rejected. We are afraid to go out into a world full of strangers. Will we make new friends? Will they love us? So we stay in toxic relationships.

If you are facing such a relationship now, use the descriptions in this blog to evaluate it. Is this friend or client toxic? Is your love or loyalty for this person running against your loyalty and love for yourself?

If the answer is yes, love them, but leave them.

The Toxic Relationships Self-help Kit

The Toxic Relationships Self-help Kit

Yes, I know it’s easier said than done. I’m not going to lie to you that it is easy. That’s why I am creating the Toxic Relations Self-help Kit to answer all your questions. You can pre-order it by clicking here. You can also take 2 minutes and contribute your voice and experience to the kit by answering the Toxic Relations survey (and get a $5 discount if you purchase.)

I see people running away from pain all the time. Most people do. They stay in miserable jobs, abusive relationships, diminishing friendships and tiny existential rooms… all because they are afraid of the pain they will experience if they choose to change. As a consequence, they experience a long, self-destructive, hard pain that increases as time goes by and eventually becomes disease, depression and despair. Running away from pain leads you directly towards harder, longer pain. Compare to that, the pain of change is but a fraction, and then freedom follows.

You are an atom in the divine body. You are a gift to the world. You’ve worked so hard to learn, heal and build a good live. Love yourself enough to walk away from that which diminishes you.

No one deserves that you betray your soul, your happiness and your potential. No one deserves that you go back to your old world, becoming a ghost just for them. That option is not love. It is not love for them. And it is certainly not love for yourself.

Maria Mar(c)

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DO NOT copy this article. If you want to use this article for your blog or ezine, please contact Maria Mar. The duplication quota for this article online has been reached. Email Maria for a re-make.

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Maria Mar is the Dream Alchemist, an inspirational speaker, poet, coach, author and spiritual teacher who helps women create the life of their dreams. Visit her at: Catch the Dream Express!

RESOURCES:

This is a good article by Guy Finley. It shows you how to recognize 4 types of toxic people.

http://stason.org/articles/life/self-growth/Stay-Away-From-These-Four-Types-of-Toxic-People.html

For more information, visit Guy at:

http://www.guyfinley.com

The Toxic Relationship Self-help Kit: Love them, but leave them.