Love them, but leave them

Love them, but leave them

Releasing those who keep you trapped in the old world

Art by Maria Mar(c)2000

Art by Maria Mar(c)2000

Today I am writing about a painful subject. It is not easy to release habits. But when you realize that a friend you love, or an old client to whom you have dedicated lots of time, is keeping you spinning in old, harmful habits. What do you do?

I am talking about those moments in life when you have crossed the threshold into a new world. You left dysfunctional habits behind. You stepped into your dream. You released the thoughts and responses that were keeping you from being happy and fulfilling your potential.

You are now your dream, or closer to it than ever. In this new world, you feel the Essence of who you are. You are strong in your faith. You are nurturing your dream every day. You are sustaining your Dream Discipline, dedicating time and space to yourself and your dream. You have given yourself permission to be happy.

Many of the people who love you have understood that you changed. They have supported you in your dreams. They have been able to adapt to your new dynamics. By you changing your set of beliefs, thoughts and attitudes, your relationship with most people around you has improved greatly.

But there is this friend…

There is still this old client…

There are sometimes those who refuse to change because they are the slaves of the Dog of Habit. They allow the Dog of Habit to piss all over you and themselves. They chose not to change.

There are those who danced well with you when you did not set limits, when you caretook them in their every whim, when you kept giving when they were not receiving.

But the minute you set limits, stop caretaking and stand in your value, these people begin to escalate their old, dysfunctional behavior. This is their way of exerting control in a life that feels out of control. Your change feels to them as if they are losing control. They cannot honor your new dynamics. Basically, they do not fit in your new world.

What then?

People are not like a dress that you can take off. Love is not a habit that you can simply release, is it?

Well, sometimes it is.

We believe that friends are forever. This is not true. Love may be forever, but a friend may not. The love you have for a person, if it is true, if it has to do with their Essence, is eternal.

But what happens when that person herself does not honor her own Essence? Can you love her for the beauty of her soul when she is betraying that soul trying to control and manipulate others? When he is dishonoring that soul by being unfaithful or by being insensitive to others?

My answer is this. Love them, but leave them.

If you do not release these people in a good way, out of love, when there is still the possibility of simply moving away gently ~you may come to the point of a serious clash. Then you will have to leave in the middle of a fight or in a bitter way.

When someone you love is toxic to you, you need to release this person as an act of love for yourself and for him or her.

By toxic, I do not mean that they are finding it difficult to deal with your change. That’s normal. I don’t mean that they “make you” feel this or that way. No one “makes” you feel. That is giving your power away. If this is the case, assume the responsibility for your feelings, attitudes and responses.

What I mean by toxic is that they are not willing to respect your limits. Toxic to you are friends who repeatedly dishonor or betray you. Toxic are friends who play mind games. Toxic are people who are unwilling or unable to see how their acts affect others, how they are affecting you. Toxic people are blamers. They always have an excuse and a finger pointing somewhere else. There is no way that you can come to terms with people like that. You will be trying forever. Toxic are those who take, but do not receive. Toxic are those who take, but do not give.

Toxic people take you for granted. Their actions (and sometimes even their words) consistently reveal that they not value you. They put you down with words or actions. They make you invisible. They refuse to name the beauty and love you bring into their lives.

Toxic friends trample on your faith and speak only cynical words that take away all the magic and goodness in life.

Toxic friends may be charmers, but they cannot commit to love, to you or to their own words. These toxic friends do not know what they want. They keep asking for your help, only to drop the entire project the minute you committed your contacts or time to their support. You end up exhausted and your reputation is damaged with these toxic friends.

Toxic are people who begin a full-fledge war against your happiness, who do everything they can to bring you back to a place of suffering, so that you stay with them in their misery.

Toxic clients are those who keep asking for more and take everything, but do not RECEIVE it. Because they are not allowing the love in what you give to touch them, they do not FEEL the value of it. As a result, they always want more and nothing is enough. They do not value the gifts because in their emotional world, they have not let the gift in.

They do not trust or value your expertise. Because they do not value themselves, they distrust the value of anyone associated with them. Once they hire you, they do not value you. They will ask for others’ opinions and act on those opinions, even if these other people are not experts. They will not follow your counsel and when their actions lead them to failure, they will fail to see that it was not your counsel, but their stupidity that lead them to that end.

Toxic clients haggle about the price of your service. They pay late and come up with excuses. They do not do their work and then complain that your service is not working. They give you the materials late and procrastinate, so that you cannot fulfill your contract with them. Then they come back after the contract date is over and want you to be their time slave and keep on working for them.

It is hard to understand how saying goodbye can be an act of love. But if your love for another is betraying your love for yourself, then it will soon become poison, not love. The only loving thing to do is leave.

Most of us hold on to toxic love because we are afraid to be alone. We are afraid to be rejected. We are afraid to go out into a world full of strangers. Will we make new friends? Will they love us? So we stay in toxic relationships.

If you are facing such a relationship now, use the descriptions in this blog to evaluate it. Is this friend or client toxic? Is your love or loyalty for this person running against your loyalty and love for yourself?

If the answer is yes, love them, but leave them.

The Toxic Relationships Self-help Kit

The Toxic Relationships Self-help Kit

Yes, I know it’s easier said than done. I’m not going to lie to you that it is easy. That’s why I am creating the Toxic Relations Self-help Kit to answer all your questions. You can pre-order it by clicking here. You can also take 2 minutes and contribute your voice and experience to the kit by answering the Toxic Relations survey (and get a $5 discount if you purchase.)

I see people running away from pain all the time. Most people do. They stay in miserable jobs, abusive relationships, diminishing friendships and tiny existential rooms… all because they are afraid of the pain they will experience if they choose to change. As a consequence, they experience a long, self-destructive, hard pain that increases as time goes by and eventually becomes disease, depression and despair. Running away from pain leads you directly towards harder, longer pain. Compare to that, the pain of change is but a fraction, and then freedom follows.

You are an atom in the divine body. You are a gift to the world. You’ve worked so hard to learn, heal and build a good live. Love yourself enough to walk away from that which diminishes you.

No one deserves that you betray your soul, your happiness and your potential. No one deserves that you go back to your old world, becoming a ghost just for them. That option is not love. It is not love for them. And it is certainly not love for yourself.

Maria Mar(c)

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DO NOT copy this article. If you want to use this article for your blog or ezine, please contact Maria Mar. The duplication quota for this article online has been reached. Email Maria for a re-make.

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Maria Mar is the Dream Alchemist, an inspirational speaker, poet, coach, author and spiritual teacher who helps women create the life of their dreams. Visit her at: Catch the Dream Express!

RESOURCES:

This is a good article by Guy Finley. It shows you how to recognize 4 types of toxic people.

http://stason.org/articles/life/self-growth/Stay-Away-From-These-Four-Types-of-Toxic-People.html

For more information, visit Guy at:

http://www.guyfinley.com

The Toxic Relationship Self-help Kit: Love them, but leave them.

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Female Secrets in the Law of Attraction-Help your Dream to Walk

Female Secrets in the Law of Attraction

No. 4: Teaching your Toddler Dream to Walk!

By Maria Mar©

Author of the

Dream Kit

Article Series:

If you are a woman, you are an expert in making dreams come true. If you don’t believe it, ask your children, whom you have helped from birth on to flourish. Ask your life partner, whom you support in his or her dreams. Ask your students, nieces and nephews, your clients, patients and neighbors. You can even ask the plants in your garden! In fact, ask anyone around you and chances are, you have helped and support each and every one of them to grow.

Why should you have any difficulty in manifesting YOUR dream? Use the same organic gifts you use for supporting others! Here is a Female Secret in the Law of Attraction that will help you get that dream on the road.

This article is part of a series that shares 4 Female Secrets in the Law of Attraction. The previous articles help you gestate, birth and breastfeed your dream.

If you want all the articles together, with recommended resources to make them work for you, join the FREE level of the Dream Express membership for women who want to manifest their dreams, and you will get the free ebook, Sneak Preview to the Female Secrets in the Law of Attraction.

If you’ve done your gestating, birthing and breastfeeding work, your dream has grown from the times you were daydreaming. Now it is part of your life. You feed it every day and it grows. Your next challenge is to help it walk. It needs to go with you wherever you go. But more to the point, it needs to take you where you want to go!

How does a dream walk? When you are teaching your beautiful child or baby niece to walk, don’t you often stand on one place and have another adult; the father or aunt, for example, stand on the other end? Then the other person invites the child to move forward while you safely coach and sustain the little one, in case it wavers.

That’s exactly what you will do now. Use the Female Secret of Cooperation. The Universe flows this way, through cooperation. As a woman, you master cooperation in sisterhood, family and community. The Male Way is competition. It is a legitimate way, and there is competition in the universe. But the principle that quickens your manifestation is cooperation. It is also an organic way for you as a woman. So how does it work?

Who are your allies? Who stands at a distance of five miles, file degrees of separation or five calls away that could invite and entice your dream forward?

Let’s list some examples.
• You want to promote your new book or product. Five degrees of separation away there is a woman with a radio show with just the right audience.

• You want to meet your soulmate. Five calls away, through friends or a matchmaking service, you can find him or her.

• You want to find just the right home. Five emails away, through your list and their list, you can get the right offer.

This is something you recognize immediately because women are great networkers. But have you used this gift to help your dream walk?

No?
Then here’s a thought. You may be seeing your dream as a selfish act, separated and even in opposition to the dreams and benefits of others.

You need a shift of perception. See your dream as a child that you’ve brought into the world. It came into this world through you, but it has a purpose that goes back to the mysterious universal consciousness. In other words, this child is needed in the world. By helping it to grow and walk into the world, you are fulfilling your life purpose and bringing the dream to those who need it.

Something happens to you as a woman when you see your dream as a child. Now you feel permission to help it grow, to give it your energy, to help it fly free.

That’s because you have been split into an artificial competition between self and others. The universe does not work like that because we are all one. You are an atom in the universal being. Other atoms cooperate with your purpose because it benefits the entire organism, of which all are a part. If you study the new cell biology, you will see that this is true. Cooperation is the rule.

As a woman you are a great networker, a part of a strong sisterhood that may include the women in your family, your peers, friends, classmates, club and community organizations.

You’ve volunteered. You’ve sold tickets. You’ve helped the children and youth. You’ve taken your children to the events. There is a genuine bond between you and your sisters and community.

Do not feel guilty to present your dream to these allies. Find the ways in which your dream benefits them, and launch a campaign to help them while they help your dream walk, and even fly!

Subscribe to Catch the Dream Express and receive a free sample of the Dream Kit. Unwrap your Gift Bundle: Creating your Service Vision contains a free chapter and a free workbook exercise from the Dream Kit.. This book is a ceremony to explore how to make a living from what you love to do. You will also receive our monthly newsletter and seasonal inspirational journeys.

You can use this article in your web or ezine as long as you include the credit below with links intact and functional and send us a notice.

Maria Mar is a writer, inspirational poet and speaker, a spiritual teacher and an internationally known shaman. Maria helps women manifest their dreams. In the Dream Kit, she helps women with the Law of Attraction. Click to obtain your free sample ebook.

Mother’s Day Gift- Self-mothering Practice

Warrior Tree, Mother Tree

Power Posture

Maria Mar(c)2009

This is a Power Posture to help women practice Self-Mothering.


While women take care of children, elders, the sick, the community and their families, many of them find it difficult to take care of themselves.

True, with all their duties, most women find it difficult to find time for self-mothering. But that is just the surface problem. Beneath, lies a deeper emotional reason. We have been trained to place our selves last and to feel guilty for giving ourselves priority.

Art by Maria Mar(c)2009. No appropriation, reproduction or distribution allowed. Protected by international copyright law.

Art by Maria Mar(c)2009

Click graphic to get

the downloadable poster.

This exercise calls upon the sacred presence of  Trees to summon your Inner Warrior. This Power Self opens a sacred time and space, connecting you to the forces of the trees, the earth and the Universe for renewal and strength. It helps you to center yourself. Once you find your core strength and center, then you can call upon your Inner Mother to  embrace yourself and practice self-love.

Preparation

  1. In preparation for the practice, copy and paste these instructions.

  2. Download the audio on the right column.

  3. You can also download the beautiful Warrior Tree, Mother Tree original art by Maria Mar for visualization.

AUDIO MEDITATION

Click here.

Click the link above to download
the audio meditation

and the poster.

Begin your Power Posture by standing with legs comfortably apart.

You can listen to the audio meditation as you adjust your posture.

Through ought your posture adjustment, see and feel yourself as a tall, sturdy tree.

You may want to download Maria Mar’s original Warrior Tree, Mother Tree art and print it as a visual aid.

Visualize your Hara line and feel your chakras spinning along this energy line.

  1. Adjust your stand until your weight is equally distributed between the two feet.

  2. Flex knees slightly, so that they are not locked. This helps in releasing and aligning the pelvis.

  3. Practice deep inhalation, allowing the air to travel all the way down to your belly. Release the air in a slow exhalation. The slower the exhalation, the deeper the relaxation.

  4. Roll your shoulders up and back in inhalation. Then drop them in exhalation. Do this several times, until they are relaxed.

  5. Release your lower spine by dropping your tail. Swing the pelvis back and forth slowly, until you find the center, where it is neither pushed forward not tugged in.

  6. Readjust your knees and feet again to make sure that your weight is well distributed.

  7. Return to Deep breathing for a while. Look at the tree art or visualize yourself as a tree.

  8. Release the upper spine by lifting the crown of your head upwards while slowly aligning your chin to be parallel to the floor. Feel the seven vertebrae in the back of your neck as they release any crunching and occupy more space.

  9. Stand relaxed, spine released, knees flexed and weight evenly distributed in both feet, and visualize an energy line (the Hara Line) that transverses your body. It shoots up from deep within the Earth core, runs through your spine and rises up towards the heavens. (The second illustration shows the Hara line.)

  10. Close your eyes and feel that energy shooting through you. Gently touch the points indicated here with your hands, one with the left, the next with the right hand, bringing the hands up and connecting each point with the previous one:

    1. Right hand-touch your crotch

    2. Left hand-touch your navel. Connect with the previous point.

    3. Right hand-touch the middle of your stomach. Connect with previous point.

    4. Left hand-touch the space between your breasts. Connect with the navel and then adjust the point in your middle stomach, until the line between the navel and the heart feels straight.

    5. Right hand-the tip of your nose.

    6. Left hand-between the eyes. Connect these points.

    7. Right hand-on the crown of your head. Connect this point with the previous one and then feel the entire line, from the earth through your crotch running up all the way to your crown.

  11. Now you are a tree. As you feel centered and in balance, begin to repeat the words in the Audio Meditation out loud, slowly. To speak like a tree, each work and sound is born in the stillness and silence and then released to the world as a delicious fruit. Remember to breath deeply as you talk.

I am Warrior Tree

Rooted in the deep Earth, I am

Centered and strong, I am.

Drawing life force

from the fire below.

Drawing life force

from the sky above.

I am Warrior Tree,

Connected to the Universe, I am.

  1. Once you feel relaxed, calmed, centered, rooted and aligned, begin to raise your arms above you slowly and lovingly. You are shapeshifting from Warrior Tree to Mother Tree. Speak out the second part of the poem. Again, speak like a tree. As you speak, your branches go up until they are open to the sides, and then you slowly embrace yourself.

Now I open my branches.

Now I release my love

in a generous green embrace.

I love, accept and nurture myself.

I am Mother Tree, I am.

I am Mother.

I am.

  1. Feel your basic goodness. Feel the beauty of your Essence. Feel as perfect as a tree. Allow the green embrace of love to shower all over you. Smile from within.

  2. You may close the meditation there, proceed to journal writing or ask your Inner Child what it needs or want and then do it there or set a time aside to do it during the week.

Practice this Power Posture three times a week until you know it by heart. Then use it whenever you realize that you are neglecting yourself.

If you like this practice, consider leaving me a comment

and joining the email subscription to the blog,

so that you get other inspirational and empowerment posts delivered to your email.

Good luck,

Maria Mar

http://www.catchthedreamexpress.com

Find the Email Subscription link on the right column, below Maria’s bio.

Self-love. Is it possible?

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Self-love. Is it possible?

By Maria Mar(c)2009

Everyone talks about the importance of loving and accepting yourself. But that’s easier said than done. Thousands of good, loving people go through life beating themselves up constantly, carrying old shame and guilt and working hard without ever feeling that they’ve done enough. If you feel unlovable and have a a hard time forgiving yourself, or if you simply want to love yourself more, read on.

At the beginning of your life, you are in a magical state of innocence. You don’t know a thing about the world. You are dependent on others for your very life. You can’t talk or walk. Yet you don’t feel insufficient or defective. How’s that?

At that stage in your life, you are still connected to your Universal Self. Call it God, Cosmic Consciousness, Divine Intelligence or Oneness. You are in a state of Grace. To you, there is no separation between who you are and what you are feeling and the elements in nature and the energy world involved in the experience. You receive everything that happens with an open heart, unclouded by opinion, ideology, fear or judgment. This innocence allows you to learn quickly and easily. If you stumble and fall, you simply get up and keep going. If you hurt, you cry. If you are happy, you laugh. If you like something, you go for it. If you don’t like it, you move away. There is no opinion about the worth, goodness or badness of your emotions or experiences.

Later, you pick up on the opinions and judgments of your elders. You learn that what they dislike in your actions, translates in rejection or punishment for you. But your actions are not distinguished from you. When you cry, they say that YOU are weak. When you are angry and scream, they say that YOU are bad and nasty. If you fall, that is a mistake, and that means that YOU are stupid. All these labels and judgments get attached to your experience and emotions. But it goes deeper than that. They get attach to who you ARE. Your mistakes now stick to you like a stain, and each one makes you more undeserving and imperfect.

You are still carrying that stained film in the form of guilt, shame and insufficiency.

The Sacred Child in you, who lived in Oneness, got buried under all that burden. The way back to your innocence and self-love is the way to your Sacred Child.

What would you do with a little girl who, in making an honest mistake, began to cry and pull at her hair, screaming “I am bad. No one loves me. I am stupid.”

  • You would pick her up in your arms.

  • You would hug her lovingly.

  • You would make sure that she felt your unconditional love and acceptance.

  • You would tell her over and over that she is a perfect, beautiful being because she is made in the image of god, or is part of the Divine Consciousness.

  • You would tell her how much you love her and how she is so lovable, and remind her of the good things she’s done, and how she is kind and generous.

  • You would help her understand that mistakes are important steps in the discovery of solutions.

  • You would help her distinguish between making a mistake and BEING a mistake.

  • Finally, you would help her see how she is loved by you, others and the world.

Do the exact same thing for yourself. The path to self-love is self-mothering.

Light and love,

Maria Mar

The Dream Alchemist

http://www.catchthedreamexpress.com

Assume your Personal Power with the Swan Posture

Assume your Personal Power

with the Swan Posture

By Maria Mar(c)


Do you catch yourself making yourself small, hiding your neck into your shoulders, like turtle, constricting your spine, folding your torso or hunching? This attitude leads to depression and lowers your self-esteem. It holds you back from taking action and makes you feel insufficient. It sends others the message that you do not believe in yourself. Why should them?

Whenever you realize that you are making yourself small, here is a Power Posture that will release your stature immediately, uplifting you and moving the energies that may have stagnated in your body. It will shift you from Ugly Duckling into the majestic swan you are.

My drawing below illustrates what happens to your spine and how you create back pain and disease as a result of your “Ugly Duckling” posture. Feeling small leads to standing small, which makes you small.

The Swan Posture works from the inside out and the outside in, to restore your magnificence stature. Be a Goddess!

The Swan Posture


  1. Stand with legs apart and plant your feet firmly on the floor. Keep your knees lightly flex and your feet positioned parallel to your hips.

  2. Feel your roots connecting to the roots of the Ancient Trees.

  3. Breathe slowly and deeply for three cycles: Inhalation, In-pause, Exhalation, Out-pause.

    That’s one cycle. Inhale as fully as possible, allowing your whole torso to fill with air, from your crutch to your chest. Exhale as slowly as possible.

  4. Focus your attention on your spine. Release your spine as you exhale slowly. Feel your tail being released, so that there is no contraction in your pelvis. The excessive curvature in your lower back at the beginning of the buttocks should be released and lower back pain or tension should be alleviated.

  5. Now do the same with the back of your neck. Raise the crown of your head towards the sky and stretch the back of your neck. Your chin should adjust, being parallel to the floor. When you raise your chin up, as in false pride, you actually crunch the vertebrae of your neck. Make sure you release from the back.

  6. Now raise your sternum to the sky, offering your heart in celebration of the Goddess within you. Watch out that you don’t curve the back again! You are raising the sternum to the point that you feel your torso free and light, and your chest feels proud. But not past the point that you begin getting a curvature in your lower back.

  7. Breathe deeply and bring both your arms up as if you were taking flight. Feel your majesty. Feel your power. Feel the breadth of your love.

  8. Bring your arms down gracefully, as the Queen you are.

  9. Feel yourself connected to all the elements: air, water, fire and earth. Feel how you have the power to communicate with these elements inside you and in your nature. Feel your power!

That’s it. Practice the Swan Posture until you can do it automatically in 3 minutes.

Let me know how it goes. Take a bit of time to leave me a comment about his entry, will you? It makes me feel SOOO good!

Light and love,

Maria Mar

The Dream Alchemist

http://www.catchthedreamexpress.com

For Spanish-language tips in not making yourself small, visit Corazon Tierra’s blog at: www.cuerpoadentro.wordpress.com